The Colour of the Soul
by DTitania
Summary: FFIV Coincidence brings Golbez together with a notorious swindler, a woman with no past and the mourning King Edward. Will these four get lost on their journey or will they find their way? Will they choose to remember or to forget?
1. Prologue: Black and White

_Author's notes: This FFIV story centering on Golbez and Edward could be called a sequel to the "Three Sides of the Moon" trilogy you can also find here on this site. However, I wrote "could" because it is not necessary by any means to have read my other stories to understand this one. Anyway – have fun with the story: I know I had fun writing it… And please review! _

_All FF4 characters are of course the property of Square/Enix. However, if you want to use my original characters like Tristan or Leah, please ask first._

_Titania_

**The Colour of the Soul**

**Prologue:**

_Black and white_

Black and white… Amidst the wide white fields, a black speck was wandering. There was no path, however, the speck did not seem lost, but seemed to aim for a certain destination.

Still, even if it had a destination, it seemed to be out of place in the winter landscape; the two young boys who were playing in the snow thought so too, and watched the black silhouette approaching with big eyes.

Slowly, the dark point took one more step and revealed a tall man, with long black hair flowing freely down a black cape, which nearly went to the ground. The face of the man stood in stark contrast to his dark hair and clothes-it was pale, nearly white, with haughty, but not unattractive features.

Now, the man's two dark blue eyes, which were framed by two distinctive eyebrows, had spotted the children and his thin, but very sharply formed lips curved into the strangest of smiles; mocking, bitter and knowing at the same time. The two boys had long before given up their play to watch the man, however the former look of curiosity on their faces became more and more nervous with every step the figure came closer, accompanied by a frightful force, something dark not only in appearance but in feel, something dull and gloomy which blackened the bright snow under and the blue sky above them.

Just now, the man had nearly reached the two youths, but, after what seemed like a moment of hesitation, changed his direction to circle around them. However, in that moment one of the boys seemed to loose whatever rigidity had possessed him and he stepped in the way of the man with a look of nervousness, but also raw anger on his face.

His friend was less courageous, and looked like he would faint any minute.

The dark-clad man stopped, a faint sigh escaping his still smiling lips and he looked down on the flaxen haired boy before him, who was staring at him defiantly.

The whole body of the boy was trembling. "You… you can't go any farther…"

"Why not?" the man spoke calmly, though the sound of his words seemed to linger in the air long after he had ended and made it clear what strength lay in his deep voice.

"Because we don't want people like you in where I live…" the boy snarled.

"So this is the way to town, after all…" the man said softly, more to himself than to the children.

The obvious ignorance of the stranger before him seemed to enrage the flaxen haired boy more and in a fit of bravery he hissed, "I know that you're the fiend Golbez!"

The man slowly raised an eyebrow, still smiling. "Oh, is that so?"

"Come on, let's go…" the other little boy was now begging his companion; the man was definitely scaring him.

His friend would not listen. "My dad said that you killed many people." His voice had begun to tremble slightly.

Something seemed to stir in the man, but his outer appearance was still calm. "Your father seems to be a very wise man." The smile on his lips vanished. "Then he has possibly also told you how easy it is for two boys like you to get lost in the wilderness. No witnesses, no shelter-anything could happen to you…" His eyes narrowed. "Maybe you should go home now." It sounded like an order and one which the smaller of the two boys followed promptly, uttering little screams and sobs while running away as fast as he could.

The defense of the other boy was swaying as well; it took the man only a step forward in the child's direction to cause the youth to run away in a similar fashion as his friend had done; his sobbing even louder.

Slowly, the eyebrow of the man went down and a look of exhaustion settled on his face. "Will this never stop?" he mumbled softly, only to answer himself with, "of course it won't…" The answer seemed to please him and for a moment the look of exhaustion was replaced by one of contentment. The people feared him, disdained him; it was something he was used to, something _he had gotten used to_, maybe gotten used to too much, as the hostility of other people seemed no longer to move him at all.It did no longer hurt him, like it had done at first, nor did it satisfy him, as it had done once, as well… In fact he no longer seemed to care. He tried to picture the flaxen haired boy before his eyes, but all he could remember was another nameless face gazing at him in disgust and fear and he couldn't even figure out how he felt about it. With a little bitter laugh, he resumed his walk.

_"I wish my thoughts and fears would become clearer to me…"_ he thought, _"Like-" _he gazed down to his black boots stomping through the snow. _Clear like black and white - everything would be so easy if just these two colours existed. Black and white, good and evil, right and wrong, guilt and innocence."_

By now, the colourful roofs of a little fishing village came into view.

_"Things are never that easy. The only thing sure that life grants me is the guilt I have to carry…" _And, as the town neared and he saw a red chimney peeking out into the sky there, and the green gate there, he thought that any colour was better than the one that seemed to fill his whole being:

Because if a soul could have a colour, his would be grey.


	2. Chapter 1: Red and Yellow

**Chapter 1**

_Red and yellow_

"Your Majesty, is there something we can do for you?" the two Damcyan soldiers asked as their young King approached the door to his private rooms, smiling, but also looking quite exhausted.

"No thank you," Edward replied with his melodious, soft voice and smiled even more to support his remark. "I'll just rest a bit…"

"As you wish, Milord," the guards straightened up as their liege entered the chamber and closed the door softly behind him.

Still slightly smiling, Edward loosened the clasp of his red gown and let the cape fall to the ground with a careless gesture which for some reason seemed not to suit him. He dropped his smile, as well and went to the window. Leaning his forehead against the windowpane, he looked at the desert surrounding the castle.

Yellow and gold wherever one looked, bright mornings, blue sky and white sun during the day time, followed by deep red evenings, black nights with silver sparkling stars--no matter what the season was, the desert always stayed the same and Edward couldn't say that he would mind. He had grown up here and had learned to see the desert's beauty, its wondrous life forms -- for him it had never been a dead, monotonous hell like other people sometimes called it. 

Even now he watched the landscape with something others would have called contentment, just as some people thought that he had gotten over the past, that, just as he had overcome his fears in the Crystal War, he had overcome the sadness that had struck him after _she_ had left him.

After all he had a Kingdom to care for, friends that cared for him, his music too soothe him when he was sad and the endless desert around to remind him that something as eternity might well exist.

It was a bitter-sweet thought that the King of Damcyan had found his peace of mind after everything that had happened, but it was an illusionary one.

Truth was that he still liked the desert, but the golden dunes had lost their shine and sometimes the sun seemed to burn too bright for him, as well as the nights were too dark and cold.

The Kingdom--well, someone needed to rule over it.  After all he had to meet the expectations of his late parents, of the Elders who tried their best to help their young King, of his closest friends, Yang and Cecil, who had been glad to see the smile returning to the face of their friend upon taking up the throne of Damcyan.

However, had they just looked more _closely_, they might have seen that his eyes were _not_ smiling, but were looking expressionless into the distance and that the smile on his lips was burnt into his face; burnt because he had always smiled for her while she had been alive and would also smile for her now that she was gone…

He would also keep himself in shape for her, though nothing could mislead about the fact that the golden honey colour of his hair had become more dim, that the once so bright turquoise blue of his eyes had darkened and that the calmness in his gaze was not a sign of contentment, but a sign of the acceptance that she was dead forever, that everything in the world had lost its mystery, that everything that was left was grief…

In his heart he knew that this was not right, that maybe there was something else to this life, but he could not fathom what. His friends and advisers said that time would heal his wounds, but time had only shown that there was no one that could compare with Anna.

They said that if he just worked enough and took care of the Kingdom, he would find a new meaning in life, but the people, even if they were _his _people, could not replace the meaning _she_ had given his life.

"I'm sure you will find another love one day," his old nanny, one of the few Damcyan survivors of the Crystal War was often saying and though he always politely nodded, he met her words with incomprehension:

_"That's how it works only in fairy tales,_" he thought gloomily as he watched outside how a soft breeze was taking the glittering sand from one dune, only to built up a new dune with it, somewhere. His parents though and his love Anna would never come back…

Once, Edward had believed in fairytales. In fact the love between Anna and him had been one. Against royal etiquette he had, disguised as a bard, snuck out of the castle to court the beautiful burgundy haired girl that he couldn't forget since he had seen her on a visit in Kaipo. She had fallen in love with him on the first sight as well and against the resistance of her father, Tellah, she had agreed only too happily to come with him and become his Princess.

The days with her, despite Tellah's interferences, had been so sweet, his parents had taken the girl into their heart at once, and life had been noting less than a dream...until the day Golbez had attacked the castle with the Red Wings. Edwards's parents had been killed as soon as the Baronian soldiers had spotted them; in contrast to what the glorious sounding tales about the incident said, there had been no heroic fight for the crystal, as the attack had come so unexpected, that no on had even the chance to react…

And as the attackers had entered the main hall of the castle, inclined to kill the prince on sight, too, Anna had thrown herself before him, without a word, just a look filled with love, but also with sadness in her eyes.

_"In a fairytale, she wouldn't have died.  She would have survived and we would have lived happily ever after…"_

But, alas, life was no fairytale and she had died of the wounds the arrows had inflicted, her last words trying to make peace between the two people she had loved most: Edward and her father.

"And Tellah has died, too…"

All that was left to Edward now was his music, but the songs were no escape from reality for him, but always dealt with one thing: his one and only love.

Even more so, when playing his lyre and singing, the right words seemed to leave him, the tunes had no longer something lilting to it, the tones seemed to die away like they had never meant to exist; his fingers would hit the wrong string, slipping away from the instrument like her life had slipped through his hands.

Still, he would live on; he would drink, eat and sleep, smile and occasionally laugh, all for her, all to endure the eternity until his suffering would stop.  And sometimes he believed that only the endless sleep seemed to be able to do that.

But time went so slow…

Leaving the window, he approached a little stairway that was near the door to his room. He followed the steps down to a door that lead outside into a little garden--it had been Edward's wish that he could reach Anna's grave also from his room, so that if he wanted to mourn, he could do so without having to cross the whole castle and showing his grief openly.

There, amongst now withered dune grass laid a simple white headstone of marble, two dried roses on it: One red, one yellow.

With a bowed head Edward knelt before it, though there were no tears left he could cry since long ago.

"Anna, what is it I should do? It's been nearly two years now. I know I promised to live, but is what I'm doing really what you wished me to do when you talked to me for one last time in Kaipo? All I do is sit in my castle, contemplating, musing…" he whispered.

"Talk to me, just once more…" he begged, but the only answer he received was a sudden breeze, which blew the two roses from the grave… Edward tried to get hold of them, but the gust was faster; while the red rose got stuck in the iron fence surrounding the graveyard, the yellow one slipped through the bars and was blown away into the wideness of the desert. 

Carefully, Edward took up the red rose and placed it back on the grave--the red reminded him of her hair… and the blood on her gown… Another gust blew his honey coloured hair into his face. "Red and yellow… do you want to tell me that you will stay here and that I should leave, like I once did so long ago?" he mused.

Then again, it had just been the wind talking to him and not her…

Sighing, he retraced his steps to the stairs leading into the castle.  The duties of a King were waiting.

At the bottom of the step he stopped and gave one last, nearly longing look in direction of the endless sandy hills and it suddenly seemed to him as if the breeze had blown more into the desert than just the rose…


	3. Chapter 2: Light in a pale blue sky

_Author's notes: Finally, I'm back home and thus back to writing. Thanks to all reviewers so far for their patience!_

**---------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 2**

**Light in a pale blue sky**

_The ring was made out of finely polished gold, with a square sapphire set in the middle and two shining rubies at each side._

_"The colours of the ring are the colours of the Kingdom's crest," the young King of Baron started to explain. "The blue symbolizes the __Baronian__Sea__, but also the freedom of-- "_

_Golbez interrupted him with a bored snort"My dear brother, is it the duty of a king to memorize such banal lines and repeat them as often as possible? Humans always search for a meaning, a greater wisdom even in the smallest of things. I thought you, as a Half-Lunarian like me, knew better... Do you really care for such unnecessary things like 'this colour means this and that'?"_

_Cecil took a deep breath and managed a smile again, although nothing could hide the weariness the constant teasing of his brother had inflicted on his face. "Golbez, the only thing I care about at the moment is your safety. Though I hope that you will stay here in Baron as long as possible, I cannot stop you if you want to go. So please take this. If you ever need help it can open for you many doors." _

_"If you say so... I think most doors will close again as soon as the people realize who the owner of the ring is. But I'll accept your gift because it seems to make you happy. But does Rosa know that you're giving the Royal Treasures away?" Golbez chuckled. _

_He turned to go away, as otherwise he would have felt compelled to apologize to his little brother for the last remark. As always, there had been no real need for such words--Cecil had only wanted to be kind to his brother. The point was that Golbez was under the opinion that kindness was definitely nothing he deserved and he constantly tried to convince the other of this by being as cynical and unsociable as possible. However, his efforts proved to be fruitless as Cecil would always react on Golbez's provocations with ignorance or only a patient smile._

_This time, however, maybe because the day full of the duties of a ruler had worn out the young King's nerves, Cecil had decided to 'pay back' his brother's mockery._

_"Say, Golbez, I was wondering why you always wear black. Wouldn't any colour be good if colours are not important to you?" he called after him. His tone was earnest; it struck Golbez that Cecil wouldn't be able to manage a real cynical tone even if his life depended on it._

_He turned around. "Trying to be astute, Cecil, are we? I see your point. But I'm no bauble like this ring and this is not merely a colour. It is part of me," he said, and each word was sharp and aimed at Cecil's tongue to silence him._

_For a moment it seemed to have worked, as the Paladin studied Golbez wordlessly and calmly with his blue eyes. Then, for a moment the weariness in his face disappeared and with the matter-of-factness only a man who had overcome his own darkness could possess, Cecil said, "But like this "bauble" your colour might become iridescent if held into the light. Remember this."_

Golbez looked at the ring on his black gloved hand and moved it slightly so that the rays of the winter sun were caught in the facets of the jewels, making the colours shimmer and change with each movement. He raised his gaze into the dark blue sky and looked into the light until his eyes hurt so much that he had to close them.

His sight still slightly blurred from looking too long into the sun, Golbez took one last look at the ring before he pulled it off, and stored it away safely in his dark cloak.

"_No matter how long I walked in the light, my black hasn't become iridescent, little brother. It has just been bleached…" _

Just three days ago, Golbez had left Baron castle, much to the dismay of his brother, Cecil. Golbez was very well aware that the young King of Baron had hoped that he would feel more at ease in the castle, but starting from the moment Golbez had set foot on the Blue Planet, he had known that he couldnever call this place "home". Even more so as most of the people surrounding him had made it very clear that he should disappear back to where he came from as soon as possible. While walking, Golbez remembered once more the incident with the two boys…

_"You have killed many people…"_

Yes, it was true and he had even enjoyed it. His days under Zeromus had been an endless time of dark deeds committed with red desire for power and blood; deeds that had been planned with an icy cold, emotionless and cruel mind.

_"Desire, then again absolute coldness... So opposite, yet both were in my soul..."_

He had solely existed for and through these emotions and although the defeat of Zemus had freed him, it had also taken every purpose for living from him. What now reigned the hollow space inside of him was cold logic, maybe cynicism, a heavy guilt he felt with every step he took and a disgust against life in general, but mostly against himself.

_"I was not merely a pawn, like Cecil wants to believe. Zeromus had found everything he wished for in my soul... And maybe what he had searched for is still there, somewhere in the ruins of my heart..."_

Cecil would always tell others that Golbez had changed, but then why did the people still fear him?

"_Useless questions... They know what I did and there's nothing I can do that would bring back the dead or 'make things better again' like so many humans jovially put it… All that is left for me is to live with the guilt and finally die with it,"_ he brooded bitterly, like he had done so many countless times before.

Still, since he had unwillingly been awakened from his slumber on the moon and had been sent to the Blue Planet, too many things had happened to let him just rest in Baron and indulge the loathing of the people. Too many questions were nagging him and he was searching for the one person, who could maybe answer them all… Then, with his thirst for answers quenched, he needed to find a way to rest…forever.

He stopped for a moment, catching his breath, as his thoughts had made him walk faster in fury, and looked up to the sky. There it still towered, icy, calm and nearly unnatural: The Lunarian moon, his former home.

_"My home?__ No…my exile… But also my chance to escape this nightmare of my own existence. If I could just return there and continue my slumber, things would be better for everyone..."_ He frowned, and then added mentally, _"Maybe not for Cecil... He would probably miss me and I..." _

He decided to let things rest now before the thought of someone worrying about him made him feel too comfortable, as happiness was a thing he didn't deserve--and did not need.

_"Cecil is a fool ifhe would miss me… It must have something to do with this entire Paladin and brother thing that I told himI would return to Baron one day. And that is something that most likely will not happen..." _

He felt a sting of guilt at the thought that he had lied to his brother and for a moment the wave of self disgust that swept over him made him feel nauseous.

_"Why do things that concern him concern me as well?"_ It was a fact that otherwise Golbez was rather emotionless--the constant disdain of others around him had become so familiar to him and he himself was constantly filled with so much loathing that every inappropriate mockery he utteredand every insult he received from others seemed natural to him. After all, these situations only proved what he was and what he deserved. However, now and then something still seemed to touch him--much to his dismay.

_"I should have known that my brother would give his best to spoil me with needless human emotions... However, **she**..."_

His thoughts were broken by the loud and excited scream of a woman. Golbez raised an eyebrow. This could only mean that he had come close to the gates of the little fishing hamlet and that some citizens of the town had already spotted him. Setting up his best mocking expression, he approached the entrance of town and with it a group of maybe fifteen people, who were looking at him with hostility. Even before he had reached them, though, the people backed away and made place for him to walk through their midst...

As he strode though the lane of people, still the mocking smile on his lips, his boots cracking with a harsh sound on the snow below, he could feel their gazes on him, some hateful, others afraid or confused. A little girl whispered something and was hushed by her mother, while an elderly man mumbled some curses under his breath and a bearded farmer gripped the pitchfork he was holding in his hand more tightly. Finally, Golbez had passed the "welcome committee" and behind him, the people started to chatter loudly. Then, a voice could be heard:

"Best leave this town as soon as possible! We don't want your kind here!"

Golbez stopped and turned around slowly; in the short span of a second, not one of the people from before was to be seen. Shaking his head slightly, Golbez turned around again and took a moment to check his surroundings. With these few houses it was no problem to spot the tavern which he approached promptly--after all, in there the people couldn't run away from him, could they?

As he entered the sticky, smoky and warm room only a few customers interrupted their discussion to eye the newcomer. The alcohol level of the other ones was that high that they probably wouldn't have noticed the roof breaking down on them, Golbez mused.

Still, he surveyed the room carefully, trying to sense the general atmosphere--now and then some people always came up with the bad idea of attacking him and he wasn't keen on provoking a fight here… However, most customers were probably fishermen and either too drunk or too exhausted to tend to suicidal actions, so Golbez could mainly feel fear or slight aggression and--what was that?

Curiosity?

His gaze went to a young man who had been enthralled in a game of dice with two others and had stopped the game to now watch Golbez with sly eyes and a boyish, but in no respect, innocent smile. Not even Golbez's emotionless stare back was enough to make him drop his gaze. After a while, he resumed his game.

_"Strange fellows exist here… He probably is too drunk to recognize me…"_ Although the man had appeared sober...

Golbez approached the counter and sat down, not bothering to take off his snow covered cloak. He ordered a beer--not that he was much in the mood for the drink, but it seemed to be the custom of humans that trust often came only in exchange for money and since he wanted information he needed to build up some with the former. At first the barkeeper, a man with lines as deep as the chasm on Mt. Ordeals upon his face, seemed to hesitate to fulfill his order, but as Golbez threw some coins on the table with the words "I'll pay right away", the sense for business won over every shred of skepticism.

Upon the sound of the coins, the young man from before turned his head in Golbez's direction. Just now Golbez noticed that he and the others were enthralled in a game of not only dice, but also money…

_"I wonder if it is illegal… Sounds like something my little brother would forbid." _Suddenly, Golbez wondered if in his time as a Dark Knight, Cecil had not liked to play a game of dice and money with the other soldiers, as well. _"Why am I thinking so much about him? I'll not see him again, anyway, so best to forget about him right away and concentrate on the task at hand..."_

"Here." A mug of beer that had been prepared without proper care was put before him.

"Thank you very much," Golbez said with false politeness. "I also have a question: I need a ship and--"

"Ask in the Town of Baron," the barkeeper murmured and tried to hurry away. He did not go far, though, as Golbez's slender fingers had grabbed his arm lightly, but also firmly enough to hold him back.

"I happen to come from the town of Baron, my good man. I'm searching for a ship passage to Mysidia from here on. You do have a harbour, don't you? Or else where wouldall of the fishermen come from?" He motioned towards the other customers. The barkeeper looked alternately at the fingers around his arm and into Golbez's mocking but calm expression, though he looked less fearful than Golbez might have expected. _"He's probably used to strange guys and criminals…"_

"Just answer my question and I'm out ofhere…" Golbez added to hasten the decision of the barkeeper.

"We do have a harbour, but I'm pretty sure that no one will give you passage. It might not even be possible, as the sudden cold and the snow made long passages to Mysidia impossible."

"Thank you…" Golbez released the man, smiled slightly and took a sip of the beer.

_"Of course… how stupid--a town as little as this has no ships that could withstand the rough sea and the cold winds of a voyage to Mysidia. Maybe they can't even fish… It would explain the crowded tavern,"_ he mused and the sour taste of the flat beer in his mouth did not make his problems less heavy. "_I could return to Baron, but then--"_

"You swindler! For that I'll trash your sorry hide!" An angry shout echoed through the room, followed by the sound of glass smashing onto the floor and embarrassed laughter from the young man who had been playing dice.

"What's the matter, matey? Can't lose?"

"Can't lose? I would have won if you hadn't tricked us all! Look at this dice, it has only--"

"What dice?" the young man grinned mischievously.

"This little clown has hid them, but I'll find them well enough. Come here you dirty--"

"Don't touch me!"

It was then that a classical tavern fight began and that Golbez decided that his stay in this establishment had been long enough. Silently and unnoticed, as all eyes were directed on the brawl, he stood up and made his way towards the door, trying to go around the scene of the fight as best as he could. On his way, he effortlessly dodged a chair that someone had thrown at him accidentally, as well as some bottles and glasses and did not even flinch as he saw out of the corner of his eye that the young man had 'rescued' himself on one of the tables near him. Only a second later a body crashed against Golbez's side, making him stumble. Golbez only spared one short, slightly annoyed look down onto the flaxen haired man at his feet, then turned around to open the door--but was held back by two hands grabbing at his clock. He pulled, but the grip around the fabric became even stronger.

"Would you mind helping a person in need?" the man at Golbez's feet asked surprisingly cheerfully.

Golbez only snorted and opened the door, letting the cold air into the room.

"You want to go to Mysidia, right? I can help you!" The clear, boyish voice of the man tried to lure him.

"Of course…" Golbez murmured disdainfully. "As if a little swindler could help me with anything--"

"Careful!" The young man interrupted him and Golbez felt something hard and sharp being broken on the back of his head. With astonishing speed he whirled around, causing the young man hanging on his cloak to let go of it and he grabbed the wrist of the burly man who had attacked him, twisting it slightly. With a little cry, the man let go of the broken bottle in his hand and paled visibly.

"Don't do this again. You might hurt someone," Golbez noted dryly and released the man, who was staring at him with an open mouth.

The little incident had also attracted the attention of the other customers and most people were looking at the black haired wizard, who, despite the attack of the burly man, was still standing.

"Time to go!" the young flaxen haired man laughed nervously and scurried quickly like some kind of animal on all fours through the door outside, in passing pulling at Golbez's cloak. "What are you waiting for?"

Golbez complied wordlessly, glad to finally be leavingthe tavern. The sticky air in there had made his head hurt. However, the cold awaiting him outside was more biting than before and did not help to lessen the pain. Then, the world became suddenly black before his eyes…


	4. Chapter 3: White as snow, red as blood

**Chapter 3**

**White as snow, red as blood**

_All he saw were eyes that were looking into his soul--_

_"You're not a bad person…"_

_/I am. Why can't YOU see it.../_

_Lips that were giving way to the strangest of words--_

_"I've seen enough…"_

_/No, you have not seen my desire…/_

_A soul that was broken like his--_

_"I really wanted to help you…"_

_/It is a hopeless love… You understand, don't you/_

_A heart that had been so pure, yet so full of grief--_

_"I love you…"_

_/Why am I sad? I'm neither the one in love nor the one who is loved…/_

_Tears--_

No, not tears…

"Hey, wake up!"

Golbez's eyes flashed open as something cold was put on his forehead and then slid down his face, getting into his nose and mouth.

"Pfft!" His upper body came up in reflex and he spat out the last traces of molten snow. However, the stinging pain in his head and another fit of nauseamade him quickly lay down on the cold ground, again.

"Hit you pretty hard, eh? You even passed out for some minutes," a cheerful voice stated and the grinning face of the flaxen haired swindler from the tavern looked down on Golbez.

Golbez stared back, a frown building on his face that only strengthened the pounding in his head.

"Seems the bottle of the man in the tavern had some effect on you after all. It's a wonder that you didn't break down right away--this guy is the strongest in town!"

Golbez ignored the blabbering of the man and carefully tried to find out where he was; his observations found him lying on the back in the snow in the middle of a little alley behind some houses.

"It was pretty hard to drag you all the way here. Looked like a murderer was trying to hide his victim!" The young man started to laugh in an overbearing manner that unnerved Golbez immediately.

"Thank you. I don't know why you helped me, but now I must be going." Golbez slowly stood, feeling somewhat angry with his lack of constitution.

_"I'm able to wield high level magic, but a simple hit of a bottle brings me down on my knees... " _

"Hey, wait! You're bleeding!" The young man pointed at some traces of red in the white snow. "Let me help you. A friend of mine lives right--"

"Listen, I don't believe that a stranger has any interest in helping a person like me just out of the blue! That's a thing that happens only in bad stories!" Golbez sighed, kicking some snow from his black boots and trying to ignore the hammering in his head.

"Well, maybe I _have_ an interest…" the young man grinned.

_"Now he'll probably say something like 'You helped me back then, so I returned the favour', or 'I always wanted to have a friend and you looked like a nice person',"_ Golbez thought, at the same time amused and disgusted.

"And that interest would be...?" he asked, feigning curiosity.

"I want your money," the blond man stated.

The answer left Golbez baffled. _"Why would he admit that he's some kind of thief?"_

He felt for his bag of coins in the folds of his cloak; it was still there and obviously full, as well. "Why didn't you just take my money then while I was unconscious?" Golbez asked, though inertly wondered if all this talking was leading anywhere.

The man held up a hand: "Hey! Do I look like I would commit such kind of thievery--"

Golbez's look silenced him.

The young man grinned. "Okay, maybe I _would _do it… However, you look like you can fight very well, maybe even know some magic and I'm no fool who wants to die young. So I decided to take the easy way to relieve you of some cash by just helping you."

"The easy way?" Golbez frowned--himself and the expression "easy" did not fit well together. Even Cecil would never dream of calling anything involving his brother easy.

"Are you planning on standing here the whole day? Look, I want your money and you want to go to Mysidia. Doesn't that sound like we could get along? But first let's take care of this wound of yours." Without fear the man grabbed for Golbez's arm and pulled him towards a little house at the end of the alley, where he knocked on the door.

"Mary, open up! It's me!"

After a while the door was pushed a bit and the face of a young, pretty woman with brown hair in a ponytail looked out of the crack. "Tristan! What happened to you? Looks like you got into a fight, again…" she frowned and was about to close the door once more.

With astounding speed Tristan, as he was obviously called, put his foot in the space between door and frame. "Mary, this time I didn't do anything! But my friend here is a bit messed up and could really use some help. And you're the only one I can turn to!" he said in honeyed tones.

Mary glared at him. "The only one, eh? Well, yesterday I saw you "turning" to this little blond slut living near the marketplace…"

"Nancy?" Tristan blushed a bit, though Golbez presumed that even that was played.

_"Great… He's not only a swindler, but a womanizer as well…"_ Golbez was about to leave this sad spectacle of human dishonesty and weakness silently, as Tristan played out his final trump:

"I only told Nancy that it is over between us," he smiled engagingly. "And that…" he made a dramatic pause while he took something golden out of his pocket, "I have decided for you."

"Tris! That's for me?" The girl started to giggle and took the present happily. "Oh you sweetie!" She fell around his neck and started to shower him with kisses--an action Tristan "endured" with much enjoyment, as it seemed.

"Can we come in now, Nan-eh Mary?" 'Tris' brought forth between two kisses.

"But of course! What's your friend's na--" Suddenly the girl froze and became pale as a ghost. She released her grip around Tristan's neck and took a step back. "You look exactly like--"

"Sweetheart, it doesn't matter who he reminds you off, I can assure you that this man here is no danger." Tristan smiled at her sweetly. "He's an old friend of mine. Don't frown, little rabbit. You know that I love you and that I would never bring criminals into your house. I'm an honest man and you can trust me."

_"Well done, little boy. I've never heard anyone utter so many lies in a row…"_ Golbez thought, though not without amusement and he decided to play the game along a little longer--partly because he really needed to find a way to go to Mysidia, but also because the contact with a scoundrel such as this Tristan was… interesting. He wondered why Tristan seemed to be so carefree around him though he knew that he was the infamous Golbez--and the young man surely did know that, didn't he?

Tristan's "soothing" words had calmed Mary and she beckoned them both into her home, though eyed Golbez a bit nervously as he passed her by.

Mary's home was exactly like Golbez had expected it: It was neat, clean and every piece of the spare furniture in it seemed to get treated with extreme care.

_"I guess one could call her a good girl… Though naïve and not too clever. And you can only afford one of these faults in life…"_ he thought while Mary motioned him to sit down on a chair.

"I'll be right back with something to treat the wound with," she said, though by the way she clutched Tristan's present happily in her hand, it was sure that this moment would take a bit longer than expected, as she had other things to inspect first…

Golbez looked at Tristan who had made himself comfortable on a chair as if the house belonged to him. "Don't you think that you should tell your little lady friend who I am?" Golbez asked him with raised eyebrow. _"Why did I say that? I really don't care for the well-being of that girl… Cecil's influence must make me feel the urge to be "social"…"_

Tristan flashed him a goofy grin and grabbed an apple from a bowl on the little table before him. "Oh yeah, we haven't exchanged names yet. As you probably have already noticed my name's Tristan. And you are…?"

Golbez gave him a cold stare. "Don't try to be funny. You know my name."

Tristan laughed. "What are you talking about? Where should I know you from? Mary seemed to know you, but then again she knows most men in town, if you know what I mean…" he winked mischievously and took a bite of the apple.

_"So this explains a lot… He does not know who I am. But now it's time to end this little unpleasant social episode of my life…"_

Golbez leaned back a bit in the chair and folded his arms.

"I'm Golbez."

Tristan frowned.

_"That is it--as soon as his little brain has understood the meaning of my words, he won't be so self-confident any more."_

"This apple tastes sour…" Tristan said and the frown disappeared as he put the half eaten fruit onto the table.

Now it was Golbez's turn to frown. "Excuse me?" his dark voice asked.

"Oh sorry, so your name is Golbez? I presume "the Golbez"?" Tristan was still as calm as before.

_"Is he trying to be brave, or is he really that dumb?"_ As Golbez looked into Tristan's green, always slyly smiling eyes, he realized that the man before him was neither the one nor the other, but just plainly didn't fear him. _"Impressive…"_ he unwillingly thought.

"Yes, I'm "the Golbez" as you so politely put it. To be honest I'm surprised that you do not seem to be disturbed by that fact…" he said with a raised eyebrow.

Tristan was still smiling. "If you were as hostile as they say, you would have done worse to the man in the tavern--and to me, by the way." He grinned even more and leaned a bit forward to say in a lower voice, "Also, we bad boys must hold together, don't you think so?"

"We must… hold together?" Golbez thought that he had seen it all, but this man before him was just…an impossible person. For a moment it seemed even impossible that such a human being could exist at all.

Before he could make his confusion air, Tristan silenced Golbez by laying a finger on the lips. "Shh. There comes someone who probably _would_ be disturbed by your name," he said with a joking undertone.

Just then Mary had entered the room, carrying a piece of cloth. Giving Golbez a nervous glance, she positioned herself behind him and expected the wounds. "It's bleeding badly… How did you get it, Sir?" She asked, though Golbez had the impression that the question was directed to Tristan, who probably was only too willing to make up a new embarrassing lie.

"I slipped," Golbez said quickly.

Even this simple answer was enough to satisfy Mary's curiosity. "Okay, Sir, this might hurt a bit…" she said and pressed the antiseptic cloth to the wound.

Golbez just took a sharper breath than usual as the stinging and hammering _in_ his head was joined by burning pain spreading _on_ his head--however, pain was something he was used to and sometimes he nearly welcomed it as it showed him that he was feeling something.

This time, though, Tristan proved to be more interesting than the pain in his head.

The flaxen haired man had leaned comfortably back in his chair and had put his boots on the table, making it clear that Mary's house belonged him--in fact the young man always looked so self-confident as if the whole world was his own.

_"And his own to do as he pleases…"_ Golbez thought and reminded himself that he once, too, had realized his and the plans of his master by any means possible. For a moment he did not know whether to feel disgusted or amused by this obvious similarity between Tristan and himself.

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Tristan got pale and stared wide eyed at Golbez.

_"Maybe now he has understood who I am…"_

On a second glance, it seemed to him, though, that Tristan wasn't staring at him, but at Mary--or better, her hand. Just then it dawned on Golbez. _"He wouldn't…"_ Carefully, Golbez searched though his pocket and found the terrible suspect to be right. _"Why didn't I realize it sooner? I must have been distracted by the boy's annoying talk…"_

Tristan's eyes widened in terror as he saw how Golbez's eyes narrowed to slits.

"I think that my head will be fine now, Miss. Let me put the bowl on the table..." Before Tristan could react, Golbez had taken the hand of the surprised girl in his own to get the bowl and held it just a bit longer than necessary to take a look at her finger.

"What a nice ring you have…" Only his mouth was smiling.

"Yes, I do think so too!" Mary beamed. "And Tristan has even engraved something for me, though I haven't read it yet!"

"And maybe you should do this later…" Tristan said quickly, cold sweat building on his forehead, though he tried his best to keep his smile on his face. "You know, when we're in private," he added suggestively--Golbez could not help but wonder how good Tristan was able to make up lies even when in danger.

Mary blushed and disappeared giggling into the kitchen to wash the cloth. Golbez let her go without saying anything.

For a moment there was only silence between the two men.

"I guess she will be surprised that the inscription deals with the kingdom of Baron…" Golbez said dryly after a pause.

"Look, I found this ring in your pocket and thought it would be a little… reward for getting your wound treated here, " Tristan explained his actions with a matter-of-fact tone, as if the theft had been the most natural thing in the world and he did not even seem ashamed of doing so.

"You can have money, but not the ring. Get it back or I will, myself." Golbez's tone was sharper now. The ring had been a gift of Cecil and although he did not plan on ever using it, he didn't feel like letting go of it.

Tristan was obviously nervous now. "If this ring is so important to you, I'll get it back before we leave, but on _my way_…" he grinned, and as soon as it had come, his nervousness was blown away. "We don't want to stay here all day, anyway. You wanted to go to Mysidia, right?"

"Yes. Though I still doubt that you can be any help in that. Your talents seem to lie on other fields…" Golbez remarked, turning around to watch Mary watching dishes in the kitchen. He did not like the thought of her losing the ring in the sink.

"You would be surprised of my talents. For example I can--"

"That's enough. We'll leave now and you tell me about your great abilities outside!" Golbez stood up abruptly, getting more than tired off all this unnecessary chatter. "And get the ring!" he hissed threateningly.

Even Tristan's self confidence seemed to have its limits and by Golbez's tone he knew that the other was not up for games. He quickly hurried into the kitchen. Several hushed spoken words and some clearly audible kisses later, Tristan emerged again.

"I told her I'll let a goldsmith produce a copy of the ring…for our weeding," Tristan whispered towards Golbez and uttered the most scornful little laugh in, as Golbez thought, the history of the Blue Planet. Tristan then changed his expression to one of utter devotion and love to the "girl of his heart" and turn around to wave the brightly beaming Mary goodbye--a goodbye that unbeknownst to her would be a final one. Golbez presumed that it was very unlikely that Tristan would ever show his face in Mary's house, probably not even in this town, again.

_"Disgusting..."_ it passed through Golbez, though he wondered if it was just pity for the girl he felt. Although Tristan's actions were clearly something people would describe as morally disgusting, Golbez was normally not one to make such judgments and he could not help but be slightly impressed by the 'methods' of the young man. _"If he really knows a way to go to Mysidia it might become an interesting voyage indeed…"_

To his indignation, Golbez suddenly realized that he was actually considering taking up Tristan's offer, although the man was far from being trustworthy, was annoying him greatly with his talking, and was stealing everything he could get his hands on. Still, Tristan was able to play with humans and their emotions in a way that interested Golbez.

However, the time for playing was now over and if Tristan was to journey with him, it was useful to teach the boy that he could not get away with everything. As soon as they had left the house, Golbez started the lesson clear by slamming the surprised Tristan against a wall, where he held him with ease with an outstretched arm.

"The ring!" He demanded. "And then you will tell me about the way to Mysidia."

Smiling, despite his uncomfortable position between Golbez and the wall, Tristan managed to give the other the ring. "Here you are. And now calm down! I didn't know that this was the Royal Ring of Baron Kingdom!" He explained coolly, virtually unimpressed by Golbez's display of strength. "So if King Cecil gave you that, why didn't he give you a boat? Or an airship?"

_"I didn't want to give him more trouble… To ask even more of him--what he has given me out of his free will was already enough… And I wanted to leave as soon as possible… before I would lose the courage to do so…"_

"I didn't ask for one," he said to Tristan.

The other eyed him attentively. "You're one of the silent sort, aren't you?" But he quickly fell silent as Golbez's grip around his collar became stronger.

"Not as silent as you might like if this discussion continues this way. So, I have money, you have a boat I can use to go to Mysidia, right?"

Tristan smiled sheepishly. "Well, the money part is okay, but I don't have a boat--and even if I had, we would have to wait until spring to set over the ocean. The Serpent Way is also out of question as you surely do not want to return to Baron, do you?"

Golbez frowned. "You don't care much for the world around you, do you? The real problem of the Serpent Way lies elsewhere. It has lost its power and was sealed to prevent monsters from emerging out of it."

Tristan's eyes grew big. "Wow, who might have so much power to seal such a way? One could make a lot of money with such an ability."

"Really? Well, I'm the one who sealed it." Golbez said, his face a cold mask.

For a moment Tristan's jaw dropped down, but only for a moment. "Okay, seems we will have to take my "secret" route to Mysidia, then. First, I will show you a way over the mountains near Baron in order to get to Damcyan. With their hovercraft we can get to--"

Inertly, Golbez started to wonder if he hadn't overestimated Tristan beforehand. "You're making things up, aren't you? You don't really know a way to Mysidia, do you?"

Tristan looked at him reproachfully, though Golbez couldn't say whether it was played or not. "Listen to me, there's supposed to be a little cave near Damycan amongst the reefs in which an ancient magic was sealed and--" Tristan trailed off even before Golbez had started to laugh disdainfully, realizing the absurdity of his words. Still, Tristan was not one to give up--at all.

"You don't believe me. But it's true… I met this Agartian scholar and I was able to… partake in his knowledge. Another device similar to the Serpent Way exists and these caves are a likely place for it. Finding it would mean the magic of teleportation to wherever one wants…"

_"Wherever…" _Golbez's laughing stopped in an instant. Although he knew that Tristan was not one who could be trusted and his story seemed more than implausible, it did not seem to matter to him anymore as there now was a possibility; an unlikely one, but a possibility of not only being able to teleport to Mysidia but also…

_"To the moon… to rest, forget… forever…."_

Still, as tempting as it was, Golbez's natural sense of suspicion had not left him even in this moment. "But even if we found it, you wouldn't be able to operate it, would you?"

"Bingo!" Tristan exclaimed as cheerfully as he could while still being pinned on the wall. "Not much is known about the nature of the device--it could be a machine, but it could as well be only a spell scroll. I cannot use magic nor do I know anything about machines, also I cannot fight very well in case the caves are occupied… But you seem to be someone with many abilities… I have just been waiting for an individual like you!" He smiled brightly and so innocently that every person except Golbez might have fallen for it.

Still, even Golbez was inertly going through the pros and cons of undertaking the journey with Tristan. He wondered what possible benefit Tristan could gain from lying to him and found no obvious one.

"I will believe your story for now…" Golbez mumbled and released his grip from Tristan's collar.

Tristan brushed his cloak. "So, do we have a deal? 100 gold now and 1000 later."

"Nothing now, 1000 later and I don't tell your Mary about the ring," Golbez tried to negotiate.

Tristan grinned triumphantly. "Blackmailing me? But I don't care if you tell Mary. I'll be able to get out of it."

It passed Golbez that Tristan's acting qualities would enable him in fact to get out of nearly every situation._ "He's really impossible…Maybe he is just what I deserve…"_ Sighing, Golbez opened his bag of coins. "Fine," he counted out some money, "100 now and what you get later we'll see, right? And from now on I will not let you out of my sight. I don't want you to disappear with the money my broth--with the money I got."

Tristan shrugged. "Fine with me. So off to the market we go. We need some carrots."

"Carrots? You don't mean--"

"Exactly."

Golbez could no longer hold up his cool expression, and looked very weary all of a sudden. He knew that it was his fate to get punished, that he deserved every humiliation which was inflicted on him, but if there existed _one_ humiliating thing in the world not even he deserved, it was riding on a chocobo…


	5. Chapter 4: Golden revelations

_Author's notes: Again, thanks for your reviews. Oh and last time I forgot to thank Spiff for looking out for me – I have already fixed the __mistake. :)__ And to Sorceress-Seraphrim: Please be patient one more chapter. I haven't forgotten the spoony bard! ;)_

**Chapter 4**

**Golden**** revelations**

"Come, birdie birdie, come!" Since approximately half an hour ago, Tristan was waving around a carrot wildly with an outstretched arm. Golbez, leaning against a tree in the little snow covered forest, was watching him with a sour expression, pondering over how he had gotten into all this…

"I don't understand it!" Tristan wondered. "Why won't the birds come? These carrots cost me money!"

"They didn't. You stole them when you thought that I was not looking…" Golbez said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…" Tristan did not even seem to be ashamed. "Why buy something when you can have it for free?"

"You have an interesting lifestyle," Golbez remarked sarcastically, "One that will surely _cost_ your life one day…"

Tristan shrugged, still concentrating on luring a chocobo. "We'll all kick the bucket sooner or later…" He stopped for a moment in his actions to flash Golbez a grin. "Besides why are you playing the rightful guy? From what I hear, you're not exactly innocent either…" Tristan's grin disappeared and he started waving the carrot even faster than before as he beheld Golbez's expression changing to one of rage...

"_You're not exactly innocent_? That is hardly a way to describe what I've done!" the black haired wizard thundered, all his calmness disappearing. "I killed a lot of people and I'll surely do it again if the dark side in me gets stronger!"

"Hey! Calm down! I hit a weak spot, didn't I?" Tristan was not even bothering to look at him--the swindler's constant self assuredness broke the last of Golbez's nerves and he approached the other.

"Don't take me lightly, boy," he hissed and in that moment, his whole stature was so dark, so frightening, that even Tristan took a step back. "You may think that you're a match for me, but believe me, you are _not_ and as soon as all this is over, you'd better be out of sight as soon as you can! It's only for your well-being."

_"And mine…"_ Golbez thought gloomily. In fact, Tristan was better at ignoring any hostile motion from him than Cecil had ever been and thus was annoying Golbez more and more.

"Ooookay…" Tristan took a deep breath. "As soon as I have the money, I'm outta here. But to get anywhere we need to catch a chocobo! Look! There behind the bushes: there's one!" He started the "carrot attack" once more. "Birdie, birdie, birdie!"

Golbez sighed, fell silent and just stared at the animal. After a while, the yellow creature warked and trotted over to the two men. Golbez closed his eyes, and just several seconds later, another chocobo emerged from behind the trees.

"You can put the carrot away," he said dryly and caught one of the birds rather roughly around the neck to keep the nervous chirping animal from running away once the telepathic contact was broken.

Tristan was watching the other chocobo trotting towards him with big eyes, then looked at his travel companion. "Wow! How did you do that? Wait, now I remember! Back then you hypnotized all the guards in Baron so that they would follow you and then--"

"Yes." Golbez cut him short. He did not like to talk about his ability to manipulate the human mind.

"Okay, okay, so now we have a chocobo and _what_ a chocobo at that!" Tristan approached the animal that, in contrast to Golbez's bird seemed rather friendly and patted it. "I'll call mine "Goldie" in spite of the riches I--" he bit his lip. "Okay, forget that. What will you call your one?"

"No name! Why should I give an animal a name?" Golbez grumbled as he swung himself onto the bird, picturing in his imagination how silly he possibly looked; however, he also had to admit that the body warmth of the chocobo was pleasant after the long time he had spent in the cold snow. This little feeling of comfort was making him frown. With a soul as cold as his, he didn't deserve any warmth, and shouldn't care about it as well.

"Okay, then its name is No-name!" Tristan grinned, mounting his chocobo as well. As he saw Golbez frown even more, he added: "Yeah, I know that the joke is old… Still, you have to give your chocobo a name, so that the steering might be easier. These animals are very intelligent…"

"Probably more intelligent than you, boy…" Golbez mused, though as he saw Tristan maneuvering his chocobo very skillfully, he wondered if he wasn't just underestimating his new travel companion.

_"If Cecil would see me, riding on a chocobo accompanied by the worst and most ruthless trickster the Blue Planet has ever brought forth…"_

Somehow, the thought had something amusing to it, but also something bitter.

_"My last journey has started now for real, little brother…"_

The feeling of guilt made his soul heavy once again, knowing that Cecil would probably be sick with worry if no word of his brother came… Inertly, Golbez decided to make sure that the Paladin knew at least that there was no sense in looking for him, or waiting for him forthat matter. It was the least he could do--not to lessen his guilt, as this was not possible anyway, but because there was no reason to make things for Cecil even harder.

_"He's done more good to me than I deserved…Still, he will have to accept that it was not enough to make me see the light…"_

xOx

"Well, here we are…" Tristan halted his chocobo, dismounted and approached the bush covered rock wall belonging to the north-eastern mountains near Baron's coast.

"Most people think that an overland route from Baron to Kaipo desert no longer exists, since the mighty Summoner Rydia destroyed the mountain pass between Mist and the desert."

Golbez uttered a little laugh. It was amazing what kind of stories people were telling about the Crystal War. "As far as I know, she never _intended_ to destroy it, but only reacted out of rage and to defend herself…"

"Oh, I forgot. She's one of your friends, right?" Tristan asked, while searching along the bushes for the hidden pass.

"My… friends?" Golbez raised an eyebrow. "I can assure you that I have no such relationship with any of the people I know…"

"Oh, come on! You don't have to play the hard guy! What's with me? We're one of a kind--if we are not friends, who then?" It was hard to say, even for the slightly baffled Golbez, if Tristan was just teasing him or really believed the outrageous statement he had just uttered.

"_One of a kind!_ Are you starting again with this--" Before Golbez's whole rage could unleash, Tristan gave in, or at least tried to.

"Of course _you _are the more evil one of us two. There, is it that what you wanted to hear?"

"You…" Golbez raised a hand to his forehead, feeling very weary all of a sudden. The comments of his new travel companion were often leaving him more speechless than he wanted to be.

Tristan was still searching for the entrance to the pass and was desperately trying to move the big twigs of some big snow covered thorny plants aside. "Damn, this hedge sure has grown since I last was here…" he cursed.

Golbez watched the half hearted fight of "Tristan against nature" for a while before he decided to interfere. "Need help?" He stretched out his hand with a bored gesture:

"Fire!"

At once, the whole bush started to burn, and Tristan could only jump aside in time to keep from being set ablaze as well.

"Hey! Take care! You could have hit me! Besides, do you think that setting all the plants on fire is the right way?"

"Since when are you worried about what is right or not? It seems that a little fire is the only way to get through here before next year…" Golbez replied calmly, watching the blazing flames with crossed arms.

Tristan settled next to him and started to look at the fire in the same fashion. "Say…Why are you so eager to go to Mysidia, anyway?" he asked, watching the other out of the corner of his eye. "You could have stayed at the castle of your brother, enjoying the riches and the luxury there..."

_"Now he's also asking questions…" _Golbez sighed, knowing that Tristan wasn't someone you could just ignore. The little weasel would pester him until he had found out about Golbez everything he _wanted _to find out... Still, he would try to give away as little as possible.

"I'm not here to stay. My whole goal is to leave this Planet as soon as possible, although before that, I need to get some things… cleared… I think the path is accessible now--let's get moving," he said quickly and mounted his chocobo, giving Tristan no more chances to make any further inquiries.

xOx

Under Tristan's guidance they followed the winding mountain trail for several hours, when finally the snow covering the rocky path lessened, which was a positive sign that the desert was no longer far away. They stopped, giving the animals a chance to rest and to feed on some carrots and on some sparse blades of grass showing up on the stony mountain path.

"Ah! It's good to move the legs again--they were short of freezing off! You don't mind the cold at all, do you?" Tristan looked at Golbez, who had sat down on a boulder and was writing something on a piece of paper.

Golbez just grunted and thus made Tristan chose a different approach.

"So, what are the things that you need to get cleared?" the flaxen haired man asked, slowly starting to circle around Golbez to see what the other was writing.

"I'm looking for something." Golbez replied without even looking up.

_"Father…"_

"You don't actually mean _someone_, do you?" Tristan grinned, leaning over Golbez's shoulder from behind to get another good look at the paper.

_"How could he know?"_

"What do you mean?" Golbez's head spun sideways and the wild expression on his face would have caused most people to run away screaming, or alternately make them go down on their knees, silently weeping…

However, Tristan was so blinded by self-esteem that he saw only an invitation to speak on: "I saw how you looked at the women in town…" he clicked suggestively with his tongue.

"Excuse me?" Golbez railed, though he inertly was relieved that Tristan had not brought up Klu Ya. At the same time sickness arouse in him because what the other had said was partly true--he _had been looking for_ _her_ involuntarily and that was something he couldn't allow himself to do.

_"You need to keep control. If you loose it, your dark side might break out again. And you need to stay calm if you want to confront Klu Ya..." _

Tristan was realizing nothing of the inner fight Golbez was going through. "Come on, who is she? You can tell it to your friend Tristan!"

Golbez said nothing.

"So what's it you're writing there?" Before Golbez could react, Tristan had taken the paper out of his hands.

"Oh, a letter to the King of Baron…"

"Give it back at once!" Golbez jumped up, though quickly sat down again as he became aware that his behaviour was like the one of a five-year old. He wondered when the last traces of dignity had left him. Maybe had been in the moment when he had agreed to travel with this little stealing devil, who had just danced away, eyes glued to the letter.

"Hmm… You don't actually want to send this to your brother, do you?"

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Well, the reason for the letter is that you obviously care for him and don't want him to worry about you, right?"

"And?"

Tristan sighed like a teacher would in front of a totally ignorant pupil. "Well, listen to what you've written so far:

"_Cecil, this will be the first and the last letter you'll ever receive from me. I just want to inform you that I lied to you and won't be coming back to Baron--surely you will understand that this is better for everyone._"

He rolled his eyes. "Much too insensitive… It will break the poor Paladin's heart!"

Golbez's chuckled. "I didn't know that _you_ were a man of sensitivity…" Inertly, though, he wondered if he couldn't have chosen other words.

_"Etiquette was definitely something Zemus has not taught me…"_

"You will be surprised of my abilities!" Tristan exclaimed, and grabbing the quill from Golbez's hands, started to write his own version of the letter on the backside of the paper:

"_My dear brother,_" he murmured.

"I would never write this." Golbez stood up, inclined to stop Tristan in his doings.

"Maybe, but this is what your brother would want to hear, right?"

Golbez raised an eyebrow. There was indeed some logic in Tristan's words. Maybe it would make things easier for Cecil if the last word he ever got of his brother was a friendly, civilized one. "I see your point, but why are you interested in what my brother thinks?"

"Let's just say that this is a service from a man who knows his way with women _and_ words…" Tristan's lips curved into a sly smile. "Besides I'd like to include myself a bit in the letter… Surely word will spread around that someone like me is traveling with the "Dark Golbez" or whatever they call you. Accordingly, if you suddenly disappear to the moon or sun or wherever, I bet especially your brother will be interested in my person--and I want this to be on polite terms and not end up in a stinky prison cell for a supposed murder that did not happen."

Again, Golbez did not know how to react on Tristan's "logic", which probably wasn't logic at all but just… skilful persuasion. And it worked…

"All right, go ahead…" he sighed in defeat.

"I knew that you would appreciate my help. So let's see…" Tristan bit his bottom lip upon reflecting, then started to scribble down some lines nearly frantically. "How about this..."

"_My dear brother,_

_I'm sorry that this goodbye reaches you only by a mere letter, but know at least that each of the words written in it are as true as gold._"

Golbez frowned, trying to understand the sense of the sentence. "Gold?"

"Yeah, this word has a nice ring to it…" Tristan argued. ""_Heart like gold_", "_sweet golden hair_"--all that."

"You're not writing some sort of love letter…" Golbez was already regretting that he had yielded to the other.

Tristan laughed nearly a bit disdainfully. "Love letter, family letter, whatever. Always use as many useless paraphrases as possible to distract the reader from the unpleasant _true_ intent of the writing. Believe me, I've written a lot of goodbye letters in my life and know what I'm talking about…"

"I do, in fact, believe that." Somehow, Golbez was sure that Mary would be the next to receive one of Tristan's letters...

The flaxen haired man read on:"_Currently I'm journeying together with a guide who... _No wait, let's make it _trustful guide_… Even better: _friendly, handsome, trustful-_-"

"I told you, this is no love letter!" Golbez was slowly getting impatient. This whole situation was so ridiculous!

"Okay, okay… Only _trustful_ then. Your brother will be happy to know that you're in good hands, right?" Tristan grinned and continued:

"_We are on a journey to Mysidia, where I want to look for--_"

He looked up. "So what's the name of this woman you searched for in town?"

Maybe it was because he wanted to give Tristan something to chew upon so that the other might stop with his damn questioning, or maybe it was because he needed to get this off his mind. Golbez didn't know why he felt compelled to answer and he regretted it as soon as the words had left his mouth:

"I… I was looking for a... woman I once knew. Her name was Dawn and she--" he wanted to add: _"She has died",_ but Tristan wouldn't let him talk any further.

"Ha! I bet you were a nice couple. The dangerous, once evil Master Wizard Golbez and a sweet maiden--" He stopped as he noticed Golbez growl.

"If you continue with this nonsense, you can an experience first hand just _how_ evil I am…" the black haired wizard hissed and his eyes darkened. "We weren't in love..."

"_Why am I telling him all this?"_ However, it was too late to stop now…

"She was in love with someone else, although she knew that she could never have him."

Tristan laughed pitilessly. "What a stupid person…"

Golbez shot him a disgusted look. "Interesting that you say so. What about this girl who believes that you love her and wants to marry you? Is she stupid, also?"

Tristan put on his most innocent look. "Which girl do you mean? Nancy? Mary? And, err… What were the names of those sisters again…?" He continued quickly. "Anyway, I wouldn't call any of them stupid. They actually "had" me for a little while and they were happy during that time!"

"A very fleeting happiness, wouldn't you say?"

Tristan shrugged. "That's how life goes. No girl can be surprised if I don't exactly turn out like the knight in shining armour they are dreaming of…"

_"A knight in shining armour…"_ Golbez uttered involuntarily a bitter laugh. No one could have rescued Dawn, not Cecil and especially not he, himself--he was as far away from being a knight as one could get… _"And you will befar away from reaching your goals if you don't stop thinking about a person who is dead…" _He decided to put an end to the discussion.

"All this talking leads to nothing. Your Marys and Nancys are of no interest to me, as my personal affairs shouldn't be of any interest to you. The woman I told you about has passed away, so be assured that I'm not searching for her," he said a bit too quickly--he was well awarethat he was lying once more. _"Must be a growing habit of mine…"_

"Oh. So if she's dead, what should I write instead?" Tristan was surprisingly unmoved by Golbez's story. Suddenly he realized that the long haired man was about to mount his chocobo.

"Hey--what's the matter? I'm not finished yet!"

"Forget about this unimportant letter for now. Kaipo is not far away, right? Night is slowly falling, so now would be a good time to travel through the short distance of desert we have to pass…" Golbez grumbled, wanting to get away from everything in that moment, if he could: from Tristan, from his worry about his brother, from the memory of Dawn…

And most of all from his own existence and past.


	6. Chapter 5: Blue night

**Chapter 5**

**Blue night**

_The melody was so sweet, so beautiful. It seemed to fill every longing which had ever existed in him, seemed to soothe every ache his soul had ever had to endure. His fingers strung the instrument as light and skillfully as if playing this song was his one destiny in life. _

_"Such a perfect song…" he thought, letting his fingers gently slip from the lyre's strings and listening entranced to the dying away of the last few crystal clear tones. There was no doubt that this melody was the best piece he had ever written and played--it had to be the song of his life. The song of their life. He needed to play it to her, right away and his heart leapt with joy and anticipation as he left the room, trying to find his fiancée._

_"Anna!" he cried, storming into her room without knocking, then stood dumbfounded upon realizing that she was not there. The chair in front of the marble dressing table was unoccupied and the white embroidered silken sheets on the bed looked untouched…His former joy was crushed a bit by the disappointment of not finding her here and he felt impatience arising within him, driven by the fear that he would forget the song if he could not play it to her right away. However, he knew that this could not happen. The song was in every vein of his body, in his heart. There was no way he ever could forget this most beautiful tune of all… _

_"I'm calling it "The Song of Love"," he thought and though this name was probably a name hundreds, thousands of melodies were bearing, there was no song he could think of to which the title fitted better. _

_He left Anna's room and quickly made his way down the stairs to the hall of the castle and into the dining room. Surely she was eating breakfast there with his parents; however, the room was empty… _

_"Where could she be?" He tried to calm down. The castle was huge and Anna knew her way around it well and had many places she liked. Still, she was neither in the throne room nor in one of the various studies of the castle… Slowly, it really started to worry him that all rooms were empty, but he couldn't think clearly about it as the melody in his head was playing on and on, telling him that everything was alright. However, as he stood again in the great hall of the castle, panting slightly, he no longer knew where to search._

_"Milord, can I help you?" a worried voice spoke to him and he realized that one of the castle servants was standing next to him._

_"Have you seen, by any chance, the Lady Anna? Has she left the castle this morning?" he asked the servant, once more joy flaring up in him. Surely the other would be able to help him and he finally could share with Anna the wonderful emotions the melody invoked in him._

_"But, Milord…Don't you know?" the servant asked, a look of confusion on his face._

_"What? What is it I don't know?" He was still smiling, the melody making him feel so alive and cheerful._

_The castle's chancellor appeared, inquiring if there was a problem._

_"He doesn't know…" the servant said, earnestly, nearly angry…_

_The chancellor sighed. "Milord, please remember…"_

_What? What should he remember? The song in his head got softer as his thoughts raced. Had he forgotten an important audience? About an official visit Anna wanted to undertake with his parents? No… no, there was something else… Something terrible, something causing his stomach and head to hurt, something making him feel giddy… Still, he couldn't grasp it and the more he tried to think about it, the more he felt dizzy. He got aware that other castle servants had assembled around him, watching him with looks of pity, but also incomprehension. Yes, some were regarding him nearly with disgust…_

_"What should I remember?" he asked. As there came no answer he nearly shouted in a desperate attempt to break through the silence of the people around him: "Tell me! What should I remember?!"_

_"She's dead, Milord." The answer of the chancellor came hard, cruel, matter-of-factly._

_"No! This is not true!" he exclaimed. How could she be dead if there was this beautiful song he needed to play to her?_

_"Get a grip on yourself, Milord! She's dead, dead like your parents." _

_"Dead like everything you loved, dead like your music," the voices of the servants around him confronted him, though he refused to believe them. _

_How could his music be dead? He still could hear the wonderful tune in his head! _

_"It's still playing!" he exclaimed, nearly triumphantly. If this song of love was not dead, Anna surely was still there, as well._

_"No, Milord. Listen carefully…"_

_"But I can still hear it! I--" The last traces of his smile vanished as he realized that the melody had become very quiet. All the bright colours the song had inflicted in him were darkening… _

_He tried to concentrate on the tune, to bring the notes, the colours back, but he couldn't… And with each note that died away he became more aware that he never would be able to play this song to Anna and he was overcome by an unbearable panic. He slumped to the floor, holding his head, as if trying to hold the melody back from getting sucked into the void of oblivion… _

_"No! Bring it back! It's disappearing! Bring her back! I need to play it to her before the melody dies away! Before I forget how to play it!"_

_But no one was helping him and his head felt as if it was about to burst open in its effort to understand what was happening, in an effort to grasp what he didn't want to grasp, to accept. It couldn't be that his parents were dead…That she was dead… _

_That he should loose this one song now when he had finally found it…_

As Edward awoke, silence greeted him. He stared for a moment with panic stricken eyes towards the ceiling, the shock of his former "experiences" still gripping him. Slowly, he realized that he had been dreaming again and he closed his eyes, feeling weary and exhausted.

_"The melody is gone…"_

The blanket of red velvet suddenly felt heavy and made it hard to breathe. For a moment he reveled in the experience and wondered what it would mean if he had to suffocate here and now, but then he realized, nearly a bit disappointed, that the velvet wasn't heavy and that the pressure was just his imagination. Nevertheless, feeling restless, he flung the blanket aside, quickly dressed and madehis way to the front door of the castle. The stony halls were silent; the carpet lined grounds even swallowed the sounds of his steps. He passed two guards, the only members of the castle staff who were awake.

"Up so late, Your Majesty?" they asked, slightly worried upon the strange expression on the face of their ruler.

"I just need some fresh air…" Edward replied, not even bothering to smile as he rushed out into the nightly desert.

The sky was clear and full of stars and the air was crisp, clear and cold, but Edward took no notice of all this. He was still caught in the folds of the dream, caught in the emptiness and darkness of his mind--but most of all caught in the silence of it…

_"The melody has died away…"_

He wished desperately that he could remember at least one note of the beautiful tune from his dream, that, just one more time, he could hear one tone of it… But there was only silence.

He turned around to look at the imposing front gate of the castle which stood dark in the night and it suddenly had something repulsive to it. It was like the entrance was the cause of the silence around him, sucking in every sound into the blackness behind. He suddenly dreaded returning to the building, returning to the quiet rooms which would never be filled with Anna's laughter again; returning to the much too big Throne Room where no voices of mother and father would ever give orders again; returning to the bleak sandy coloured halls which never would hear another beautiful melody…

But there--couldn't he hear a whistle? Disappointed, he realized that it was only the cold desert wind.

"Still, even the desert isn't as silent as Damycan…" it struck Edward and he took a step forward as if he wanted to follow the wind, afraid that its whistling would leave him like everything else. He took step after step, fearing that if he lingered, the black maw of the castle might suck him and the sound of the deserts with him in... As he finally stopped breathlessly and turned around, the castle was barely in sight any longer.

The nights in the desert were cool and Edward shivered. Still he knew that there was no turning back now if he wanted to hear at least the melody of the wind -- and the melody that was now playing softly in his head…

However, it was not a merry, bright song like the one from his dream, but an endless sad, dark, desperate one…

It was a tune that could possibly bring him and Anna together again…

xOx

The bar of the "Golden Turtle" Inn in Kaipo had been a crowded place – at least _before_ Golbez had entered it. Now only a few frightened looking customers were still sitting at their places. Often, Golbez didn't know what annoyed him more: the people who feared him or the people who hated him.

_"No, worst are the people who actually like me…"_

A barmaid approached him nervously and put a bottle and a glass on his table.

"I haven't ordered anything…" Golbez looked at her with a frown.

"Your companion, Sir Tristan told me to serve you some wine and to tell you that he has urgent business to accomplish and will join you later." The girl reeled off the message as quickly as she could in order to be able to also hurry away as quickly as she could.

"_Sir _Tristan?" Golbez looked after her slightly bewildered.

_"He probably told her that he was a Knight of Baron, too… All his mouth ever spits out are lies. Then again, lately you lie a lot, too…"_

Tristan's former words were bugging him. _"We're one of a kind…" _he had said… Was it true? Was all evil, whether low and harmless or powerful and destructive, the same?

_"Surely not…"_

One thing they might _have_ in common was that they weren't "normal" people and dragged attention to themselves wherever they were. Just now Golbez noticed that two little girls were watching him curiously from the frame of a door at the other end of the room. Suddenly, one of the children laughed and stuck her tongue out to him. Golbez was slightly taken aback by this--he was used to the disgust of the people, but for some reason the gesture of the little girl sent a sting through his soul. __

_"Fine, so let them have what they expect."_ Narrowing his eyes, he made a "head off gesture" towards the children, whose eyes first widened, then filled with tears. Startled by the sobbing, the mother of the children, the innkeeper's wife, pulled the two away from the door, giving Golbez's an angry look.

_"Here we go again…" _This time, though, Golbez did not feel happy about the attention he had drawn upon himself. After the unpleasant discussions with Tristan earlier he just wanted to be left alone.

_"I have definitely told the other too much…" _Wishing that he could make things undone, he filled his glass with wine and took a little sip. It tasted cheap and too sweet, but it washed away a bit of the awkwardness thathe felt. The second cup brought him to brood over the strangest things, the picture of the mother and the girls suddenly strongly before his eyes...

_"I wonder how it would be to live a normal life… To have a family… To fall in love…"_

He closed his eyes and shook his head. _"It makes no sense to think about the unthinkable…" _In fact there was no sense in all of this, no sense in his existence.

"_I should have never been awoken again... Klu Ya must know why…"_ The disgust he felt at his own being became so strong again, that he nearly felt the urge to throw up.

_"This wine is really bad…"_ Golbez thought as he poured himself another glass. _"Just like me..."_

xOx

Several glasses later, Golbez registered only barely that Tristan was approaching the table, a young woman at his side. "Hey Golbez, look what a fine guide I hired for the journey to Damycan!"

From seemingly nowhere, Golbez could make out a soft voice: "Nice to meet you. I'm--"

This voice… Something about the bright tones of it pulled Golbez out of the stupor of his deep brooding. It didn't pull him out of the drunken stupor though, and he had to blink several times to "rearrange" his sight.

_"Slender figure, white hair, blue eyes, calming aura—"_

"Dawn!" he exclaimed, sounding more emotional than he wanted. To Tristan and the woman it appeared just as an incomprehensible whisper before they came to witness how Golbez slumped forward onto the table and fell asleep…


	7. Chapter 6: Carmine passion

_Author's notes: Today's notes are… Just six words: Please do not forget to review. ;)_

****

**Chapter 6**

**Carmine passion**

_The dainty girl hung lifeless in her chains, exhausted from the struggle against her captivity, but also from the fight against her fear and despair. _

_"Such a waste of power..." Golbez mused. Why was it that humans always spent their energy on worrying and grieving only to end up powerless against every threat? Not that this weak girl here had any chance of escaping her restraints, but still Golbez wondered why she hadn't saved her strength better... Maybe she knew that she was going to die anyway, no matter if this little annoying Knight of Baron brought them the Crystal or not. She was only bait and thus would be swallowed once the fish had been caught or would be thrown away if the fish got away. _

_A disdainful smile showed on Golbez's face behind his heavy black helmet. Of course the woman believed that she would get saved. After all, humans tended to ignore the inevitable… _

_Golbez's newest servant Kain was no exception to that. Did he realize that not only the Knight from Baron but also the girl had to die? So far Kain had been loyal to him, but would he really be able to give everything up for the sake of the cause? To cast off all emotions? Even the ones he held for that woman? _

_Golbez took a step closer towards his captive, his heavy armoured boots echoing metallic and hollow in the cold white of the room, but even this bleak sound was not able to pull her out of her sleep._

_"So weak…"_

_What was it that Kain saw in her? Golbez was aware of the way the Dragoon was watching the girl, how his eyes burned with a raw fire between shame, anger and--what was it called? _

_"Lust."___

_Golbez took another step closer, bending a bit forward to study the captive's face in the manner of a scientist studying an inanimate object. It was inexplicable to the Dark Wizard how someone could hunger for the body of a living being. Even more, Kain also seemed to desire her acknowledgement of him…_

_"Is this what people call love?" _

_The hunger for power, for power which made it possible to reach one's goals--yes, that was a notion Golbez understood. But what benefit could be gained from loving another person? If it was love and not just bodily desire Kain felt for her... But to Golbez love and lust seemed to be the same anyway; it was a world he could not even begin to grasp. The girl was just a structure of flesh and blood like all living beings. What was it that made her that beautiful; tempting not only in Kain's eyes, but also in the ones of this Knight that he would risk his life for her? Was it that she was especially well-formed for a piece of flesh? Her long blonde hair? __The red of her lips?__ Golbez's brooding came to no real conclusion. It couldn't be the looks alone…_

_Feelings were the one concept the Dark Wizard's logic could not sufficiently explain. He wondered what it was that filled this particular space inside of others, whereas emptiness was reigning in his own soul. Only the use of his powers, the fighting, burning and destroying gave him the opportunity to feel alive at least for a moment, but the flickering flame of hate always went out much too soon, leaving behind in him icy darkness once more._

_"Why can't I keep the fire in me burning?"_

_There was always this flame burning in Kain's eyes…_

_"Desire…"_

_After a moment of hesitation he stretched out his hand towards the face of the unconscious woman before him. However, shortly before his fingers had reached her alabaster coloured skin, he stopped, wishing that she was conscious, so that he could study her reactions. _

_What did the touch of another mean to a human being? Would she be disgusted if he touched her? _

_An eyebrow raised behind the dark helmet. "Of course even a mere touch of me would invoke fear in her…"_

_No matter how much she tried to stay strong, to shut her fearful heart to the outside world, Golbez had seen the look of hurt and humiliation on her face as Kain had chained her to the wall, had seen the terror the lecherous glances of Milon were inflicting in her. One thing the girl couldn't ignore was that she was helpless as she couldn't ignore the cold steel around her wrists, couldn't ignore the heavy locked doors of her prison. _

_Golbez's eyes__ narrowed behind the heavy helmet as he noticed that realizing what power he had over her actually made him **feel **something; his blood seemed to flow faster and there it was--a tiny, red flicker burning in the icy desert of his heart like it did before a battle, a great battle: The human mind was harder to conquer than an army or a castle, with its high wall built out of self-preservation and self-determination. It fascinated Golbez to see how even this wall could crumble, leaving a broken creature, devoid of free will and wishes behind in the shattered bricks… Although it was a waste of power, he was curious if he could also do so with the girl and if it would be different from all the countless slaves he had made before. Could he feel then what Kain was feeling for her? _

_No, the Dragoon, who still seemed to have retained a tiny part of self-consciousness, was different…Or why else would he be guarding the girl against natures like Milon or Kainazzo when she was asleep or unconscious? Why was he protecting her if he could have her by force? _

_"I'm not stopping if there is anything I want to take. However," Golbez let his hand drop even before he had touched her, "a piece of flesh is not what I yearn for…" _

_Still, his head started to hurt from trying to grasp what it was others felt and he not…_

_"But I do not wish to have a flame burning in me like Kain has, do I? It is a flame consuming one's strength and control. And it is power I desire." _

_"And what will you do if you have reached the ultimate power? There will be nothing… Do you know how non-existence feels? You soon will. It is swallowing you from inside right now," a bright, though cold voice resounded in the hollow halls around him._

_Who was talking? Was it the girl who had awoken? Golbez's head hurt so much that even his vision had begun to blur._

_"Non-existence?"__ The pain got unbearab_ly_ strong as Golbez tried to grasp the meaning of these words. "No, there will always be souls to break, always new things to destroy so that I can fill the empty spaces within me!"_

_"No, the power you use is not your own. It is the chain that binds you to your master and when he decides to release you, you will plunge into the abyss of oblivion. There will be nothing…"_

_"Nothing…"_

_Amidst the hot waves of pain running through his mind, Golbez felt another dark force arising and an unspeakable panic gripped him as he realized that it seemed to suck away his thoughts, his strength._

_How could it be? Why was the power taken from him? Was he really no better than the slaves he had made? No better than the girl who at least **knew** that she was held captive?_

_"Stop!"__ Golbez cried against the now settling blackness around him, but the painful vortex inside his head would not stop, but seemed to spread all over his body, sucking away even his blood. "No! The power cannot leave me! It is not possible!" _

_"This is what you want to believe, like all the people you killed believed that you would spare them, even in there last moment… And now, you will cease to exist..." The voice was soft now, nearly lulling. _

_"No, don't take my power from me!" But it was too late and Golbez's scream died away with his consciousness as a black maelstrom engulfed him from inside… Then there was nothing._

xOx

Golbez awoke with a heavy throb within his head.

"Did I get hit again?" he murmured as he slowly sat up on the bed he had been lying on fully clothed.

"No. You drank a lot yesterday and the sight of our pretty guide was too much for you…" Tristan's voice sounded next to him with ear deafening cheerfulness. "It was scary, man. You babbled some pretty incoherent things!"

Golbez shook his head, trying to recall the happenings of last night. "I lost control again... This cannot go on any longer… I need to--"

There was a knock at the door. "Hello? Are you awake yet?"

_"White hair, blue eyes, calming voice…"_

Upon hearing the voice, Golbez jumped up and raced towards the door, opening it with a nearly brutal motion, all the while trying to push the hammering in his head aside.

"Daw--"

He stopped as he beheld the woman for he first time more clearly, his powers of observation drinking in every detail of her to prove his suspect--no, to prove his _wish_.

Blue eyes; but no sadness in them, only confusion in this moment… _"Does she not recognize me?"_

Her hair; silvery blond, nearly white, but only chin length… _"She could have cut it…"_

Her stature; though she was slim, she seemed to be built less ethereal than Dawn… _"But what is weight?"_

Her clothes; brown trousers, riding boots and a green vest over a white shirt… _"What are clothes? It is her."_

And her face… how had her face looked? The woman looked like what he had as a memory of _her_, but... _"Damn, why can't I remember? It's only been some months…"_ It couldn't be so difficult to recognize someone you had traveled with, was it? If just his head wouldn't hurt…__

"Is everything all right?" She now spoke. "You look like you have seen a ghost!" A quiet laugh, calm, but not as bright as _her_ laugh had been. No, it definitely sounded differently… Then again-

"Are you manipulating me, Dawn?" the words shot out of his mouth, sounding angry, though he didn't know why.

"Excuse me?" The woman took a step back, bewilderment and surprise on her face.

"Now that's enough--he has had a bit too much wine yesterday!" Tristan rushed to the door and added, smiling, "Besides… Remember what I told you? You can be assured that he's not always that way, Leah."

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Leah?"

The girl hesitated a moment before she spoke. "Yes, that's my name: Leah Coven. You seem to mistake me for someone else…"

Then she smiled. _Her _smile... Or wasn't it? Something was different… He wished that he hadn't drunk so much last night, so that his perception might be clearer.

"I have to excuse my former words. I have indeed mistaken you for someone else," Golbez murmured, suddenly nearly afraid that she might leave in view of his strange behaviour.

He made way so that the young woman could enter the room. While she patiently began to explain the route they were taking, he didn't listen, but studied her, trying to prevent his stares from being too obvious. Leah's resemblance to Dawn was astonishing, but many facets of her weren't like the ones of the woman he had once known: Leah's laugh was more tomboyish and wild, her movement fluid, but not as graceful as Dawn's had been… Still, her eyes were of the same sea blue…

_"And how could I ever forget her eyes?" _Eyes which so often had penetrated him with their stare; eyes with an endless blue one could easily get lost in… However, every time Golbez caught Leah's gaze, she was looking at him calmly and friendly, but also uninterested, shifting her attention to Tristan again after a while.

Golbez felt exhaustion coming up in him; were it the after effects of the wine? No… it was the drowning feel of disappointment. The disappointment that _of course_ she couldn't be Dawn… It seemed that not only his dignity but also his logic were leaving him lately. _"No one could survive a fall like the one back then and even more unlikely in the hurt stage Dawn had been in…" _

Leah had ended her explanations by now.

"Okay, so we need to go through the Water-Way to reach Damcyan, right?" Tristan, cheerful as usual, took his cloak. "Lets not waste any time--I still have some preparations to take care of, but when you two are ready, too, you can meet me downstairs!" He exited the room, leaving Leah with the still musing wizard alone.

"Sir?" The young woman addressed him. "You are Master Golbez, right? Tristan told me a bit about you, also that it is unwise to address you by your name in public, although many people will identify you no matter what." It was a statement, neither hostile, nor friendly.

Just then, Golbez left his brooding world and returned to the world of sounds and words, "welcoming" it with a chuckle.

"Ah… It is new to me that my travel companion has ever paid attention to such things. The only thing I would prefer is if you would just call me Golbez. I'm no more Master of anyone… But surely you do know this and even a lot more about my person than what Tristan has told you. I presume someone working as a guide gets around much and hears a lot…" he said mockingly. The girl didn't seem to be frightened of him, which was a strange sign indeed…

_"I hope she is not like Tristan, ignorant to everything…"_ Golbez wasn't sure if he could endure two of the swindler's sort…

Leah hesitated for a moment before answering, looking at the floor a bit sheepishly.

"Well… I...haven't heard that many stories… I don't leave Kaipo very often nor does much news reach the town, so I'm a bit… naïve when it comes to things concerning," She cleared her throat, "…the outside world."

_"Well, what an interesting guide who doesn't get out of town often…"_

"Was it naivety, too, which brought you to the decision of traveling with a man who has not the best--how shall I say it?--_reputation_?And I'm not talking about Tristan, although he isn't the most trustful of fellows, either…" Golbez provoked her, cursing himself for his maliciousness; what if it really was Dawn and she was just playing with him? To his disdain he noticed that his mind was still desperately searching for any proof that Leah was the woman everyone presumed dead…

"There's no need to mock me," Leah retorted with a surprising self-confidence. "I know that people say that you are evil and dangerous. But your brother is the King of Baron and a Holy Paladin and I believe he wouldn't let you "out" if you'd still _be _evil. Most people will acknowledge what he has done for the whole of the Blue Planet, but don't even trust his judgment of his brother. I'm not one of these people…" she explained. Golbez didn't pay much attention to her words; the only thing he had been interested in was to watch her while she had been talking about him and Cecil, trying to spot an unusual change of expression, a smile, a flashing of the eyes, but there had been nothing…

_"Could she have forgotten even Cecil?"_ Or was she only testing him. It was something Dawn would have done... There--why had she smiled at him just now?

_"Has she read my thoughts?" _

"Well, Leah, I'm sure that the voyage will be an interesting one…" he murmured, still watching her.

Leah laughed. "Oh, I do not hope so… I'm not much for fighting. But we should get going before the sun stands too high. I'll be waiting for you downstairs." She turned around to get her own bearings for her room, leaving behind a bewildered Golbez.

_"I'm not much for fighting…" _Could Dawn really be playing her role that well? The pain in Golbez's head was slowly lessening and thus enabled him to think more clearly, again.

_"Get a grip on yourself… Don't start to ignore reality like weak humans do… You just want for Leah to be Dawn and your mind's playing tricks on you…" _

Still, he wondered if Cecil would know better, if just he could see Leah, but that would mean going back and---

He shook his head. _"No, it wouldn't be a good idea if Cecil saw her…"_

As he realized what he had just thought, it hit him like a shock and his expression darkened with self-disgust. _"I cannot let such things rule me… Not against my brother…"_

"Golbez, are you coming or not?" Tristan called from the door. "We are waiting."

Wordlessly,Golbez left the room, nearly welcoming that Tristan started as usual to ramble on. It seemed to be the punishment he deserved for the feeling that had reigned in his soul when thinking about Cecil and Dawn, a feeling for which he knew that he deserved to rot for, for all eternity:

Jealousy.

xOx

As Tristan and Golbez came down the stairs, they spotted Leah talking with a tall, haggard man--the mayor of Kaipo, as Tristan knew. "Leah is living in his house, though she doesn't seem to be his daughter." He whispered in Golbez's direction. "Maybe she is his lover," he uttered a little laugh.

"Keep your fantasies to yourself. I want to hear what they are talking about…" Golbez hissed. In fact, the mayor and Leah hadn't noticed them, yet.

"So he called you Dawn?" the mayor said frowning. "But why should someone like him know you?"

"I don't know. He isn't familiar to me. Still--" Leah trailed off, worry on her face.

"Leah, we've talked about it often enough. You know also what Sir Tristan told us about the wizard… Please do me the favour and trust your own judgment. And you know that, as nice as it was having you with us, you cannot stay forever here in the village." The mayor tried to act as friendly as possible, though Golbez couldn't help the feeling that all his politeness was just played...

"I understand and I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for me, mayor," Leah smiled bravely. She suddenly spotted the two men coming down the stairs.

"Ah, the Sir Tristan and the Master Golbez. Thank you for taking Leah with you!"

The major's effusive friendly welcome made Golbez even more skeptical.

"_Taking her with us_? I thought that Miss Coven is a guide and as such is supposed to take others with _her_…" he frowned.

"I just wanted to say that Leah has not much experience in guiding people, yet," the mayor explained maybe a bit too quickly.

"That's right, but I promise you that I will not disappoint." Leah was sounding rather self-confident.

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "We will see about this. Let us go then so that you can prove your skills to us…" He was sure that he would find out soon enough why the mayor was so interested in sending away the girl…

While Leah said goodbye to the mayor, Golbez used the moment to take Tristan aside.

"Leah and also the mayor mentioned that you told them things about me. What _exactly _have you told them, if I may ask?" he snarled.

Tristan tried to act as unconcerned as possible. "Oh... That... Well, I told them just the usual: that you may act frightening, but that you are a really good guy inside and that they can trust you and so on and so on... The usual waffle, you see…" He smiled broadly.

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Why is it that I don't believe you?"

"Because I'm unbelievable?" Tristan flashed a charming grin. "Oh, and by the way, the girl is mine!" He turned to go outside.

"Excuse me?" Golbez stared after the other, his expression unusual for the black-haired wizard: One of utter horror…

xOx

During the voyage towards the underground Water-Way-caves of Kaipo, Golbez was for once glad about his travel companion Tristan. Since the Black Wizard was neither skilled nor interested in social skills like small talk, the flaxen haired swindler was the only possibility to get something out of Leah, who Golbez was interested in. However, even Tristan, who usually was so quick with words, could elicit out of his pretty travel companion nothing more than some shallow facts about Kaipo and the dangers in the desert.

Finally, Golbez decided to confront her. "There's one thing that interests me. The mayor said that you don't seem to have much experience as a guide. Even more so he seemed to be quite enthusiastic about your going with us... He isn't hoping by any chance that we might loose our way so that the Blue Planet has one problem--which happens to be me-- less?" he chuckled. For some reason, he was not willing to make an exception in terms of cynicism even in front of this young woman. But then again, for who had he ever made an exception?

_"Only for her… I wonder why…"_

Leah reacted surprisingly calm on his teasing. "Don't worry. I have no interest in loosing our way in the desert or even dying there with you. I can lead you to Damcyan all right. Nothing a good map couldn't do."

"A map?" Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to tell me that you have never traveled this route before?"

Leah was walking a bit faster now, as if wanting to escape his gaze. "Well, I told you that I don't much get out of town, right? I know the fastest way through the desert towards the caves, but I have never been any farther than that as far as I can remember…" She bit her lip, as if having said something wrong and fell silent.

_"Something is defiantly strange about this woman…" _Golbez sped up his pace to keep up with her. "What do you mean _as far as you can remember_?"__

"Hey, can't you just let Leah concentrate on the way instead of dismantling every word of hers?" Tristan rushed after him.

Leah sighed and turned her head sideways to give her two travel companions a weary smile. "No need to keep it a secret, Tristan. He would have noticed it sooner or later anyway. My kind of ignorance is difficult to hide..."

"Ignorance of what?" Golbez heart was beating faster all of a sudden.

Leah's smile disappeared, as she was ringing with words. Well…_ "As far as I remember"_ doesn't have much to say in my case, as… as my memory goes back just some months…"

Golbez inertly froze--this was a turn of events he hadn't been prepared for.

"Damn, become clearer, girl! I'm sick of these indications!" he demanded, not able to keep calm any longer. The woman before him was confusing him just too much with her behaviour.

Tristan stopped and winced. "There's no need to act impolite in front of her, Golbez," The flaxen haired man turned towards Leah, who had stopped abruptly, too, visibly roused all of a sudden. "Leah, you know what I told you yesterday, so please don't react. Let's just--"

"No!" Golbez and Leah uttered at the same time and also started to talk at the same time.

"Let me explain something--"

"I want to know why--"

"That's enough!" Leah held her hands up and raised her voice, which she tried to keep as calm as possible, though. "Let me speak first before you get any wrong ideas… Fact is that I'm no guide and that I'm not really from Kaipo."

"So much I had figured out already…" Golbez mumbled under his breath, trying to keep his emotions at bay, too.

"The thing with me is…" Leah took a deep breath before she began to speak in a tired sounding voice, as if she had uttered the words too many times before. "I don't really know where I am from… About four months ago I woke up in the mayor's house in Kaipo and was told that they had found me unconscious and half frozen at the village entrance the night before. However, I have no idea how I got there, nor what I did before. The doctor presumes that it's some kind of amnesia, although he cannot explain the reason for it. He even presumed that I could be under a spell, but there's no one mighty enough to cast a spell which lets a person forget everything, is there?" She looked at Golbez curiously, but the wizard didn't answer, not daring to speak about the impossible possibility that had come into his mind… To his surprise, Leah did.

"The one thing I could remember, though, was a name. And that is my name, Leah. I made only the Coven thing up. So, I can assure you that I am not the woman called Dawn, who you are searching for …"

Golebez's jaw dropped down in surprise. "How do you know that--?"

"Tristan told me everything about you and her." She smiled friendly.

"He-who-had-told-her-everything-Tristan" had taken a step back even before Golbez's angry gaze could hit him… He relaxed, as the black haired wizard quickly focused his attention on Leah, again.

"But you look so much like her…"

Leah regarded him earnestly. "Are you really sure about that? Do I not only look like her, but smile like her, act like her? Is our voice the same? Maybe the wish to see her again is manipulating your perception… And they also say that memory can betray you… Or leave you completely in some cases…" She gave a bitter laugh.

In this moment, Golbez had to admit, she didn't in fact look much like Dawn, but just like someone with only the same hair and eye colour as the woman who had once traveled with him.

"Please don't look at me so… disappointed…" Leah sighed. "When I saw how you reacted with me this morning I was short of refusing Tristan's offer to travel with you… It is quite scary if someone you do not know maintains that _he _knows you and also questions your name, which is the only thing you know for sure about yourself. And even if I really look like this Dawn, I couldn't be her, since she died… And I feel pretty much alive and not like a ghost from the past… "

Golbez's expression darkened; of course she was right and he felt even more rage rising within him, rage because he was behaving like an idiot and making presumptions against all logic, but also a strange rage because Leah couldn't be _her_…

"So why do you want to travel this us? You are no real guide; you pretend that you don't know any of us…" Golbez was unable to keep bitterness out of his voice.

Leah's was getting impatient now. "Is this so difficult to understand? I need to find somebody who I know or who _really _knows me, to find a town I know I have visited, anything which can help me to find out where came from! And you two were the only travelers Kaipo has seen for a long time and as such my soonest chance to get out to see some other places... I can't do it alone, since I wouldn't even be able to fight my way through the Water-Ways! So I asked the mayor to suggest me when Tristan asked for a guide…" Her expression softened and she gave Golbez a nearly apologizing smile before she continued quickly. "But I assure you that I won't be a burden to you. Just because I have no personal memories doesn't mean that I have forgotten everything. For some reason I still possess a general knowledge about the Blue Planet like everyone has and this includes the names and the rough location of places. I just can't tell you if I have visited these places or not… And the little I knew about you and your brother is because you are… quite famous..."

"Then you surely know from what my fame derives and believe me, even the most horrible accounts are true!" Golbez was still feeling roused and he nearly wished that this girl would return to Kaipo. "You honestly want to tell me that you want to do some "get-to know yourself trip" with _me _of all people?"

"Well, if you're really so dangerous, then the mayor of Kaipo will be happy to have less problems by sending me with you! Even though he acted friendly all the time, I know that he wanted to get rid of me, just like you do now. But I have gotten used to the fact that I belong nowhere and that no one really feels responsible for me," she hissed coldly and then stomped away through the sand. "Do we have to stand here all day? It's hot!"

Tristan ran after her, trying to act as sympathetic as he could. "This must all be very hard for you, Leah…"

"Yes, indeed… Especially making up such a story…" Golbez murmured and followed the two, catching Leah by her arm and whirling her around roughly. "You act much too cool and secure for a woman who doesn't know who she is! What kind of game are you playing with us?"

Leah was now visibly angry and her nostrils flared with suppressed rage before the words came rushing out of her mouth like a waterfall: "Too cool? So how _should _I react? Should I be running around the streets, crying: _"I don't know who I am, someone help me?"_ Should I brood all day? If I whine or not it won't change anything, it will not bring my memories back! People always call me a poor dear and treat me like I have no life…" She shook her head. "But this is not true! As long as you are not dead, life _goes on_, mercilessly… And although I cannot remember my past, I still have my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own wishes, whether they are old or new. And one wish is that I at least want to _know_ where I come from! So, I have no choice but to pull this trip here through!"

She wrung herself out of Golbez's grip with a surprising strength. "And on another note, I presume that you can probably burn me to a crisp with a single spell, but never touch me like that again," she stated, suddenly very calm again and quickly walked away.

"Hey, hey! I didn't know Leah had such a temperament! Golbez, I have to admit that you posses a certain skill of bringing out the true core of people!" In Tristan's eyes the whole situation was nothing less than interesting and very amusing. He was short of about giving Golbez a slap on the shoulder, then decided otherwise as he beheld the black haired man's expression and instead preferred to follow their guide.

Golbez was unmoving, staring after the two, bitterness pouring out of his features. _"Life goes on…"_ Leah had said. He needed to accept this, too, and accept that Dawn would not be coming back. Leah might resemble her, and it was tempting to bring her loss of memory into connection with Dawn, but all these were coincidences, coincidences that were more harmful than pleasing as they made him loose more and more control over his thoughts--and actions… He looked down at the hand with which he had brutally grabbed Leah's arm; he recalled her warning not to touch her like that again and shame filled him.

_"But what can you expect from someone such as me… I'm still a danger to everyone and unpredictable even to myself._ " It was true that he wanted to provoke people, frighten them so that they would stay away from him, but really _hurting_ someone needlessly was something he hadn't done for a long time now… Could it be that--

_"Is it coming back? Is the burning hunger coming back?" _Golbez shuddered upon the thought and even more upon the prospect of having to travel in such a state with a notorious lying Tristan and a difficult young woman with no memory, but a lot of views.

But then again if he wanted to reach Mysidia or return to the moon he was in the same position as Leah: he had to pull this journey through. He followed the others with a certain distance…


	8. Chapter 7: Green stream

**Chapter 7**

**Green stream**

If there was one thing Golbez could grant Leah, it was that she indeed _knew_ the fastest way to cross the desert between Kaipo and the Water-Way and thus enabled the group to reach the entrance of the caves even before the merciless desert sun had reached its highest point.

However, despite the prospect of escaping the burning heat at least for a while, none of the travel companions were particularly eager to enter the torch-lit maw opening before them… Even Golbez, who never cared much for his surroundings, raised an eyebrow as they entered the tunnel, which gave them a foretaste of the whole cave system and could be easily described with two words:

Green and slimy.

The damp walls were coated with green slimy plants, the floor was coated with green slimy moss and the streams of water running through the cave system were filled with green slimy algae. The sultry and humid air and the musty smell lying in it did not exactly made the Water-Way any more pleasant… In contrast to the "normal" landscape, which was pretty much safe by now, the caves of the Blue Planet were still a breeding ground for several kinds of monsters and this cave was no exception.

However, most of the creatures seemed to fear the group more than the group feared them. Upon entering the first main hall of the Water-Way, a group of knee high lizards went hissing into attack stance, but as Golbez approached them fearlessly, they changed their mind and scuttled quickly off into the water.

"Did you see that!? But you're probably used to every living being running away upon seeing you, right, Golbez?" Tristan jested, but considered following the lizards into safety as the black clad wizard shot him a totally humourless warning glance.

"Sorry… That was a bad joke…" For some reason Leah took it upon herself to apologize in Tristan's stead, though she couldn't keep her face straight and winked towards the flaxen haired swindler.

Golbez wrung his face up in a sour smile, wondering why he couldn't come up with a good, ironic answer as he usually did. It seemed as if Tristan's unbelievable disrespect and Leah's carefree attitude were confusing him to no end. Despite the harsh words they had exchanged before, Leah's former anger had disappeared as fast at it had come and she was back to her usual calm and friendly, nearly cheerful, self. Golbez wondered why. Was she really such a strong person or was she only pretending to feel well? Maybe it was only desperation that was keeping her going…

While Golbez eyed Leah with a mixture of amused acknowledgment for her unwavering inner-strength, but also a great deal of bewilderment and incomprehension, Tristan and Leah on the other hand seemed to get along very well. Golbez wondered if the woman had already fallen for Tristan's compliments and jokes, though he couldn't quite believe this. Surely a woman like her wasn't interested in doubling her problems by getting involved with a lady-killer of the cheapest sort…

_"Lady-killer?"_Golbez frowned upon trying to recall since when he was using vocabulary he normally only heard from the likes of Edge, Palom and Cecil's mother-in-law…

xOx

At the Northern Water Pass they finally decided to rest for the remainder of the day. Leah informed them that the exit to Damcyan was not far away and that the mayor had even taught her a way around the big waterfall.

"This is great news, my dear Miss Coven! My clothes are already wet enough with the high humidity here and I'm worried for your health, as well. I'm going to find something to make a fire with…" Tristan exclaimed and disappeared fearlessly into another tunnel.

"Is he always that helpful?" Leah slumped down on a patch of ground that looked dry and looked expectantly up to Golbez.

"He is probably trying to impress you. Normally he is only moving for money." Golbez sat down on a stony ledge in the wall and while crossing his arms, fell silent once more.

"You don't like to talk much, do you?" Leah's big blue eyes were watching him curiously.

"Well, there is not much to talk about, is there?" Golbez raised an eyebrow. "You know who I am, you have heard the stories about what I did and except for the resemblance you have with a woman I once knew, there's nothing I'd have to say to you. And we talked about Dawn enough, I think." Golbez's words were not intended to sound hostile, but Leah seemed to have heard reproach in them.

"Maybe I sounded a bit hard before when I talked about this Dawn…" Nearly sheepishly, she started to draw figures into the muddy ground with a finger. "I'm sorry that you lost your love…" She realized the words that had slipped out of her mouth and she added quickly, "Tristan told me so."

"Did he…" Mentally, Golbez made a note to have a few serious words with his "omniscient" travel companion. "Well, then now _I_ will tell you that there was no love involved." He tried to sound emotionless, but didn't succeed completely. "You just resemble her very much, so I thought of her. That's all… Or do I look like someone who has fallen in love?" He wasn't sure what had brought him to pose such a question…

Leah leaned back on her elbows and studied him calmly. "No… You... you seem like a very cold person," she stated and smiled apologizing. "I'm sorry, I don't want to annoy you as I'd like to come out of here alive…" __

Ah--such carefulness. It was this that Golbez was used to hearing or seeing, but for some reason this time, the words and her fear hurt… Maybe the way he had treated Leah earlier had frightened her more than she showed.

"You don't have to apologize for your words. I asked a question and you answered it. Although it is always good to be cautious in my company, I normally do not hurt people needlessly any more. What I mean is…" To Golbez's surprise the words left him.

"I know what you mean, but don't worry too much about that incident." Leah helped him out. "I was angry then, but I know that you are sorry despite your coldness. I guess it can't be helped that you sometimes do things you don't want to. It's… how do you call it? The heritage of your past. I wish I had such a thing, too… A past, I mean." She stood up all of a sudden and turned to go. "I'm going to look for Tristan. He's been away too long for my taste. He has the gift of gab, but this won't help him if gets into trouble here, I think. Unless alligators can talk."

Golbez's bitter smile followed her. _"It's the heritage of your past that lets you do the things you do."_ If it was just that simple… But to Leah most things seemed to be that easy. Life had been that way for Dawn as well, though in the end it had turned out that she had only pretended all the easiness... Was Leah the same? The girl was a mystery to him; one second he was sure that she didn't haveanything to do with Dawn, then, in the next…

_"Why can't I let go? And even if she was alive, it wouldn't make any difference because… because there never was anything between us besides fighting alongside... And like Leah said, I'm too cold to fall in love_."

Before he could sink into the deep pit of guilt and self-contempt once more, loud metallic noises and Leah's cry caught his attention:

"Golbez, someone could use your help here!"

_"Someone?__ As if our group didn't consist of enough destitute people already…"_ With a sigh and without any haste Golbez rose to his feet and followed the way Leah had taken just some minutes ago.

The tunnel lead into another damp cave, which was much too small for the fight that had ensued in it, mainly because the rats Leah and Tristan were trying to fight off were rather big for their species…

_"Poison rats…" _And the most aggressive ones Golbez had ever seen at that.

"Be careful. A bite from these animals is dangerous," he noted while watching with amusement how Tristan was trying to stab one of the overgrown rodents with a knife.

"Thanks for this highly helpful information! How about some action as well?" Tristan was grinning despite the fight.

"Yes, that would be nice! I just remembered something. I hate rats!" Leah shouted and picked up a rather big stone from the floor, throwing it at one of the animals with an expression of anger and determination Golbez had not seen in her eyes before…

_"The expression of a person used to fighting… Used to fighting for one's life…"_

The stone hit the rodent on the head with astonishing force, killing it instantly. Just then Golbez finally was able to tear his gaze away from Leah and let a rain of fire and lighting spells pour down on the rats, until most of them were either dead or had flown in shrieking terror.

"Thanks, Golbez. For a moment I thought you would just watch." Tristan was breathing fast. "Although Leah killed one of those things…" Both he and Golbez looked at the silver haired woman.

Leah blushed. "It must have been the shock… Besides, I couldn't leave a person in need." She pointed towards the corner of the cave. For the first time Golbez became aware that someone was lying there, a person with blonde hair, face turned towards the wall, moaning now and then in pain.

"Seems like somebody got bitten…" Golbez approached the figure and seized it at the shoulder to turn it around--just a moment later he wished that he had not done so, as the feverish features of the slender man before him belonged to someone he knew very well.

"Edward…" he murmured, stunned.

The bard gave him a misty look and opened his mouth to say something, but fell unconscious again before he could utter one sound.

"Is this a friend of yours?" Tristan asked while Golbez shouldered the lifeless person rather roughly, and ordered Leah to pick up Edward's belongings which consisted of a lyre and a short sword.

"It's a friend of my brother's you should know as well. It's the King of Damcyan, Edward von Muir."

Tristan's eyes seemed to become little coins. "Right. I thought I knew him from somewhere. Is he hurt badly? I hope we can do something for him. Royalty is always very generous when it comes to--" He caught Leah's reproachful gaze and shrugged. "Hey, I'm only saying we have to help him!"

While Leah ran ahead to build a fire with the little wood and dry grass Tristan had found before the rat attack, the flaxen haired swindler started to circle around Golbez excitedly, eyes glued to the royal load on the other's shoulders like a squirrel spotting a giant nut in the treetop.

"He's suffering from the poison of the rats that bit him, but a healthy person can easily survive a bite of these if they get enough rest, I believe," Golbez explained while carrying Edward to their camp. However, the young King was known not to have the most robust health and the black haired wizard secretly doubted that a good night's sleep would be enough to help Edward…

_"What shall I do? If something would happen to him, Cecil would be heartbroken…"_ he mused as he put the shallow breathing figure down near the fire.

Tristan was still occupied with the financial aspects of Edward's "rescue". "Hey, why didn't you say that you are a friend of the King of Damcyan!? This means that we will have no problems getting the hovercraft when he wakes up! And maybe also some travel money and--"

"I said that he was a friend of my brother," Golbez interrupted him coldly. "I'm sure that Edward would hardly call me a friend, as I'm the one who is responsible for the death of his parents and his beloved fiancée."

This statement silenced Tristan and even Leah seemed to show signs of nervousness as she watched how the dark wizard was trying to force some water in-between Edward's dry lips. With the first drops, his eyes opened weakly.

"Golbez…" The bard's voice was barely audible. "Why did you save me?"

_"Because you needed help…"_

"Because Cecil wouldn't be too happy to hear about your death, I presume," Golbez said.

A bitter smile showed on Edward's cracked lips. "This… is just the answer I had expected from someone… like you."

Golbez raised an eyebrow. Edward's delirious state must have awakened the courage of the young man. "No matter what you did expect or not, would you rather have died?"

Edward wanted to retort something, but never came farther than a weak moan before a new poisonous wave running through his body made him fall unconscious once more.

"Golbez, would you please stop upsetting him! He's sick! Just leave him alone!" Leah begged him quietly.

"Yes, and he's royalty!" Tristan agreed and raised a reprimanding finger. "And royalty needs to get treated with respect. Better let _us_ take care of him."

"As if you would ever treat someone with respect..." Golbez murmured. He uttered a disdainful snort, but moved away from Edward, giving his two travel companions room to check on the sleeping man.

"His fever is much too high," Golbez informed the others and he felt rage rising within; he had conquered Kingdoms, had conquered the minds of people, but had not even a clue how to overcome a simple raise in body temperature.

"I'm not sure if he will survive." Despite his anger, the words came emotionless.

"Then why don't you do something?" Tristan wondered. "Who's the mighty wizard here?"

Golbez's bitter laughter echoed through the cave. "My dear _Sir_ Tristan, asyour skills are exclusively reserved for lying, deceiving and swindling, mine are reserved for killing, murdering and destroying."

The young man just shrugged, showing no sign of hurt. "Whatever. If you see yourself in such a way, have fun with it."

"Fun? You're not realizing in what a situation we are right now!" Golbez hissed. "We're sitting here in a rat infested cave with a dying King, guided by a woman who doesn't even know her last name, and accompanied by a thief who's only after money and who would probably kill his companions for two gold--"

He stopped, as he saw Tristan's expression change; for the first time he seemed to have triggered something in the other. Wordlessly, the normally eloquent young man turned around on the heels of his boots and walked away from the group.

"Tristan! Don't go too far away!" Leah called after him, then looked up at Golbez calmly, although her voice was filled with annoyance, "I wonder, as normally you are so self-analytical, why you didn't include yourself into the list of horrible things you just enumerated. From all of us here you certainly have the most faults--and problems."

Golbez just raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't finished talking, was I?"

Leah sighed and shook her head. "Please leave your cynical comments to yourself for a moment. "We need to find a way to help your friend here."

Golbez wanted to protest hearing the word "friend" once more, but decided to keep silent as Leah began to look around the room.

"What's this?" She uttered, jumped to her feet, and made her way to the shore of the green river flowing through the cave. "Isn't this an ingredient of the antidotes they make?" She plucked out some unobtrusive piece of grass.

"How do you know? Only a healer could know this…"

_"Dawn had known the art of healing very well…"_ There it was again, this nagging doubt that was not leaving him even after having traveled with the girl for some time now...

"I'm not sure..." Leah frowned. "It could be dangerous to give it to him… Maybe it works only together with other ingredients or it's poisonous and--"

"We have no choice," Golbez decided. In fact he was wishing that Edward would wake up again, if only to hear the King's opinion about Leah. _"He has seen Dawn as well on an occasion or two..."_

"If you say so…" With slightly trembling hands, Leah ground the grass with a stone and made a sod with some water over the fire.

"No we've got to get him awake…" She looked at Golbez expectantly.

Reluctantly, Golbez knelt next to the unconscious Edward and started to shake him roughly.

"Can't you please try to be a bit more sensible?! You'll shake away his brain if you continue like this!" Leah reprimanded him, and was about to get a hold of Golbez's arm, when the eyes of their "patient" opened in her direction.

"Anna?" Edward murmured weakly.

Leah gave a questioning look towards Golbez. "His fiancée…" he explained.

The young woman nodded and smiled. "Yes, it's me, Anna. Drink this…"

With much difficulty, they managed to get Edward to sip some of the liquid.

"Anna, don't leave me…" The young King croaked before he fell into deep slumber once more.

"It seems like I'm a different person for everyone… For you Dawn, for him Anna…" A tired sigh escaped Leah's lips.

"He's only delirious…" Golbez's voice, too, sounded weary; no matter if Edward survived or not, it meant a delay in his plans to reach Mysidia as soon as possible. He stood up and glanced down once more atthe King of Damcyan. In Golbez's eyes, the young man with the golden curls looked even more vulnerable and pitiful in his feverish sleep than he usually did. "And even when he's awake he's constantly seeing this dead girl of his somewhere." He chuckled disparagingly and turned to go to another section of the cave to get some rest.

Leah's calm voice held him back. "But aren't you doing the same? The Dawn you constantly see in me is dead, too, right?" She did not look at him while speaking.

Golbez's eyebrow raised. The girl was beginning to be as tortuous in her arguments as Cecil. Still, it was proof of her naiveté that she saw any similarity between him and Edward…

"All I was trying to tell you was that we need to hear the King out when he's awake and when the fever has subsided. He did know Dawn, too, and I wonder what he will have to say about you." With satisfaction, Golbez noticed that his words had brought a new look on Leah's face...

For the first time during their travels, she looked afraid.


	9. Chapter 8: Silver fire

**Chapter 8**

**Silver fire**

_"Master Golbez, castle Damcyan is in sight now," the young officer stated, shouting against the loud roar of the airship. Although the boy's voice was disciplined and strong, he was eying his black armoured master nervously. _

_Golbez stared impassively down at the man through the little slits of his helmet. He had been sensing the unrest of the soldier for a long time now._

_/I need to strengthen the mind control on him at the next opportunity…/_

_"Sir, should we land and prepare to storm the gates?" the officer asked; he was used to the fact that his master spoke only when utmost necessary._

_"No..." Golbez closed his eyes, making the blackness in and around him complete. "We're not landing; open fire until the castle lies in shambles."_

_"But this will cost many innocent lives..." Now there was a tone of protest in the young man's voice._

_Golbez raised an eyebrow, unbeknownst to the soldier, who had never seen his master without the frightening helmet._

_/He is arguing? It seems that strengthening the hypnosis might not be sufficient. I will send him with the frontlines in the next attack and shall ensure that he will not make it back./_

_There was no emotion in this thought, just blank reason; nothing and no one was allowed to interfere with the plan._

_"Officer, are you questioning my orders?" Golbez's voice sounded hard and hollow. "This is a good opportunity to demonstrate our might and the possibility to attack them by surprise. If we give them any time to prepare for our troops, they might be able to bring the crystal to safety and it will be difficult to follow them if they send out their chocobo runners."_

_Such an easy plan, so logical.__ Just destroy, clean things, take what you want. It was all possible with the power he held._

_"As you wish, then…" the officer sounded strained, but still, only moments later, Golbez beheld how flashes bathed the sky above him in bloody red and how bombs turned the castle below him into an ocean of flames. _

_"Beautiful… So warm…" Golbez inhaled deeply the gunpowder-filled air. It was a scent that was so refreshing, making him aware of his surroundings when otherwise, in endless hours in the tower of Zot, he felt like an empty shell sucking in every emotion. _

_But now he could feel, perceive with every one of his senses and he knew that he would feel even more alive when wandering through the destroyed castle to get the crystal: _

_Now, his ears were only filled with the sound of thunderous explosions, but soon the desperate screams of people and sounds of torment would mingle with it and create a beautiful symphony of despair… _

_Now, he could only see the bright flames consuming the castle, but soon he would behold an even greater fire--it was the flame of life still burning in some of the attack's survivors. It would be a pleasure to extinguish this flame of hope and to see how the fire was going out in their dying eyes…_

_Now, he could only watch, but soon, standing in the shattered halls of Damcyan, he would reach for the crystal... His fingers stretched expectantly in their armoured gloves, anticipating the touch of smooth polished jewel…_

_And the smell…__ Soon he would be able to inhale the smell of destruction and the sweet smell of burned flesh…The smell of death… _

_Suddenly, the helmet seemed to tighten around his head, deafening his hearing, the slit of the visor closing. He tried to fight against it, this nothingness, this darkness, but it was to no avail. _

_The sharp iron smell of the armour mixed with the musty smell of decay and he had trouble breathing. Nausea overcame him and he tried to cry out, but the helmet muffled his cries--he could dimly make out someone calling for him and he tried to remove the helmet, but strangely he no longer knew where his hands were…_

_/Can't breathe…can't see… can't feel…/_

_"Sir, are you alright?" Suddenly, the helmet was lifted from his head and the blurred vision of a silver haired woman came into view. _

_/So familiar… this feeling…/ _

_The screeching sound of metal cutting through his armour filled his ears before a sharp sting went through his chest and burning pain spread through his whole being. _

_/The smell… of blood…/ _

_Of his blood._

_Another wave of pain filled him, as the sword was removed from his chest._

_She was looking down on him, looking on this weak body of his, which had betrayed him despite the power he wielded and was now convulsing with the spasms of death. Her voice was hard and hollow like his as she spoke:_

_"You disgust me, Golbez." _

"Golbez? Golbez?"

"What?" Golbez's dark blue eyes flashed open.

"Are you alright? I've been shaking you for quite some time now to get you awake…" Leah was looking down at him, frowning slightly. "You were mumbling strange things in your sleep and thrashed around… Did you dream of your…. past?" She uttered the last word nearly reverentially.

"Is this what is expected of me?" Golbez smiled slightly and got to his feet.

"Well, the major of Kaipo was always preaching about how dreams of bad deeds will haunt you…" Leah shrugged, then lowered her gaze. "I wish my ones would… Then I could maybe remember…"

"Believe me, you wouldn't want to dream what I dream…" Golbez pressed his slender fingers to his temples as if he wanted to squeeze the recent images out of his mind. Lately, he dreamt about his past deeds nearly every night, though every time the end of the dream was strangely twisted and ended with his death… Also, the clarity in which the nightmares let him experience his past disturbed him; it was nearly like someone was looking into his mind, pulling forth every memory from under a thick layer of repression and oblivion. Suddenly, Leah's gaze seemed to weigh upon him…

"I think King Edward is about to awake now…" she said. "Let's see if he feels better."

Edward's fever had subsided indeed, which stirred up new suspicions in Golbez. Although Leah presumed that she probably had seen the grass lying on the table of the village's doctor, Golbez just couldn't believe this. Still, he kept the doubts to himself, even more so as Tristan had reappeared again, asking Leah about the state of their "famous" patient. Golbez, he ignored completely...

_"Good, one person less to worry about…"_ Golbez tried his best not to feel guilty for insulting the young man like he had done.

"Ugh… Where am I?" Finally, Edward opened his eyes.

"In the Water-Ways of Kaipo," Leah informed him. "You were bit by a poison rat, but should feel better again, soon."

"Who are--wait, I know you from somewhere. Dawn, was it? I thought you were dead…"

The young king closed his eyes again, still exhausted.

Golbez, who was watching the whole scene with folded arms and leaning against a wall, could not help, but smirk.

"Not you, too…" Desperation darkened Leah's face. "I'm not Dawn. My name is Leah… I think…" Her shoulders slumped down, nearly defeated.

"Hey, hey!" Tristan came to comfort her. "You see that our friend here is still weak and if you really resemble that mysterious woman so much, it's no wonder if he mistakes you for her…"

"Yes… that's right… My sight is still a bit clouded, as are my thoughts…" Edward apologized, swallowing. "Besides you don't sound like Dawn…"

Golbez's smile disappeared. Was he really the only one who thought that Leah resembled Dawn's most important aspects? Hadn't they all seen often enough how manipulation magic worked? How voices and looks could change during memorization?

"So what were you doing here in the caves, King Edward?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I could ask you the same thing…" It sounded nearly defiant and Golbez wondered once again when exactly Edward had found so much courage.

"We were on the way to your Kingdom to politely ask for permission to use the Hovercraft, Your Majesty," Tristan joined into the conversation.

_"You wanted to say "steal it", right? But that was a wrong move, boy… Edward would never give the hovercraft to the likes of me, unless Cecil asked him, of course…" _

"The hovercraft, you say? Fine, fine take it!" Edward made a derogatory movement with his hand and tried to propel himself onto his elbows. "I'll give you my official permission and then you just let me continue my way towards Kaipo."

"But you are no match for the remaining way, Your Majesty!" Leah protested. "We must bring you to Damcyan where you can rest fully…"

"No." Edward's normally soft and melodious voice was very strong all of a sudden.

Golbez frowned. Why was the bard so roused? He knew that Anna had come from Kaipo, but why would Edward take the dangerous way through the caves instead of going there by hovercraft over the shallow cliffs near the continent?

"You have no choice in this matter, King Edward," Golbez said. "You're too weak and in no condition to travel through the rest of the caves and it would be illogical to leave you here after we have saved you once."

Looking at his travel companions, Golbez realized that he was probably the only one able enough to support Edward, so he helped the man up, grudgingly laying an arm around his shoulder.

Edward flinched at the black haired man's touch and tried to get away from the other, but there was no way he could escape Golbez's iron grip in his weakened state. He let his golden curled head sink in defeat. "It seems that lately, life doesn't give me much room to choose…"

Golbez chuckled, unmoved. "Isn't life always like this?"

xOx

As the group reached the exit of the Kaipo caves only half an hour later, burning heat welcomed them--it was hard to believe that just some days ago Golbez had started his journey in the snowy Baron. No one was complaining about the high temperature, though, which had to do with the fact that the group atmosphere lay below zero:

Tristan still wasn't speaking to Golbez, whichthe dark wizard didn't mind much, though; Leah was mostly talking to Tristan and Edward had made it clear that he didn't want to talk at all and seemed to hate every step he had to do with Golbez's help.

Golbez himself was not thrilled with having to support Edward, as well; the King of Damcyan looked even frailer than Golbez remembered and he had to take care not to hurt the young man by tightening his grip around the other's shoulders too much. He regarded Edward out of the corner of his eye: The nearly feminine face, the blue eyes which were staring blankly at the sand below them, the drooping shoulders…

_"Some people are really not cut out to be rulers… Cecil may be a penetrating idealist, but at least he has the power to--"_

"I know what you think, Master Golbez," Edward's quiet voice broke his thoughts. "You're wondering how such a weakling who gets beaten up by some rats could ever fight alongside your brother and gain the throne of a kingdom, right?"

Without giving Golbez the chance to say anything, Edward added, "As you said, life doesn't grant you the opportunity to decide for yourself, but decides for you. At least when you are weak. Not everyone can have your power… "

Was there fear in Edward's voice? Anger? Golbez did not know--the King of Damcyan seemed so different from the person Golbez remembered, but then again, he had never really talked to the bard since his return to the Blue Planet.

"I don't know what exactly you are referring to, King Edward," Golbez said calmly, "You shouldn't worry about what I think or not, but about returning to your Kingdom where we finally can loose this forced collaboration. I cannot blame you for your feeling of hate against me, but I cannot do anything against it, except for leaving you as soon as possible."

"He really makes things easy for himself, doesn't he?" The words came not from Edward, but were spoken quietly by Leah to Tristan. Although the two were walking behind Golbez, the dark wizard had understood the remark nonetheless.

_"I'm making things easy for me? What does this naïve girl know about my guilt, my constant fight, not only against my past deeds but against myself?"_

"If I'd like to make things easy for me, Miss Coven, I wouldn't travel with you all," he said sarcastically aloud.

"Well, then why don't you go?" Leah retorted back. Golbez noted, annoyed, that the girl was getting bolder by the minute, and behaved in a way that had not been Dawn's at all.

"Shh… Don't tempt him like that or he really might leave!" Tristan hissed, but Leah's temperament had already been ignited too much.

"I'm not tempting him! You are the one who doesn't talk to him anymore and with good right, I have to say!"

Golbez let out a deep sigh--now Tristan _and _Leah seemed to be against him. Although this pleased him as he had once again succeeded in keeping others away from him, the other side of the coin was that he still needed Tristan's knowledge and help… As for Leah, he wasn't yet sure if he wanted her to go or to stay… She was of no real use to him, was she?

"I'd propose that we delay this "Tyrant Golbez" discussion, though I can assure you that this title is not out of place, until we have brought our patient here to safety…" he grumbled. "As far as I remember, the building before us is castle Damcyan, isn't it?"

It had been an unnecessary thing to say and Golbez wondered why he had done it. Edward stiffened in his grasp, obviously painfully remembering the attack on his Kingdom over two years ago.

Amidst the wide sea of sand, the massive Castle of Damcyan stood not like an alien sight, but like the desert itself had built the sandy coloured stone fortification.

_"It looks like it was never destroyed…"_ The visions of his dream last night came painfully into remembrance again and he feared that any stay at the castle would bring forth more memories.

_"When did you become such a wimp? These memories are your heritage and reminder… You must carry them as much as you must carry the disgust of the people and your disgust of yourself. This is your punishment…"_

However, it were not the memories he feared, but the feelings they could bring forth within him… Somewhere, beneath the grey of his soul, he felt something lurking… It was something red, something which was just waiting to get ignited to consume him with a fiery flame…

"It's huge!" Leah stopped and looked upon the building in awe. "Oh look, there is someone coming!"

"King Edward!" Two guards were running excitedly towards them, followed by the brown bearded chancellor of Damcyan. "Your Majesty! And--" They froze as they beheld the tall black haired man supporting their King.

"Seems that I'm as welcome here as everywhere else…" Golbez noticed dryly and set up his best arrogant smile.

"You--" the chancellor pointed at him with a rage-trembling hand: "Have you come to torture us yet again?"

The smile gave way to weary seriousness. "No. This time I have not come to take, but to give." Golbez shoved Edward rather roughly into the arms of the chancellor. "We found him in the Water-Ways where--"

"Don't…" Edward's soft voice cut him short.

The chancellor frowned, all the while not letting his gaze go from Golbez. "The caves leading to Kaipo? What business did you have there, Your Majesty? You left the castle so suddenly without any guards and without taking a chocobo or the hovercraft! We were so worried and also had to cancel several audiences and a conference with your advisors!"

_"He ran away?"_ Golbez raised an eyebrow. Now this was an interesting fact, although he had suspected something in this direction… Something about Edward's air was very familiar to him, although he hadn't been able to pinpoint what and why, yet.

"I'm sorry, Chancellor." Edward sounded miserable. "However, the Kingdom probably got along without me…"

"What are you talking about? You must be feeling sick--come, we'll bring you to your quarters." The chancellor eyed his King with worry. "And I'll beg you to leave..." He faced the rest of the group.

"No…" Edward's voice sounded again. "It is getting late. They can stay the night in the castle and leave tomorrow."

"But Your Majesty!" The chancellor as well as the guards were looking at him, shocked. "He's the man who ki--"

"I know…" Edward calmed him gently, then he added with more stress, "but he's also the brother of Cecil…"

The expression of the chancellor softened. "I understand, Your Majesty." He sighed. "Friends of the Paladin King Cecil Harvey are friends of ours, too. The guards will show you to your rooms, then."

The chancellor led the way, all the time, whispering insistently to Edward in a voice between worry and slight reproach. The bard did not seem to listen and only nodded apathetically now and then.

"Sounds like everyone is very fond of your brother. The Elder spoke well of him, too. I guess I'd like to meet a real Paladin. Maybe he could help me… Somehow…" Leah reflected aloud, while they were passing the big wooden gates of Damcyan castle.

_"Seems that everyone only trusts me because of Cecil… It seems that I'm dependent on his help, after all…"_ Golbez did not like the way Leah spoke about his Cecil… "_She couldn't-- No, she only said she would like to meet him… That was all… Get a grip on yourself!"_

However, there it was again, this tiny red flicker stirring in the murky bottom of his soul.

xOx

While Edward rested in his quarters, the group was led to their rooms. Since part of Damcyan's interior was not fully restored even two years after, Tristan and Golbez had to share a room...

"Try not to quarrel too much!" Leah winked before leaving the two. Again, it was amazing how her anger from before had evaporated, leaving behind a woman who was unusually cheerful and calm, for someone who had lost her memory.

Shaking his head in incomprehension, Golbez closed the door behind him. He turned around, facing Tristan, who had his arms folded stubbornly and a reproachful look on the face.

_"I bet that it's quite hard for him to keep his mouth shut this long..."_ Golbez regarded the other expressionlessly, though behind his cool façade he wasn't looking forward to sharing a room with this young pain-in-the-neck.

Tristan held the stare and started to blow at a strand of fair hair, which had fallen before his forehead.

Golbez chuckled inwardly. _"He's trying to make me nervous…He probably is very skilled in this… It must be due to this entire card gaming…"_

"If you're trying to unnerve me, be assured that it won't work…" He said with a raised eyebrow. "You see, I do not feel very much--there is hardly any emotion left in me since Zeromus' control over me was broken. " His voice got menacingly low. "And even then, I felt very little when destroying or killing…"

As intended, these words seemed to frighten Tristan, and the young man turned around, now facing the window. However, the flaxen haired swindler began now to watch Golbez on the reflection of the glass.

"Don't you want to take a look at the castle?" Golbez asked into the silence. "It might be your chance to find a suitable replacement for Mary or Cindy or whatever she was called."

Tristan did not move.

Golbez shrugged and sat down on a chair. "Fine with me, then just stand there and stare at me. I'm used to that..." Golbez crossed his black boots and folded his arms.

After about half an hour of silence, Golbez decided that sitting in such a way only brought him to brood over too many things… In view of his reputation, wandering in the castle was no option as well and thus he decided to sleep, and lay down on the bed without caring to undress much. He closed his eyes, but sleep wouldn't come--often, he wondered if the year he had slept on the moon had been sufficient for his whole life, but maybe he just was afraid of having yet another dream. Still, just as he was about to drift away, a metallic noise pierced his ears. He opened his eyes and propped himself on the elbows. Tristan was sitting on a chair and sharpened his knife.

_"Is everyone around me getting too bold? I need to be more disgusting…"_ Golbez fell back into the bed again, but the noise reminded him so much of the sound of the blade cutting through his armour in his dream that he was completely awake, again. Finally, he catapulted himself from the bed with an abrupt movement and approached Tristan.

"Listen boy, don't toy with me and don't provoke me. I warned you before that I'm unpredictable and that my old self could come out any time. _And you don't want to be around then._"

Tristan put the knife back into his pocket and stood up to open the window.

Golbez sighed with relief. Finally, the man had stopped his staring.

Then, Tristan began to whistle.

Golbez placed a hand on his forehead in exhaustion. _"This all is a bad dream… This man is worse than all of Cecil's friends together…"_ Still, he could think of no more threats to get the other to leave him alone--at least of no more verbal ones… But violence was no real option especially in a place where everyone was just waiting for him to hurt and destroy… So there was only one way left.

"If it satisfies you, I take back my former words. I just wanted to show you that your constant lying and swindling isn't helping anyone…" Golbez admitted defeat in a low voice, trying not to sound too apologizing. "Besides, you talk too much. Why did you have to tell Leah everything about Dawn?"

"Okay, okay I'm sorry for that, but it was such a nice chance to start a conversation with her…" Tristan had stopped whistling, but did not care to turn around.

"Could you leave me, please, out of your seducing strategies?" Golbez's voice was sharp now. It upset him to no end that Tristan had actually managed to unnerve him.

"Hey, now what would you call your constant "You are Dawn, the woman I love" stuff?" Tristan now faced him and gave Golbez a horrid grin.

The dark wizard's expression filled with rage. "For the last time: I never said that I loved her. She was only a person who helped me to find some things I had lost…"

_"Only to lose them again as she disappeared."_

"But there was no love…" He suddenly got calmer and turned away his gaze from Tristan, bitterly. "I don't even know what that is… Love… I'm just trying to find out who Leah is."

Tristan clicked his tongue. "Okay, surely. Works well for me, pal. It would be a shame if someone as pretty as her would be left behind by someone going to the moon." Realizing what he had said, he quickly changed the subject. "If you give me a little apologizing fee, I might consider talking with you again." He held out his hand with a kind smile.

"You are already talking with me, _pal_. And watch your mouth, who says that I might not consider killing you and taking the hovercraft by myself?" Golbez growled.

"You don't know the way--only I do! And what would your brother say to this? And King Edward?" Tristan grinned insolently.

"You…." Snorting, Golbez poured some gold into Tristan's outstretched hand. "And now leave me alone for a while!"

"Of course! I'm pretty sure that I can find another bed for the night, if you know what I mean..." Tristan was already confident of his victory.

"Sure…" Golbez called after him. _"As long as you leave Leah's room alone…"_ he involuntarily thought.

Only shortly after Tristan had left, there was a knock at the door.

"Golbez?" It was Leah's voice.

"Come in…" Golbez sighed. He was feeling so tired, again.

_"It must have to do with all this unusual amount of talking I have to do lately…"_

The young woman slipped through the door carefully, nearly hesitant and avoiding his gaze.

"Yes?" he asked impatiently, as Leah did not leave her place in the doorway.

"I… I just wanted to know if it is goodbye for me here…"

"Well, Tristan hired you only to bring us to Damcyan, right?"

_"What are you saying? You don't want her to leave until--"_

Leah raised her head and looked him in the eyes, bitterly. "I know that I'm only a hindrance to you. Tristan is as well, but you still need him. You don't want to be with anyone, but I… I really don't know where to go… Although it frightens me to travel with you... But you are going to Mysidia, right? Maybe the scholars there can help me to find my memory…"

Golbez said nothing, waiting for her to continue. The sound of her voice had changed--although she said that she was frightened, she didn't sound like it…

"I want to know who I am and since you and now also King Edward constantly compare me with this Dawn, I… maybe I'd like to know more... Because… because...I could be her… I don't know any more…"

Golbez was surprised; first she had been so rejecting and now this?

"I mean--" Leah got more agitated now. "Do I really look like her? I cannot understand that you can't remember!"

Golbez shook his head. "Don't you know--no of course, you have no memories of the past altogether, but don't you know that memories can deceive you? Your eyes are the same, same height as well, but you often act differently and your hair--" He wanted to reach out for her, but hesitated.

"Of course, just go ahead." Leah smiled encouragingly. "I'd do much to find out who I am and letting my hair get rearranged shouldn't be so bad, unless you pull out scissors…"

Golbez raised an eyebrow. He felt slightly uncomfortable touching her, but after all he wanted, needed to know, didn't he?

He approached her and started to order her chin length hair so that it framed her face. Her silvery white locks felt soft and as light as feathers on his fingers.

"It was like this… I think…" He murmured, regarding her skeptically while Leah was watching him attentively, trying not to move. "No, wait I…" He froze and let go of her strands.

"What is it?"

"I just can't remember. She had very long hair--"

Leah suddenly burst out laughing. "Well, if I travel long enough with you, lets say several years, maybe things will be easier for you…"

_"I won't be around long enough for you to even let your hair grow one centimeter…"_

Despite the thought, Golbez had to grin, as well. "I don't think that even that would help… More than Dawn's outer appearance, the memory of her being is still in me… But even this memory might be deceptive, since she was able to wield manipulative magic... Maybe in reality I never knew her real character, but only the one she wanted others to see…"

Leah was very excited all of a sudden. "You mean I could have magic abilities?" She cleared her throat. "Er, I mean just theoretically… For the unlikely case that I _am_ her…"

Golbez regarded her sudden eagerness with a frown. "I don't know, but you seem to posses many skills a normal person does not have. When you killed the rat, you had the air of someone who used to fight. And you helped Edward with your healing. And…"

"And?" Leah cocked her head.

"You are not afraid… Dawn wasn't as well…" Suddenly, Golbez felt lost in the way Leah was standing before him--it was so like _her_…

_"These blue eyes…"_

They had just gotten an earnest look to them. "So… Since I'm not afraid, I'd like to travel with you further," Leah said. "Besides I don't believe that you would hurt me--especially not if I was this Dawn, right?"

_"No… that is not true…"_

"Listen, Leah…" Golbez took a step back, realizing that he had been standing very close to her. "No matter what you believe--never believe that I wouldn't hurt you… It may not be in my power to…" He suddenly was curt. "If you want to travel with us further, do so. But be aware. My main objective was not Dawn, but to find a way back to the moon and I won't show consideration for anyone. I also do not know what dangers, besides me, will await us on the way."

"I understand. Still I will travel with you in the hovercraft tomorrow." Leah nodded and wanted to turn for the door, but then stopped and faced Golbez.

"Tristan told me that you're going to Mysidia to search for someone to get some things cleared and since this Dawn is either dead or… well, _here_, I was wondering who this person is…"

"There is nobody…" The words formed in his mind and left his mouth as a cold, dead echo.

Leah regarded him with the strangest of smiles. "I think you are lying." She quickly left the room.

A shudder passed through Golbez as he stared after her. She couldn't know that he wanted to look for his father on Mt. Ordeals, could she? Unless she had looked into his soul…

_"But then again, she would have known, too, that you haven't been lying to her…"_

Because although Golbez's mind knew that Klu Ya was his father, his heart was refusing to know the man:

He was just a nobody to him.

xOx

Later that day, Golbez was informed by a nervous maid that Edward was wishing to dine with everyone. The dark haired wizard wanted to refuse at first, but since they wanted to lend the hovercraft, he decided to behave socially--also, he didn't want that Cecil would have to deal with even more bad rumours about his person.

_"I wonder what horrible accounts of my travels have already reached him…"_

In such a renewed mood of guilt and annoyance Golbez made his way to the dining room where Leah and Tristan were already seated at the table together with Edward. The young King of Damcyan was looking healthier than before, but still the whole posture of the man seemed broken and feeble.

"Master Golbez…" the King greeted him without looking up.

"King Edward, I'm not sure if I should attend this dinner--"

Edward held up his slender hand. "No, please sit down. I cannot overlook that you saved me in the cave… Besides, I guess that it would be in Cecil's best interest if we let the past rest, at least for now. "

_"So it's all about Cecil again…"_ Golbez thought, amused, as he took a place next to Leah. It was a well known fact that Edward looked uponthe courage and wisdom of the younger Paladin, even more so as Cecil had helped to restore parts of Damcyan. Still, Golbez could not quite believe that Edward would really forgive him for the Paladin's sake, as well.

"I heard from Sir Tristan here that you want to examine some reefs near the coast with the hovercraft?" Edward asked while he started to pick absent-mindedly at his food. He had something in common in this with Golbez, who was usually not feeling very hungry and refused most offered food, while Tristan and Leah both had a good appetite.

"Yes, Tristan here claims that a secret teleport magic exists in one of these caves…"

"I understand." Edward nodded and poured himself some wine. "I've heard of this rumour, too, though no one has ever found the cave. The reefs are just too dangerous and the amount of isles are too great. It is said that the cave was a refuge for the first Lunarians who arrived here on the Planet, so the chance of finding artifacts and magic is indeed great. Where did you hear the story, Sir Tristan?" He looked up, but even now not a sparkle of interest could be found in his dead eyes.

Tristan cleared his throat. "Like I told Golbez here before, I met this scholar and… er.. was able to _acquire_ this highly helpful book …"

_"Just admit that you stole it…"_

"It's alright if you don't want to tell." Edward reassured the man. "Anyway, if this magic really exists, you want to use it to go to Mysidia in order to try talking to Klu Ya, right?"

Golbez's fork fell, clattering to the table. "Who told you this?"

_"Only Cecil had known this… But he wouldn't tell it to Edward, would he? Could Leah have…?"_

He had the impression that the young woman had just given him a triumphant wink over the edge of the wine glass at her lips…

For the first time, Edward showed any real sign of emotion and he now looked genuinely shocked and afraid. "Oh, I'm sorry if your companions didn't know about it. I just presumed that if you only wanted to return to the moon, it would be sufficient to use the Lunarian teleportation magic, which is supposedly hidden in the caves, to go there right away… Sorry, I talk too much." He bowed his head.

Golbez tried to stay calm. "Well… we don't know if the magic is really that strong… But since everyone seems to know it--yes, I want to visit Mt. Ordeals and try to speak with Klu Ya before I leave the Blue Planet…"

"So no matter what Klu Ya tells you, you are inclined to leave? But Cecil was hoping that--"

Golbez interrupted Edward with a shake of his head. "Don't you think that it's mysterious that the moon is still there? Maybe FuSoYa or other Lunarians are already looking for me… You should know best that with the things I have done there is no place for me here, King Edward. Cecil is too good natured. I may be his brother, but I still am the Dark Wizard Golbez, the man who has destroyed whole existences."

Edward nodded, lost in his own world for a moment. "Yes, I understand. Let's not talk further about this. As I said before, I'm willing to give you the hovercraft. However, I fear that my advisers wouldn't agree with my decision. Thus we have to take unusual measures… Please leave the castle at midnight. The craft will stand ready for you in an old shack in the outskirts of the Damcyan." He rose. "If you will excuse me now... I'm still feeling tired." He nodded to the group and left the dining room.

The three left behind at the table were silent for a moment, a bit surprised by Edward's sudden departure.

"For that you killed his beloved, he is mighty helpful, don't you think?" Tristan asked cheerfully to the group, after a while.

Golbez shrugged. "He's doing it only for my brother..." Still, it amazed him as well that Edward would so lightly go even against the wishes of his advisers…

"But we shouldn't worry about King Edward's motives. The only thing of importance is that we have the hovercraft. I think we all should rest before tonight." He prepared to stand up.

"Golbez…" Leah held him back. "Don't you want to tell us who Klu Ya is?"

_"So she just guessed after all…" _

"He's Cecil's father. That's all that I want to say." Golbez replied and left the room without giving the others the chance to react.

Leah looked after him, puzzled. "Well, since Cecil is his brother, it means that Klu Ya is _his_ father as well…"

Tristan leaned, grinning, back in his chair. "Yes, one would think so. Unless the Lunarians are as unstable in relationships as humans..."


	10. Chapter 9: Behind azure eyes

**Chapter 9**

**Behind Azure Eyes**

How could he possibly do this?

_"He is the one responsible for the death of my parents, and for the death of her…"_ Desperation showing in expression and gesture, Edward wrapped a soft cloth around his beloved lyre, then packed it into a little bundle.

But wasn't it like Golbez had verified? Life didn't give you the room to choose and the whole "adventure" the day before had turned out different than expected; though Edward didn't exactly know what he _had _expected. He remembered that he had ventured into the cave fearlessly, but had become terribly frightened as the rats appeared… It seemed that although any other emotions of the human mind had been suffocated by the one overwhelming feel of sadness that he bore since Anna's death, fear was the one feeling that still broke through now and then.

_"Why am I always such a coward? Why can't I do things on my own?"_

Still, he could not bring himself to change, since the fear also destroyed every little trace of hope the sadness had left behind in his being…

_"Every day here is a day lost. And in contrast to my friends, he doesn't care for anything or anyone, so he at least will not reproach me nor has he the right to do so…" _

After all, Edward was blaming himself enough.

_"How can I leave them alone? It was my responsibility to care for the Kingdom; it is the heritage of my mother and father…"_

Still, all these self-accusations were only shallow thoughts, more born out of knowledge that this was what he _should_ feel, rather than what he _was_ feeling. And he wasn't feeling anything, since most emotions had long left him.

He packed the last of his clothes into the bundle.

_"I have no choice…"_

Anna's death had chosen his way a long time ago.

xOx

"So, does anyone know how to fly this thing?" Leah, hands on her hips, regarded the yellow and red vehicle before her with skepticism.

"I bet Golbez here can!" As usual, Tristan was imperturbably optimistic. "You used to command airships, right?"

The black haired wizard smiled mockingly in the dim light of the shack they were standing in.

"I fear that I'll have to disappoint you. A hovercraft is not a very convenient vehicle for taking over Kingdoms, thus it has never been of use to me or my Master. Still, it looks like a simple machine and it should be of no problem to find out how it works." Opening the door to let some more of the moonlight into the room, Golbez began to study the hovercraft controls with the air of a bored intellectual.

"You will need these to start it…" The faint tinkling of metal made the three companions turn around.

In the pale light cone of the open door, Edward's soft features became visible.With a little nod, Golbez reached out for the keys which were dangling from the bard's hand.

"No…" It was a restrained no, which became more weight as Edward pulled the keys away.

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter?"

"I…" For a moment Edward's voice faltered. "I will keep the keys and drive the hovercraft. I want to accompany you…" Shame spoke out of his words.

"I hope you understand that this is not possible, King Edward. This here will be no short trip and surely duties await you tomorrow." Golbez explained calmly: It should be easy enough to dissuade the man before him from his plans.

"No, this Kingdom does not need someone as-- It does not need _me_. You all know I tried to run away before…"

Golbez uttered a little laugh. "You called that running away? Running away into your death, that is. I knew it from the moment we found you--you have the air of someone who is sick of living…"

"Then we have something in common, don't you think?" The words had escaped Edward before fear could close his mouth. For a moment Golbez was speechless.

Edward used the pause to speak on. "But… but you are not right. I didn't want to die back there… I didn't know what I wanted--I just wanted to get away and here is a chance for me to do so. I… I will give you the keys only if I can accompany you." His voice was still trembling and then, quickly, he added, "I promise I won't be of any hindrance to you and Cecil never needs to know…"

"Cecil never needs to know?" Golbez had well noticed Tristan's dirty little smile.

_"For the first coin which flips into his hand, he'll shout aloud from every roof that Edward has fled from his duties…"_

"Listen, I'd hate to act threatening in front of my brother's friends, even more so as you have endured much through my hand, but what makes you think that I'm not able to take the keys without your allowance?" The dark wizard straightened up and took a menacing step towards Edward.

"Golbez…" Leah tried to hold him back, but was stopped by Tristan, who indicated with an unmistakable gesture of his hand to stay silent and just watch things.

"Is this everything you have learned, Master Golbez? Making threats? Have Cecil and Dawn taught you nothing? Can you really return to the moon without having once shown compassion? Without having once been…human?" Though Edward's voice still trembled, there now was something else to it--something defiant and absolute.

Golbez had listened to the other's words with a raised eyebrow.

_"I have been human way too often sine I returned here…." _

"If you want to talk with me about humanity, King Edward, you have the wrong discussion partner. However--"

"Even if you're _not_ human, you should know that it is the human virtue to compensate a wrong committed by showing the will to pay for it with deeds! Don't you think you owe me something?" Edward was surprised himself about the anger and strength sweeping in his words--could it be that he still harboured more feelings than he had thought?

Golbez was not less surprised by this open approach. _"Owing him something? How can a mere deed compensate for the loss he had to endure?"_ Still, he was at a loss for other arguments.

"Let him go with us…" Leah's voice echoed unusually soft.

"No protest in that…" Tristan agreed.

"I…" Golbez tried to set up his arrogant expression again, but for some reason it failed and his voice was full of bitterness and exhaustion when he spoke: "You know as well as I do that all this will not wash away the blood on my hands or your… your grief… But since you so insist on it and since my travel companions are on your side… Fine, you may accompany us."

Edward nodded and his breathing slowed. He entered the hovercraft quickly, as if fearing that Golbez might change his mind again and started the engine. "Quickly, before anyone notices us."

"You seem to develop a sense for groups…" Leah whispered as she took place behind Golbez on the backseat of the craft.

"You think so?" Golbez was amused that the young woman interpreted his behaviour in such a way. He still didn't care much for company, but just wondered if there had been some kind of truth in Edward's words, if there was yet another way to atone for his sins than just dreams and self chosen isolation. Cecil had often told him so, too, but even after everything he had done so far which could be called "good", Golbez could not believe that real penance was possible. And maybe he had just agreed on taking Edward with them, to prove that he was right in his opinion and his brother was _not_...

xOx

Edward was steering the hovercraft quickly and surely through the night--not like one who was used of driving such vehicles, but like one who knew the desert.

"Won't your advisors send soldiers after us?" Golbez asked at some point, as, although the hovercraft was gliding through the sand silently, it still was leaving behind traces.

"Not before tomorrow. I took the way through the little graveyard that no one usually sets step into, except me. They will not learn about my disappearance before tomorrow morning when the maids arrive."

"Little graveyard? Is this… is this where your beloved is buried?" Leah wondered from the back of the hovercraft, but quickly held a hand before her mouth, as she saw Edward flinch. "I'm sorry… It's not my business and--"

Edward shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. It is no secret to most people. My fiancée, Anna, is indeed buried there. I loved her very much and to build a graveyard just outside of my chambers was the nearest place I could keep her now that--" His shoulders drooped down once more and Golbez was prepared to take over the steer in case Edward would get too overwhelmed by the grief--every fiber of the young man next to him seemed to be fabricated out of a deep, bitter sweet melancholy, always dancing between the colourful joys of the past and the dark prospect of the present reality.

"I… I can understand that it must be very hard to loose a person you love so much, but at least you always will be able to cherish the memory of her… I wish I had at least that much…" Leah spoke absentmindedly.

_"To have at least that much?"_ Edward murmured. "I've never regarded it that way…" He fell silent, pondering; but at least, as Golbez noticed, he had his eyes on the steer again…

"I'm sure we'll find out something about you soon enough, Leah…" Tristan was comforting the woman next to him. "Hey, these desert nights are pretty cold--" He started to rummage around. "Look what we have here--a woolen blanket! Care to share it with me? You look cold."

Gratefully, Leah moved closer to Tristan to get under the blanket. Just some moments later, the sound of her breathing had slowed immensely. As Golbez looked over his shoulder, he saw that Leah had fallen asleep, her head resting on Tristan's shoulder. The young man was short of drifting off as well, but he was still awake enough to flash Golbez a triumphant grin, pointing at Leah's sleeping form with an upwards turned thumb. _"What did I tell?"_ he mouthed, before falling into a satisfied sleep.

Letting out a deep sigh, Golbez turned around again--Tristan was always so sure of himself, but Leah had just been dead tired; she wouldn't feel anything for the swindler, would she?

_"Why do you care? Though if she really stands in any connection with Dawn--"_

"Master Golbez?" Edward's melodious voice broke his thoughts.

"Just Golbez," the long haired man corrected. "There's no need to be overly reverent in my company."

Edward sucked in some air, sharply. The irony of the man next to him was so disgusting-- and frightening at the same time.

"Golbez, then. What is really the matter with this girl, Leah?"

"Well, what do you think?"

"She... she is a bit strange for someone who has lost her memory. She's so calm... and sure of herself. And she hasn't lost her cheerfulness… She resembles Anna a bit…" Again, he was about to get lost in his grief, but pulled himself together this time. "You said she reminds you of Dawn?"

"It's the way she talks sometimes…and the way she looks at one…"

"From what I've seen of Dawn back then, I can assure you that she indeed has a strong resemblance with her, but," Even in the dark of the night, Golbez could see how a weak, sad smile spread across Edward's lips--the first smile he had ever seen on the face of the other, "it seems that you and I both cannot forget…"

_"Cannot forget?"_ The word seemed to linger reproachfully in the cold desert air. "_But we are not the same, Edward… You may not be able to forget, but I'm just trying to find out the truth, aren't I?"_ Golbez shrugged and then fell into an icy silence neither he nor Edward broke until the warming sun had risen again.

xOx

In the already hot morning hours, they finally reached the coast, where water and heat peacefully united. Edward halted the hovercraft behind a dune, so that everyone could rest their stiff limbs.

Leah was quite grateful for the break. "Whew! I could never get used to the desert temperatures--in the night it's so cold and just as the sun goes up it gets so hot…" She started to pull of her boots.

"Yes, just imagine that in Baron snow is lying on the ground by now--the blue planet sure has a strange climate… How is it on the moon, Golbez?" Tristan asked while taking off his vest and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. The questions was, as Golbez presumed, less posed out of real interest, but because the swindler wanted to make conversation with Leah.

"It is cold." The wizard told him rather annoyed. In contrast to Tristan and Leah, he wasn't feeling the heat, although sweat was beginning to build on his forehead and he was mainly clothed in black, it seemed to him as if the cold inside him always was stronger than any surrounding temperature could be.

"I'm going for a swim!" Leah was just about to head for a nice looking part of the beach, as she suddenly stopped in her movement and remained like a statue.

"Leah?" Golbez frowned.

"Guys?" The young woman turned around, a look of confusion on her face. "For some reason… all this here is familiar to me..."

"Here?" Tristan asked, unbelieving. "It's just a piece of sand and sea… Don't you think you could have seen such a coast anywhere?"

"No." Leah suddenly sounded very sure. "Look there--" she pointed towards some stony silhouettes in the azure sea. "I have seen this line of cliffs before… Though why? There's nothing there, right?"

"IfI understand Sir Tristan here right, one of these cliffs must be our destination…" Edward wondered, while slowly walking away from the group. "Maybe you'll remember more if we stay some time here…"

"Yes…" Leah nodded and walked slowly towards the water, clearly wanting to be alone for a moment.

"Hey Golbez, why aren't you saying anything! She remembered something!" In a fit of over-exaggerated joy, Tristan took Golbez's arm and started to shake it, as if hoping to pull the other out of his silence. "Soon you might even find out if she's--_Ouch_!" He uttered a cry of pain as Golbez's grip of steel grabbed his hand and twisted it around.

"Yes, yes, understood! No talking, no touching! I'll let you alone, then…" Tristan pulled away his hand as soon as Golbez's had lessened the grip and retraced his steps towards the hovercraft, where he rested himself on the rear of it in an arrogant pose, as if the vehicle already belonged to him.

_"Why would she remember?"_ Golbez tried to follow Leah with his eyes, but the woman had disappeared behind a dune blocking his view. _"Why should Dawn ever have been here? Has she seen the place in one of her travels?"_

_"We cannot forget…"_ Suddenly the cold desert night was there, again. "_I have to accept that she might be a totally different person."_ Still, the fact that Leah seemed to have remembered something made him nearly feel… angry…

_"The time slips away…_

_days__ unmercifully going astray…"_

Suddenlythe sea breeze carried over the bright playing of a lyre and the soft sounds of a song… The voice singing held nothing but sadness, but still there was a strength in it and it was staying on every note, as if wanting to prolong the melody for as long as possible…

_"A heart, torn and broken…"_

Golbez followed the music and spotted, like expected, Edward. The bard was sitting on the top of a dune, the instrument in his hand, eyes directed on the sea, and if it hadn't been for the song, the fingers moving lightly over the strings and the wind blowing through his fair curls, one could as well have believed that he was no longer a being of flesh and blood, but just a lifeless sculpture out of marble and gold.

_"Left in the cold after it just had awoken…"_

He stopped singing as he noticed the other man approaching. "I… I haven't played the lyre for a long time… but suddenly I felt the urge to…" It sounded nearly like an apology.

With an encouraging wave of his hand, Golbez turned his back towards him, staring at the sea, as well. "Oh, but please, go on…" It was a lie--something about this song was making him feel sick…

"No… I don't remember the next verse of it, anyway. I don't even remember if I ever finished the lyrics…" Edward bowed his head. "Did… did you like it?" He frowned, obviously regretting the question as soon as he had posed it.

_"It reminded me of something…"_

"It was…" Golbez's thoughts raced, trying to find some word to describe the song, but his soul felt so… churned up right now… What was the word he once had heard from those little brats Palom and Porom when listening to the bard?

"It was trashy…" it escaped his lips and he didn't really know why--even for him there had been no need to be this mean, but he just had to let out the aggression and confusion he was feeling.

"Trashy?" The lyre landed with a dull thud in the sand as Edward stood up, tears shooting into his eyes.

Golbez faced him, being at the end of his tether. _Why couldn't they just leave him alone?_ Now, he also had to comfort Edward since he needed him to the drive the hovercraft…

"Now listen, what I meant was that you always either talk or sing about this little girl of yours and--" he stopped with the beginning lecture as he became aware that there was anger shining through Edward's tears.

"_This little girl of yours_? How do you dare to talk about her in such a way!" The bard shouted. "_You _were the one who took her from me and if I weren't such a coward I would… I would…" He turned his head away. "It doesn't matter, but even if I talk about her all the time--" he glanced at Golbez and hissed in a lower voice, "I have at least accepted that Anna is dead--something you failed to do concerning Dawn! I saw your face as Leah remembered the place here. It is something you do not wished to hear, but accept it: Dawn is gone and will never return! And even if she _did_, she would return to see your brother, _not you_!" With that, he hastily grabbed for his instrument and strode towards the hovercraft.

Golbez looked after him with a raised eyebrow, but his expression was devoid of any arrogance or mockery. Could he really not let go? Edward was right. Dawn was dead. He himself had seen it as she had plunged down the cliff…

_Splash!_

Against the soft crashing of the waves the sound of splashing water and a loud laugh became faintly audible. As Golbez turned towards the sea, he saw Tristan running towards him hurriedly.

"Boy, are you missing a show there!" the flaxen haired man panted and started to pull at Golbez's black cloak like a little, rabid dog.

"I need this--please don't kill me for this, okay? You'll get it back later!"

Before the bewildered Golbez could react, Tristan had managed to pull the cloak away from him and was running with his "booty" towards the coast.

"What the hell…" As Golbez stepped away from the view blocking dune, he beheld Leah emerging from the water, only wearing her long shirt, which clung to her wet body. She laughed brightly as Tristan awaited her with a bow, the cloak in hand and ready to lay it around her shoulders.

_"This laugh…"_ Golbez inside seemed to freeze. _"So familiar…" _He regarded the two people--Tristan playing the charming cavalier as always, Leah listening patiently and smiling to his stories as he led her, arm around her, towards the hovercraft. _"This little good for nothing..."_ Why did watching this make him so angry? He suddenly had to shield his eyes from the burning sun and he felt heat surging up within. Biting, fiery red slowly seemed to spread in his soul…

_"Get a hold on yourself, Golbez!"_ He tried to calm down the swirling in his being…

_"Dawn is dead… And you knew from the start how Tristan is… And just leave Edward alone. Just somehow find a way back to the moon, continue your endless sleep and if this isn't possible, go somewhere where you will never hurt someone again…"_ Slowly, the waves of anger and rage calmed down and were washed away by deep exhaustion. Floating on it was a question he stood helpless against:

If everything was as easy as he had just put it, then why was he traveling with all these people?


	11. Chapter 10: Emerald waves

**Chapter 10**

**Emerald Waves**

"I brought back your cloak." Leah found Golbez still standing at the place near the dunes. She was fully clothed again, though her wet hair still was proof of the bath she had taken earlier.

"I'm sorry that Tristan took it from you, but you know how he is: always trying to impress the girls… I'd better watch myself, right?" She laughed, though stopped as Golbez wasn't even looking at her. "I've dried it in the sun. Here." Golbez took the offered black bundle wordlessly.

"Well… Then I'll go back to the Hovercraft… Maybe we can continue this _highly_ interesting talk later…" The words were not spoken out reproachful, but provoking. They succeeded in bringing a slight grin to Golbez's face, because the remark could have been as well his one.

"Cheerful today, aren't we?" He finally spoke. "Has it to do with the fact that you remembered something?"

_"Why are you bringing up this subject once again?"_

The woman looked down and started to draw some designs in the sand with the tip of her boot. "I don't know if it is worth anything… I can only remember the coastline and that isn't very helpful, right? I could have seen it on a painting..." Biting her lip, she looked up:

"Say, do you still think that I'm this Dawn?"

"Listen… "Golbez's thoughts were still on the encounter with Edward. "No matter if any memories you have now or later fit into Dawn's picture or not, the point is that she died by falling from a cliff, a dagger in her heart… How could anyone survive that?"

"A dagger in her… heart, you say?" Leah suddenly avoided his gaze. "No… no one could survive this…" She sounded far away.

"Leah?" Golbez's deep voice enquired suspicious.

"Nothing!" The young woman smiled. "I think Edward and Tristan want to break up as long as the sea is calm as this. Are you coming?"

Frowning, Golbez followed her.

xOx

Though Edward's eyes were still slightly red with weeping, he managed to steer the hovercraft surprisingly deft around the reefs -- though also very slow...

"If I might humbly ask: Is it possible to speed the vehicle up just a bit? If we go with this speed any longer, I might as well just have waited for spring for a ship to take me to Mysidia," Golbez grumbled impatiently.

"I'm well aware that I'm no good and that I can't please especially you of all people…" Edward sighed. "But this here is a dangerous territory--one wrong move or a wave too high and we will end up on one of the sharp rocks. Though I wonder if this wouldn't be better than--" He trailed off and shook his head slightly, as if chasing away a gloomy thought.

Golbez watched the whole scene with slight uneasiness. Was Edward really yearning for death? _"It seems that the little bard isn't as stable as Cecil and his friends want to believe… Here we are--two people who have to bear the heritage of the past, and two for whom the past doesn't even exist, though in Leah's case it is not wanted…"_

Tristan, on the other hand, only seemed to live for every piece of gold the future held in store for him. Right now, riches were beckoning once again and thus the swindler was busy giving Edward directions with the help of the map Leah was holding:

"Okay, it's pretty far away from the shore. And a bit more west…"

The Hovercraft had been gliding smoothly along the riffs until now, but the journey was getting rougher by the second as waves started to crash against the craft's sides, making it shake.

"I don't like this at all…!" Edward tried his best to hold the vehicle calm, but secretly he wondered how long he could keep this up. "Seems that a storm is coming!" In fact the sky was slowly being bathed in a black-green colour and drizzling rain began to fall.

"Shouldn't we turn back and wait on land until the weather is better?" Leah asked shivering, her wet hair clinging to her forehead. Although the rain itself was not cold, the wind was--something even Golbez remarked.

"No. We're too far away from the shore already and the island should be pretty near…"

"Exactly!" Tristan was still confident, although his clothes were soaked, too. "I can already see it--" he pointed towards the distance where now a brown, stony structure came into view.

"There? How shall I reach it? It's surrounded by reefs--the hovercraft will never fit through them!" Edward shouted against the waves, which were getting stronger by the minute.

"You must circle around the isle--on the side pointing towards the open sea there should be a gap between the reefs!" The island was in a decent range of visibility now and although he wanted to escape the raging sea as fast as possible, Edward slowed down the craft to keep it from crashing into one of the stone columns rising amidst the waves.

"I wonder why no one ever before has found this island." Golbez frowned.

"As I said before, it's probably because it is very dangerous to reach it--I've never been so far away from the coast, as well..." Edward was intensely concentrating on steering the hovercraft.

"Hah! But we are still healthy!" Tristan smiled. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!"

Just then, it happened… As Edward made a sharp turn to steer the hovercraft around the island, a wave crashed from below onto the bottom of the craft and nearly brought it upside down.

"Wahhh!" Tristan screamed, for the first time real fear in his voice, and even Golbez closed his eyes, grabbing the handles at his sides as tight as he could as the surroundings started to turn into the wrong direction. Just after a second the nightmare was gone and the craft settled back into the horizontal. Edward's hands were trembling around the steer. "Is everyone alright?"

"Leah!" Tristan was the first to notice that the seat next to him was empty.

"Damn!" Golbez looked around, hoping that Leah was still around the shallows, but the waves were crashing much too high to see much of anything…

"There--there I can see something--" Tristan pointed towards a point in the foamy water.

"I cannot go there with the craft--the water is too deep there!" Edward informed them.

"And I cannot swim!" Tristan added quickly.

Golbez smiled sourly upon realizing that obviously he was the one expected to play lifeguard, then. "Fine, I'll go. Stop and try to wait here."

"Wait--have you ever learned how to swim?" Edward asked, while Golbez loosened the clasp of his cloak.

The other just shrugged. "I honestly don't know. I guess I'll just have to trust that my old master has instilled that much survival practice in me." With an annoyed sigh, he jumped out of the hovercraft and waded through the hip-high water of the shallow trail they had followed, towards the open, roaring sea.

"I hope he finds her in time..." Edward's face was even paler than usual. "You don't seem worried, Sir Tristan…"

"Oh, I just believe that our Master wizard here is powerful enough to save a girl from drowning… uh oh…" Tristan's voice became high-pitched. "Say, King Edward, can you swim?"

"Not very well…" Edward admitted ashamed, remembering how he nearly had died when Fabul's ship had been attacked by Leviathan. Was there nothing he was good at? However, right now, there was an even greater problem than his chronic inability and he watched the giant masses of water approaching him with horror-widened eyes.

"I think you should hold on to--" Not even Tristan's words were fast enough to escape the wave that buried them…

Farther away, Golbez had found out that he _could _swim, though he would have liked to train it in less adverse conditions than high waves, stinging rain getting into his eyes and sharp cliffs all around him… Trying to keep his head out of the water as good as he could, he also had noticed that the Hovercraft was no longer in sight. Instead of panicking, Golbez's fatalistic logic started to work:

_"I'll just swim towards the island--maybe Leah has made it there, too…"_ He honestly hoped so. Just then, he saw something white flashing out to the left of him.

"Leah?" he shouted against the sea, reminding himself that she probably couldn't hear him and with powerful strokes, he tried to reach the point. Just then, an especially high wave threw him aside and he lost orientation for what seemed to him to beseveral minutes. As he had his head out of the sea once more, the salty water hurting his eyes, he suddenly noticed that someone was next to him--he forced his eyes open to catch a glimpse of blue eyes--

"Lea--" He suddenly felt a sharp pain on his head and than there was only black water around him_…_

_"The destroyer of nations Golbez drowned…"_

The thought had something amusing to it even as he tumbled into the depths…

xOx

_"At last you have arrived. We have been searching for you."_

_/Who is talking? I cannot see.../_

_"Open your eyes, Golbez!"_

_/I cannot… Who are you/_

_"You don't want to? Fine, then it makes it all easier for us…"_

_/Wait! I want… I want to open my eyes…/_

_"You'll always live in the darkness. Return to your sleep, return to your darkness…"_

_/No… there are things I have to do before…"_

_"Open your eyes!"_

_/Can I/_

"Golbez, please open your eyes!"

"Leah?" Once more, Golbez found himself lying on his back on some hard ground, staring into the face of a person, something wet in his face. This time, though, it was not Tristan who looked down on him, but Leah, and there was no ice, but water which was not only in his face, but in his lungs, as well. Rolling over, he started to cough.

"Hey, are you alright?" Leah carefully touched Golbez's shoulder.

"What happened?" the wizard brought forth.

"I fell out of the craft and since I somehow lost orientation in the water, I decided to swim towards the island. Then, I saw you, but before I could reach you, you hit your head against some stone and you were about to drown. I got hold of you and brought you here..."

Golbez turned around to look at her. Leah was sitting on her knees at his side, dripping wet and shivering.

_"She has saved me?"_ The thought made him feel slightly queasy… The uneasiness grew as he started to wonder about the fate of the others. For once, he hoped that Tristan _had _lied and _could_ swim, after all… And then there was Edward--it had been a mistake to take the bard with them…

_"It is my fault if something happened to him…" _

As always when things became too awkward and the guilt too pressing, Golbez's mind produced nothing but destructive mockery and thus he remarked aloud: "Seems you're a pretty good swimmer, Miss Coven… Sadly, I doubt that Edward and Tristan are, too… The hovercraft seems to have disappeared with them…"

"What? That's horrible!" Leah held a hand before her mouth in shock, and dropped her head. "It all seemed to be such an adventure… and now… They are probably dead and we…" Suddenly, tears were running down her cheeks.

Just then, Golbez remembered that this here was no fighter, but at the moment, no matter what her past, just a normal woman for whom landing half drowned on some island was like a bad dream. He couldn't say that he was pleased about the happenings himself, but then again he had seen so much in his life that hardly anything could shock him; or maybe it was just his lack of feeling, again. However, he wondered if he couldn't at least have broken the situation to Leah more gently…

"Listen…" Golbez sat up and tried to keep his mockery at bay this time. "I haven't even thanked you yet for saving me. You're surprisingly good to take care of yourself and others, and we managed to reach the island alive and unhurt. Of course, the chance that someone might rescue us from here is from a logical point of view rather unlikely and--" By Bahamut, there was that irony again. Could he never stop? Leah's tears did not stop, as well, and her upper body sacked into Golbez's direction.

_"Maybe drowning would have been the better option after all…"_ Feeling really uncomfortable by now, but also knowing that he somehow should calm Leah, he carefully patted her shoulder with the hesitance of having to touch burning charcoal. As a result of the clumsy gesture, Leah's head slumped against his shoulder and his hand slid on her back.

Golbez's first reaction was to draw his hand away, but since Leah would have fallen to the side then, he refrained from doing this--also the sensation the woman in his arms invoked was paralyzing his motor activity...

The light pressure of her head against his shoulder, burning hot tears cascading onto the fabric of his clothes… Her hair, smelling salty and refreshing like only the inexplicable smell of ocean air was… For a moment it made him forget the angry red flame in his soul, like the smell had become substantial and had blown it out with a breeze...

The tears were flowing even stronger and hotter now and she leaned closer, clutching lightly the sides of his shirt to keep balance. Even through her icily soaked clothes, her body was emitting warmth and suddenly it was seeping through him as well, spreading from his hand on Leah's back through his arm, his shoulders, his whole body… even through his blood…

_"Have I ever felt that warm?"_ The heat was still growing and now ignited a flicker in his soul once more… It was not a bright angry red flame as before, but toned down; its deep red calming, but exciting at the same time…

It frightened Golbez in the comfort it gave.

He was about to shove Leah carefully away from him, when she rose her head by herself,

causing Golbez's hand to gently glide from her back.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled weakly and swallowed the last of her tears before she faced him, looking embarrassed. "It must seem pathetic for you that I'm sitting here, crying, but all this… Here I am sitting with no memory; two of the three people I just got to know are probably dead and... and… I suddenly asked myself what is the sense in all this? There is nothing but uncertainty in my life… And I just felt… so alone…"

"I fear that I can give you no words of comfort in this matter…" Golbez was still feeling a bit like in a trance and the words left him only slowly--like the flame burning inside of him was dying away. "You see I've always been alone and--"

"This is not true, you have your brother and your fath--"

"This is really neither the place nor the time to talk about such things," he snapped and suddenly his head felt very clear, again.

Leah backed away a bit, her eyes wide with surprise. "I'm sorry, I didn't--"

"Please… forgive me…" Golbez tried calm down, again. His head started to hurt once more; Leah had said that he had hit a rock?

"At first we need to find some cover from the storm… You'll freeze to death in these wet clothes…" He got to his feet and helped Leah up with some effort. Just now he felt how exhausted the unaccustomed swim had left him.

"Shouldn't you worry more about _your_ health? You're the one who nearly drowned…" Smiling once more, Leah reached out to touch one of his long black strands, which were clinging to his black shirt and pale face. Her hand near his face made his skin turn hot, but he wasn't fast enough to back away.

"Just getting some seaweed out of it…" Leah grinned, brushing out some of the black mass with her hands. It was strange, Golbez thought, having his hair getting touched by another person; it nearly seemed bold to him in that moment… But Humans were strange… He had seen often enough how Rosa was straightening Cecil's sleeves or rearranging the crown on his head... It was something that obviously had to do with affection, but in this case--

_"The stone must really have hit you hard if you're thinking about such matters…"_ Though, then again, the hit on his head had not felt like a stone... He glanced at Leah, who was busy trying not to stumble on the rocky surface of the island.

After some time, they found some sort of bigger indentation in the massive mountain structure dominating the island and with the help of some driftwood and several magical spells, Golbez managed to get a fire burning.

His black shirt and trousers had dried rather fast, or at least he no longer noticed the cold, but Leah was still shivering and hershirt and trousers clung to her icily.

"I'll turn around if you want, so that you can take off these clothes and dry them…." Golbez offered.

"What? No… I'm fine, really…" Leah clutched her shirt protectively

_"What's the matter now?"_ Back then when she had taken the bath in the sea, Leah hadn't been so modest and she had just disappeared behind a dune to change… And now she suddenly felt awkward? Golbez couldn't understand what problems she had with undressing now in a situation where it was just… required. It was just flesh, wasn't it? Yes, of course even he was aware that she could get called rather pretty, but beauty was just a simple impression that didn't invoke more interest in him than the sight of a functional, well-forged weapon would do.

"I can go for a walk, as well…" he proposed.

"No, really, it'll dry this way, too…" Leah avoided his gaze.

Golbez felt anger rising within--he had thought that she would be tougher and not so prissy. And he really didn't know what he should do with her if she caught pneumonia. Humans could die of such a thing, couldn't they? He stood up and went over to Leah, trying to convince her of his "honesty".

"If you think that I would try to peep or whatever you call it, I assure you that you don't need to fear. I'm not Tristan and besides--well... I'm not… not…" It was seldom that Golbez was searching for words, but he really had never thought much about the whole subject. "I don't feel like other men! I'm not even a full human!"

Leah looked up at him and broke into a laughter which was not in the least bashful.

"I presume the "full" only correlates to the fact that you are half Lunarian… Or do people on the moon reproduce by snapping their fingers?"

A littler blush coloured Golbez's pale features--not because of the subject, but because he had just realized the stupidity of his words before.

"No, of course not… All I want to say is that you don't have to feel embarrassed. And now I'll go for a walk and then--"

"It… it is not necessary…" Leah said after some hesitation, but still smiling. "If you turn around it is enough." Eager to get out of the cold wet clothes, she started to unbutton her shirt rather fast, even faster than Golbez could turn around fully.

_"What's this?"_

"What's this?" Leah gasped as Golbez fell down before her with this shout, flinging the upper left part of her shirt aside.

"What _is_ _this_?" he spoke more slowly now, looking her into the eyes with a dark, earnest gaze.

"I… I..." Leah was still too surprised to even take Golbez's hand away from her shirt. She dropped her gaze to the faint red silhouette near her heart.

"I don't know what it is… It's just a scar and I never paid attention to it… But yesterday you told me about Dawn and the way she died…" her voice faltered.

"But this could be a proof of your identity!" Golbez voice gave out more excitement than he wanted. "Don't you want to get your memory back, Leah? Leah?"

"Stop it!" The woman was facing him once more, a bitter expression on her face as she laid her hand on Golbez's and pushed it away firmly, so that the cloth was covering her heart again.

"Stop confusing me even more… You can't even begin to understand how I feel in this scary chaos of this "Dawn here, Anna there" talk and my own memories! Do you know the real reason why I started to cry on the beach? While you were unconscious, I remembered something, again. I remembered this totally isolate island! Why the hell should Dawn have been here? Why should anyone have been here? Maybe I'm just slowly going mad…" Nearly forceful, she turned her gaze away, a suddenly strangely blank gaze. "Lately, I wonder if I even want to know who I really am or just want to leave it be at… _at how I am now…_ Just start anew…"

"But--"

"No buts!" It came desperate, but strong, strong like the hand that was now gripping Golbez's and her voice speaking to him. "You say that you don't feel like other people, that you cannot feel at all, but when you speak about this Dawn you sound like someone in love! You might not even notice it… But for me, you don't feel anything, right? So I cannot be her, and something is telling you just that…."

Golbez' lips felt dry all of a sudden and Leah's touch seemed to draw away all his strength…. "I'm-- I don't know--" It sounded empty...

"You don't know?" Leah slowly raised her head, gripping Golbez's hand even more tightly, bending forward to inspect his eyes, frowning, searching for something, some kind of truth in the dark blue of them… Her breath felt warm, nearly hot against his face and just as he thought that he would burn, there came the water; salty water pearling from her lips and moistening his… Her mouth met his carefully, with gentle pressure, drawing back before her teeth could brush against his involuntary opening lips.

"So, what did you feel?" she asked, breaking the moment abruptly and letting go of his hand.

"She… never kissed me… In fact, I have never been kissed before--" Golbez trailed off, his whole mind completely occupied with understanding the variety of feelings currently filling him--or more with drowning them and giving the blackness in his soul room once more. He tried to be angry, but didn't know why he should be, he tried to feel embarrassed, to feel uncomfortable, but there was something reigning in him right now that left no place for such emotions, something so bright that it nearly made him feel… hurt…

"That's not what I meant. It was my first kiss as well--well as far as my memory goes back which isn't much…" Leah seemed to be unaware of the suffering she had plunged Golbez into. "But this is not about kissing, _but about how you felt_! If I would be Dawn, I bet you would have felt something… something _good_…" She was visibly getting impatient with her travel companion's lack of understanding.

"Something good?" Slowly, the emptiness going out from Golbez's soul swallowed the vivid colours that just had filled his being, swallowing the light, the pain…"I… I'm not sure…"

"You don't know this, as well?" Was there only disbelief in her voice or also disappointment?

"Best forget all this. I just wanted--just forget it, okay? I'm sorry if I made you feel… whatever you felt. I'll really dry my clothes now and after that we should break up." She took a deep breath and tried to smile encouragingly. "If Tristan was right we should just be at the island where we wanted to be and maybe he and Edward have made it here, too. Now if this time you would _really_ turn around..."

"No, I'll go for a walk…" Despite the rain, Golbez felt that he needed some air. Before exiting the cave, though, the colour flared up once more inside of him.

"Leah?"

"Yes?" the woman was looking at him curiously.

"So, how did _you_ feel?" Golbez asked with a raised eyebrow.

She hesitated for a moment before answering. "Warm… and secure."

Golbez shook his head. The colours had faded to the grey mass, once more.

"Leah…" He took a deep breath and then, said very lowly, nearly sad: "Despite what I told you before, you should not feel secure in my company. This… this darkness is still in me, and I don't know if I can steer it if it breaks out--or if it can steer me. That's why I want--I _must_ return to the moon. I'm dangerous and you can never trust me…"

"But wasn't it trust you expected from me as you told me to change my clothes?" Leah replied very calmly, regarding him with wide, alert blue eyes.

Golbez shook his head. "That was something else. We're stuck here together and I told you that I have neither reason nor the want to hurt the people who travel with me. But I _could _hurt you… if... if this fire in me is just triggered enough…" He was not talking about the fiery crimson anger his soul harboured, but about another flame, a new flame that had been ignited already on the beach; a deep red fire that was so much harder to fight than the rage…

He bowed his head, suddenly feeling ashamed for the obvious lack of control he once more had to admit.

"We'll see about that…" Leah said as he left the cave.

For some reason, the tone of her voice made the hairs on the back of Golbez's neck stand up...


	12. Chapter 11: Vermilion truths

_Author's notes: Yay! Reviews! Thank you so much:) __And now for some true insanity:_

**Chapter 11**

**Vermilion Truths**

_"Anna ---" He reached for the burgundy locks, but the silky strands became liquid in his hands and stained his fingers carmine._

_"Why must love have the same colour as blood?"_

_Like she did nearly every night, she was looking at him with big, but dead eyes and still he preferred this sight over any living being during the day._

_"Why hasn't death the same colour as love? If everything was black, maybe I could follow her…"_

_/Don't follow me - turn back…/ Why was Anna's once so dulcet voice now so hard?_

_"Don't send me away, Anna… Don't you love me?"_

_He reached out for her, once more, this time touching the golden velvet folds of her gown - the material seeped into his flesh, making his hands feel like iron, but still he did not let go of her…_

_"I will not let you go…"_

_/You don't have to…/ _

_Finally, the dulcet voice was there again and Edward forgot about the heaviness of his limbs._

_/Don't ever let me go… Always stay with me…/ Anna's words sounded so sweet, but why was she crying then?_

_He reached for her hand to comfort her, but her flesh felt like it was made out of thin glass - before he could pull back, it broke into thousands of little shards, taking the rest of her slender figure with it in a shining, collapsing mountain… _

_Edward was left kneeling alone before the heap of the transparent, sparkling shards that once had been his love, his life… With trembling hands, he reached out for it like he had reached out for her before, taking hold of a crystalline splinter and closing his hand around it …_

_"Just to feel her lovely touch once more…" He watched, fascinated, as the shard buried itself in his flesh, blood staining the carmine of his skin even darker, the vermilion pain spreading slowly thought his veins, reaching his sight… _

He woke up with a start, uttering a little cry. Red… Why was everything red around him? Why was it so hard to breathe? He tried to slow his breathing down, blinking; still, the red would not vanish… Slowly, his senses achieved a sense for reality again and he perceived more… Leather... the smell of leather...

A second later, he realized that he was in the hovercraft, more exactly lying on his stomach on the red backseat of it. He pushed himself up with his arms and looked around: Sea, rocky mountains, grey sky…

"Edward? I can call you Edward, right?" Tristan called from a rocky slope that he was just sliding down from.

"You--" the fair haired bard began.

"Are you feeling well? Nothing's broken?"

"I--"

"Suppose not." Tristan had now reached the craft. "It was good luck the hovercraft went with us…"

"It--"

"And it even functions..."

Just then Edward gave up - even in his half sleepy condition, he had realized by now that Tristan was only posing questions for himself to answer.

"I wonder what happened to Leah and Golbez…" Tristan unbuttoned his vest and wrung it out.

This time, Edward did not even try to answer.

"Aren't you worried? Why are you not talking to me?" Tristan first gave Edward a skeptical look, then shifted it to his vest. "Great--now it's wet _and_ crumpled…."

Edward held a hand to his forehead and pushed some wet strands of hair away from it. "What happened? I remember water and--"

"Leah fell overboard, Golbez jumped after her and then we were hit by a big wave. I got hold of you and swam with you towards this island. And then the unbelievable happened: Just a bit away from the coast I spotted the hovercraft. So I thought, 'Tristan, BE a man, I mean more of a man than usual!'" He grinned before he cheerfully chattered on: "And I swam out once more, climbed into it and do you know what? It still functioned! Good thing I paid attention earlier to how you steered it. Thus, I was able to bring the craft to the beach and put you in it because this rocky surface is probably mighty uncomfortable to lie upon… So what do you say?" he asked, though his gaze seemed more to say: _What will you give me for saving you?_

Edward shook his shoulders. "Well, it means that we can get away here - wherever we are…"

"I believe it's the island we wanted to go to, anyway!" Tristan smiled. "Maybe Leah and Golbez were able to make it here, too!"

"Yes… Leah… Hopefully nothing has happened…" Edward hung his head - why did the dream seem to be so strangely real now?

"Hey, don't let yourself hang down! Think positive!"

_"Positive? I wish some of Tristan's strength would seep into me… Why--"_

"How do you do it?" Edward spoke out the thought, aloud.

Tristan looked at him confused, stopping to knead his vest. "What?"

"How do you do it?" The bard's expression distorted painfully as he tried to find words to build a question with. "Why do you never seem to be afraid? Why… why don't you seem to care? I always feel so helpless… Even now--where do you get your strength from? The strength to forget… the past?"

Tristan's look changed to something nearing earnest. "I don't need strength to forget the past as there's no past _I would have to forget_…"

"But I thought--"

"No, I'm not like Leah… Of course I remember my mom and the house where I grew up and that cat I had and my dad -- though I'm not sure if he really _was_ my dad… but one can never know these times, I think…" Tristan sighed, nearly bored. "But I don't think about these things often. Sure, they say that the past makes you into what you are in the present or something like that, but if that is so, why not concentrate on the present all along?"

"But if you love someone…"

Tristan uttered a laugh that couldn't be called anything else but disdainful.

"Listen, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I have problems understanding why people would grieve over a lost love… I mean of course no girl is the same. One might have been prettier than the others, one was so funny, the other maybe was especially good at-- at cooking…" he chuckled unequivocally, "and so on and so on… But if you're honest, it's all the same: A jolly good time with a clean place to stay, someone who tells you nice things and good… _cooking,_ that is."

"Then you have never loved…" Slowly, Tristan's attitude was sickening Edward.

"Maybe not." Tristan shrugged. "But if real love would mean that you always would dwell on the past, I wouldn't want to, anyway." It sounded full of conviction. "You live for today and you live for yourself and if another person can make today better for you than if you did it alone, grab her - er, I mean, take the chance."

Edward shook his head. "How… how can you be so cold? That's horrible… Have you never had something you wished to hold onto? Was there never something in your past that you regretted?"

"Regret?" Tristan's eyes got a distant look to them, although his voice was still as easygoing as ever. "If you ask me that way, then there's one thing which I _probably_ decided wrong, but…"

"But you had no choice?" Edward asked gravely. _"Life doesn't give you the opportunity to choose…"_

"No. I _gave_ myself no choice." Tristan explained proudly. "_That's_ how life goes - _my_ life at least." He put on his vest. "But talking about choices - I think you have no choice now but to take a look at this island together with me. Something might happen to you if you stay here alone. And maybe we'll find the others on our way - or even a treasure cave!"

Edward stumbled out of the craft. "If you really only think of your own well-being, then why did you help me?"

Tristan turned around, and pointing to Edward's royal cloak, he purred sweetly:

"Well, what do you think? Oh, by the way: Here's your lyre. Saved it from the water, as well. Glad that it's still in one piece, aren't you?"

"You want money…" Edward murmured. Suddenly, a terrible thought hit him. "Wait - you said that you swam out to save the hovercraft, but as Leah fell overboard you said that you couldn't swim!" He shivered. As if it wasn't enough that Tristan was avaricious and selfish, he now seemed to be a scrupulous murderer, as well!

The flaxen haired swindler swallowed visibly but still the smile did not leave him. "Hey, it's not what you think. I like this girl - she's pretty and she has no past which makes a lot of things… rather easy…" Tristan grinned mischievously, "but she can take care of herself and even if she didn't, Golbez swam after her, right? There was no need for me to waster my strength on either of those two. Sometimes you have to set priorities and aren't you glad that my priority was with you?"

"Or rather with my money…" Edward mused darkly, but could do nothing but follow Tristan on shaking legs. At least the other was no killer, just terribly cold… How could someone treat the past as ignorant like this man here did?

Edward remembered Leah's words. "_At least you have memories to hold on to…"_ Still lost partly in the dream of Anna, he wondered for the first time if he didn't hold on too much. A woman living without any memories and a man pretending that he never dwelled on the past both seemed happier than he was… But what should he hold onto instead? What Tristan lived for was beyond his understanding and to be honest, he didn't even _want_ to know more about the man… And Leah… She still had a past to find… And then there was Golbez, who had a past to forget, like he had… And Edward surely didn't want to end up like the dark wizard. Bitter, brooding, cynical…

_"Though I still have him to blame the death of my beloved upon… I wonder how it is for Golbez? Except Zemus, there is nobody he could blame other than himself…"_

It had been a long time since he had felt afraid for any other beings other than Anna or himself, but now a slight anxiousness overcame Edward. Not even worrying anymore about Tristan, he truly hoped that Leah and Golbez were still alive. There was a lot he had to ask them…

xOx

As Golbez and Leah broke up, the rain had lessened a bit - still the sky was a cloudy grey and the wind was blowing roughly. Since the kiss, no one had talked much to the other, though the atmosphere was not cold - Leah was smiling and Golbez had set up the mocking and haughty expression which was so common for himself.

As they reached the beach, they suddenly got aware that in the distance there was something red lying half buried in the sand.

"The hovercraft!" Golbez observed. "That could mean that Edward and Tristan are around here, as well." He approached the vehicle to inspect it. "It looks undamaged, meaning that we can use it to go back if we don't find anything here." Still studying the craft in a bent position, his eyes narrowed. "Have you by chance ever taken a look at Tristan's map, Leah? We might have to rely on your…" he tried to avoid the next word, but couldn't think of a replacement, "_memories_ of it to find the cave on this island…"

There was no answer.

"Leah?"

"I'm right here…" As Golbez turned around, Leah was indeed standing before him. She also had a sword pointed at his throat. _His sword_, as he growlingly noticed.

"I took it while you were taking the walk. And I've been practicing a bit." Playfully, she waved the blade around before Golbez's face, stopping just with the tip aimed at his forehead.

The wizard was unmoved. "How about aiding me with something constructive instead of fooling around?"

The sword went a bit closer. Leah's eyes were suddenly quite cold and serious; though her lips were still curved into a smile. "Come on, defend yourself!" she demanded.

"Leah, stop joking. I--" Golbez dodged a swing of the sword, which otherwise would have hit him in the shoulder.

"That is enough." He stated impatiently and wanted to grab for the weapon. Leah was faster though and quickly took a step back.

_"First the kiss and now this…"_ To call Leah's behaviour unpredictable was an understatement…

"Have you gone insane?"

Wordlessly, but still smiling, Leah launched another attack, which Golbez just barely dodged.

"What kind of a wimp are you? Are you holding back because I'm a woman, Mister _'I don't feel like other men'?_" Golbez had never experienced Leah teasing him like this before and her words did not fail to ignite anger inside his soul.

"Didn't you say that I had the air of someone used to fighting?" she shouted as she raised the blade for another blow. In fact, Golbez had to admit that she was handling the sword pretty well...

"Stop this play and give me the sword. Why should you attack me in earnest?" he asked with an outstretched hand, though stayed a safe distance to be able to dodge Leah's swings.

"Because I'm sick of this voyage and only want to leave this island without you? And my first attempt at drowning you failed miserably?" Her smile vanished as she lunged forward once more. "The truth is that I've faked my loss of memory and only want that such evil as yourself get eradicated from the face of the Blue Planet…" Her tone had become threatening. Still…

"I don't believe you." Golbez said, the amused look melting from his face. "You just want to test me, but believe me: This game is too dangerous for you."

"Fine - killing you will be all the easier if you don't want to defend yourself. Hiyahhh!" Once more Leah sprinted forward - this time, the side of the sword hit Golbez's shoulder.

"Do you want to make me angry?" Golbez boomed, hoping to frighten her, since the attack had been surprisingly strong…

Another swing hit him, nearly knocking him off his feet. _"She's not using the point of the sword…"_ Still, Golbez quickly picked up a washed up thick branch to defend himself.

"You want to fight with a stick? Shouldn't you use your magic instead?" Though the sword was heavy, Leah wasn't exhausted yet and she started another series of finely dealt blows which Golbez tried to defend with the weapon replacement in his hand.

_Crack._

Already the first contact with Leah's blade broke the branch with ease.

Golbez was feeling the anger inside grow, getting out of control; the red rage swelling and spreading… "Stop it - I might hurt you…"

Leah, who had so suddenly turned into an icily cold fighter just shrugged and smiled sweetly - her next few strokes were so quick that Golbez did not even see them coming - they were also well aimed and strong and the next minute he was lying on his back, Leah's sword pointed at his chest.

"Fine, you won. Is this what you wanted?" Golbez tried to get up, but the point of the sword was not wavering.

"I'll kill you now." Leah's voice was a whisper - it sounded so unlike her and slowly, Golbez began to doubt…

_"Why would she…"_

"Don't you want to defend yourself?" The sharp steel tip came nearer.

_"Only a little spell would be enough to knock her off her feet… Although even the weakest of my spells would hurt her considerably…"_

Why was he feeling so helpless all of a sudden?

"So you are a coward… Thought so…" she said with contempt.

"Leah, stop provoking me. I don't want to hurt you and I know that you don't want to hurt me…"

"Are you so sure?" Shocked, Golbez suddenly realized how the fabric of his shirt was cut… Only moments later it was his flesh--

"Leah!" He tried to get up once again, causing the point of the sword to penetrate his skin even more, cutting into his chest dangerously close to his heart.

Leah was looking down on him with cold eyes. "Maybe you even _want _to die?" The words sounded like poisoned sugar…

"Stop this!" The red swirl in Golbez grew, carmine-pure anger mixed with the vermilion pain Leah was inflicting on him.

_"Just a spell and she'll stop… I can't die now…"_

He could feel the magical energies building in him, driven by rage - he knew that he only had to snap his fingers to unleash a spell… And it would be powerful…

_"Too powerful…"_

_"Maybe I want to kill you because such evil as yours needs to be eradicated_…Was she serious? And what was he waiting for? Of course she was serious--the biting steel had now nearly reached his heart, the pain was slowly consuming him; he had not known that a simple cut could hurt so much, even now as the sword had yet only reached the top of his skin. But his heart--

"Stop… at… once…." The rage inside got stronger now, blurring his thoughts - there was only pain and hate, bright red and dull black, sucking him in -- he balled his fists, ready to unleash his most powerful spell:

"ME--"

"_It will kill her…"_

"--TE--"

_"She will be gone - like Dawn…"_

"…"

He never spoke out the final syllable, but watched helplessly how the sword was inexorably reaching its destination.

_"Why?"_

The roaring of the wind, the crashing of the waves and the beating of his heart in his ears, Golbez closed his eyes, awaiting the last pain he would ever have to feel…

"Hey! Leah! Golbez! What are you doing there?" A familiar voice mixed with the sounds around him.

The pain didn't come...

"You two are alive!"

As Golbez opened his eyes, Leah was smiling at him. She drew the sword back and held out a hand for him to take. "See, I told you wouldn't hurt me."

Golbez was staring palely and totally blankly up at her face, and at eyes which were once more filled with humour and warmth.

His throat felt dry: "You tried to kill me…" It sounded unbelieving.

The woman above him broke out into laughter once more. "Did you really believe me? Good. I just wanted to show you that you wouldn't hurt me even if your life depended on it."

"But… the blood…" Golbez looked down at himself, where his black shirt had been cut.

"I had to make it look genuine, didn't I? But it's only a little cut. It'll heal in time."

In fact, as Golbez looked closer, there was only a little blood dripping out - though the cut had hurt a lot more….

_"I wonder why…"_

"Why aren't you answering us? What's that for a welcome?" Tristan had reached the group by now, a very tired looking Edward behind him.

"Oh, I'm so happy that you two are well, though we figured out that much as we saw the hovercraft!" Leah flung the sword aside and could not help but to hug Tristan. She would have done the same with Edward, but the man shied away.

"What has happened here?" the bard asked nervously, not taking his eyes from Golbez on the ground. "Did he attack you?"

"No. It was just a game. And I won!" Leah smiled. "It was nothing - now that we're all together again, let's look for the cave, okay?"

Both Tristan and Edward were still eyeing their companions with confusion, especially as Golbez hadn't said anything until now. However, maybe this silence was just the reason why they didn't seem to mind the quick change of subject too much.

"We have found the entrance to a cave in that direction. Follow us." Tristan led the way.

"Coming in a second!" Leah nodded and stretched out her hand once more - this time, Golbez let himself be helped up as if in trance. He noticed once more by Leah's pull that this woman was not weak, at all.

"Are you angry?" she asked.

_"Angry? She attacked me with a sword, teased me and then asks if I'm angry?" _Fact was, though, that he wasn't… He was only feeling… relieved, though he hadn't yet figured out about exactly what or whom. It all had happened so fast…

"Of course I'm angry," he lied. "What were you thinking? I was short of unleashing _Meteo_…" The words came out less furious and more worried than intended.

Leah had obviously remarked this as well and her only answer was another, nearly innocent smile.

_"An innocence that doesn't suit her actions…"_

"Weren't you afraid?" he asked, watching her attentively.

"I presumed that you were up to no good when you spoke these strange words, though I didn't know that you were about to cast such a powerful spell…" For a moment, she sounded worried. "But I looked into your eyes and knew that you wouldn't hurt me…"

Golbez knew that she was speaking the truth - still it was a truth he did not want to accept. "Why? Why were you so sure? What have you seen in my eyes?"

Leah shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because I remind you too much of Dawn… Or…" She trailed off, blushing slightly and for the first time, Golbez realized that he was still holding her hand. He let go of it immediately.

"You caught me by surprise with your actions and can be happy that you came out of it alive…"

_"Truth is that you are the lucky one… Just one cut more and…"_

"I should be more furious, but there's no time for that. Just don't test your luck again. The next time, you might find another expression in my eyes," he told Leah curtly.

The silver haired woman was looking at him with amused, sea-blue eyes. "I understand." Was there a giggle? Before Golbez could study her expression better, the woman had turned on her heels and tried to catch up with Tristan and Edward.

Golbez looked after her and slowly, his eyebrow rose. _"She hasn't even apologized… She acts like nothing has happened…"_ To him, the whole experience would seem unreal, too--if it hadn't been for the slight burn on his chest. Had it really been only a test? Or had only Tristan's and Edward's appearance stopped her from finishing what she had begun?

_"My first attempt at drowning you failed miserably…"_

But she had saved him from the ocean, hadn't she? And if she really had been set on killing him, why did she take her time with the sword? With her sword skill it wouldn't have been a problem to kill him faster…

_"Kill me…"_ Could it really be that a simple woman like her had nearly succeeded in killing the Master Wizard Golbez?

_"You are an evil which needs to be eradicated…"_ Many people probably thought in such a fashion about him and in moments when the self-disdain got too strong and the guilt too suffocating, he was agreeing with them. Had this been the reason why he had not been able to unleash the _Meteo_ spell? He knew that he was lying to himself and that he only had held back because he had feared for Leah's life; feared for her life because she reminded him so much of Dawn… Or--

Wave after wave of painful doubts mixed with unfamiliar emotions crashing over him; feelings which were much more frightening and hurting than any memories of his past had ever been…Golbez's mouth turned into a bitter smile:

_"Maybe this is just the real punishment for my deeds and she knows that I deserve it…"_


	13. Chapter 12: Grey past

**Chapter 12**

**Grey past**

"So, what do you say, Ladies and Gentlemen?" Nonchalantly, Tristan bowed before the group with opened arms.

"I don't know what any gentleman would say, but _I'd_ say that it looks like a normal entrance to some cave." Golbez pushed aside Tristan and fearlessly set some steps into the black tunnel before them. After some minutes his dark figure loosened itself out of the shadows and came into view again.

"And? Does it go farther in?" Leah asked impatiently upon approaching him. On her way, she stumbled over some rock in the dim light of the cave and crashed against Golbez's chest.

The wizard winced.

"Uh oh… She has touched him…" Tristan hissed and theatrically held a hand before his eyes. The times he had just dared to give Golbez a _slap_ on the shoulder had not ended well.

Even Edward mustered the courage to defend the young woman. "Maste--I mean, _Golbez_, she didn't--"

He fell silent with a gasp, which caused Tristan to look again - Golbez had caught the woman around the waist and neither of the two made any attempt to break the accidentally close position.

Something fiery seemed to flare up inTristan's eyes; something which was proof of an emotion Edward was currently suffering under, himself… Was he really jealous? It couldn't be that. There was nothing he felt for Leah besides sympathy, but still…

_"I wish that he wouldn't touch her."_ Leah's form looked so lithe, so vulnerable. He felt the sudden urge to protect her from Golbez's hand, from this cold grip around her slim form.

_"If he hurts her…" _Edward's hands did something they had not done for a long time - they balled into fists.

"Can't you be more careful?" Golbez's voice sounded sharp like always.

_"Now it starts…"_ In that moment Golbez's words seemed nearly like the arrows which had plunged his fiancée into the deadly abyss, faster than any word, touch, kiss, any exhibition of the infinite love he had held for Anna that could have caught her fall.

Still, Edward couldn't bring himself to act, the inner strain petrifying him…Then, Leah's quiet laugh shattered part of the tension.

"I stumbled…" she said.

"I did notice that. I was talking about _this_…" With a nod, Golbez motioned towards her hand on his chest.

_"Hadn't he been hurt there?"_ Edward remembered the strange position they had found the two on the beach. He had felt confused then, the mixture of hostility but also a strange kind of agreement lying in the air, which was inexplicable to him. It just didn't fit together, just like now, a slight blush was colouring Leah's face, although her voice seemed to be underlined with malicious amusement.

"Does it still bleed? Soon it will stop and heal."

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "I do hope so. Just don't touch it…"

"I don't believe you." Leah poked at the place of the wound once more. "_I _think that you don't even want it to heal!"

_"Is she mad?"_ Edward was totally absorbed in what was happening, as was obviously Tristan.

As expected, the eyes of the wizard narrowed, but then there appeared a little smile on his lips. "You know - _she_ could fight like you and was straightforward like you, too…"

It was then that Leah loosened herself out of his grasp. "Really? Many people are that way…" She turned around and winked towards the others. "I bet Tristan knew such women, too."

"What? Err... Yes… Women…" The flaxen haired man had obviously not even heard the question and was looking at his companions with widened eyes. Edward noticed that the fiery burning had left them - as the smile had left Tristan's face.

"If anyone is still interested, the cave does go deep into the mountain. Tristan, King Edward, are you with us?" Golbez asked.

"_Us_?" To Edward, it slowly seemed like there some kind of game going on between Golbez and Leah, a game he didn't know the rules to…

"Of course we are with you! Riches await!" Tristan was already grinning again, though as they followed Golbez and Leah into the cave, he whispered towards Edward: "I wonder what really happened to them while we were away. I hope Leah knows what she's doing…"

The bard nodded; his hands still clenched.

xOx

_"So near…"_ Once again, Leah had been very close to him and it had felt so…strange…

No, 'strange' was the wrong word. Golbez's ability of self-analysis had pretty well concluded by now that he had actually _liked_ holding her. This woman was so different from other people, so unafraid even in a moment of weakness, so relentless even when concerned about something… or somebody.

_"I think you don't even want it to heal…"_ Maybe this was true - pain was making him feel alive, was making him feel at least _something_. Though it wasn't the physical pain that did so, but the mental one - the one which hurt heart and soul. In the moment as Leah had struck him with the sword, he had for just the fracture of second believed that she meant to kill him - and where had his thoughts been?

_Why must she of all people hate me for what I am?_

_Why must she of all people betray me?_

These details occurred to Golbez as he followed the long winding tunnels into the mountain, with a fire magic ignited stick giving them light.

He tried to ban those thoughts as best as he could, as they were part of a higher truth he didn't want to accept; no, didn't _deserve_ to accept. Besides what had he to do with the girl? Maybe she was Dawn, maybe not, but no matter who she was, he would only bring her sorrow if he got too close. There were more possibilities to hurt a person than raw strength, much more subtle ways: Cecil would probably have a lot to tell about this; Kain, who he had manipulated; Edward who he constantly mocked… Why was she still so bold?

_"It's like she does ignore my past."_

Then again, she did seem to know him very well…

_"I think you don't want to heal." _

He still could feel how she had pressed her hand on his heart, making the cut hurt once more and it involuntarily brought a smile upon his lips.

_"This girl is interesting. To say the least…interesting like she was…"_

But _no_ - his face darkened and turned bitter once more; _no_, he didn't want to heal because he did not deserve it - what right had he to find comfort in emotions if all he'd ever given the people was pain and disdain? The line between good and evil wasn't easy to draw, but in Golbez's eyes the line between guilty and innocent was--

_"You are guilty." _

And since no one else was going to sentence him, he had to do it alone as otherwise he would be even less able to bear his very existence…

_"Your sentence is to suffer."_

Still, right now Golbez wasn't sure if it wasn't just _suffering_ what Leah brought upon him:

Inflicting doubts with her words, inflicting pain with her actions.

Such sweet suspicion… Such sweet pain…

xOx

"I cannot go any further… This cave seems to lead into the mountain forever. Just leave me here," Edward's voice sounded weakly from behind.

"If you wish so," Golbez agreed coldly, not troubling himself with turning around. _"As if he would stay here alone in the dark tunnels…"_

Leah, in contrast, stopped. "Of course we won't leave you here! Isn't that right, Tristan?"

"What? Yes, yes, of course… Why don't we have a short break?" Tristan said, and without waiting for an answer, he slumped down on the floor with crossed legs. As always, if he had decided on anything, it was clear to the flaxen haired man that the others would follow.

And Leah and Edward only followed him too gladly, sitting down, as well.

With a sigh, Golbez halted and, sticking his torch into the soft ground, he leaned against the wall with folded arms, his usual stature when he wanted to "rest". As he gave an annoyed glance to his sitting companions, he noticed that Leah was grinning at him and whispering something in Tristan's ear, causing the young man to laugh.

_"Am I that funny?"_ Golbez frowned, at the same time wondering about when he had started to _care _about what other people thought of him.

"Well, at least it's dry in this cave. Still I hope that we'll reach its end, soon…" Edward murmured.

"It's not far anymore," Leah said, and then added quickly, "I think…"

However, Tristan had already caught the hint. "Do you remember this place?"

Leah's blue eyes wandered towards the ground. "I don't know… I mean, it's just a cave - there could be many others like this one and--" she shook her head, "Sorry, I don't want to talk about it until I've sorted things out… It was just a feeling…"

"Hey - never press on the secrets of a lady!" Tristan smiled and then started to rummage through his pockets. "Are you thirsty, as well? I think I still have--there!" Triumphantly, he pulled a flask out of his pocket, opened the cork and sniffed at it. "Ahh…" A wide, nearly goofy smile spread across his lips. "Here, have a try!" He waved the flask before Leah's eyes.

"What's in it?" Leah regarded the bottle warily.

"It's a secret! But I assure you that it only contains the best ingredients!" Tristan set up his most convincing face.

"I don't know…" Leah frowned. "You look like the type of man who would try to make women drunk!"

Golbez grinned in his corner.

Tristan feigned innocence, in which he was good at, as always. "What, _me_? Never! Besides one couldn't fool such a smart girl as you! Here, Edward will take a sip, too, to show you that it is completely harmless!"

The King of Damcyan shifted uneasily. "Well, I don't--"

"Hey - what would Leah think of you?" Tristan murmured towards the young King. "Don't be a coward!"

That did it. Immediately, Edward grabbed for the flask and took a sip.

"Doesn't taste... too... bad…" were his last words before he had a coughing fit.

Leah patted him on the back. "Hey, are you alright?"

"He probably just choked…" Tristan calmed her. "Try it yourself - it tastes good."

He waved the flask for such a long time before her face that Leah started to feel dizzy and nearly fell backwards; a moment Tristan used to get on top of her -- or better, _would have_ used, if Golbez hadn't caught him at the backside of his collar and had pulled him back.

"Stop your silly games," the longhaired wizard said icily, trying to ignore Leah's attentive and slightly amused stare.

"I didn't do anything! Since when are you so protective?" There was an angry undertone in Tristan's voice, which Golbez had never heard before and the dark wizard tightened his grip.

"I'm not being protective; I just don't think that it is necessary to serve chocobo piss or whatever you have in this flask of yours to us in the middle of some strange cave!"

Tristan put thebottle back into his pocket, which was not an easy task in his current position. "Hey - _who_ got drunk in Kaipo? Besides Leah doesn't have any memory she could forget through a hangover, right?"

"Tristan!" Leah reprimanded him.

"Okay, okay… That wasn't a good joke. I'm sorry. So could you stop strangling me now, Golbez?"

"Please, let him go… We all know Tristan's understanding of humour," Leah tried to intervene.

"A lack of understanding, that is…" Snorting, Golbez let go of Tristan, whose first worry was about his looks and thus about straightening out his clothes. He was getting bold again rather quickly.

"All this fuss just about a little liquid… Did you never take a little victory drink after… let's say... a successful destruction of sometown?"

Only Leah's imploring stare was keeping Golbez from grabbing the young man again. By now, the dark haired wizard had long understood that this "fuss" was not about a drink, but of course about _her_.

It was a game he could not win, did not even dare to win.

"Just take a sip…" Tristan took the flask out of his pocket, again.

But he could make the swindler lose...

Under the lurking gazes of both Tristan and Edward, Golbez was about to reach for the bottle.

"Will you stop it!" Leah's calm amusement was now mixed with annoyance. "You're behaving like there is a contest going on about me! Past or no past - I may not know who I am, or where I belong, but that doesn't mean that I'm feeling so desperate that I urgently need male company! We should better break up now - we did enter these tunnels for a reason, right? And as far as I remember it had not much to do with me." She jumped to her feet.

Her remark, though spoken out with a smile, made sure that there reigned an embarrassed silence between her three companions as they followed her…

xOx

Leah's former supposition had been right - not too long afterwards, the tunnel led into an oval cave with a strange device in the middle of it.

"It looks like some kind of magical transport… But weren't you looking for a spell, Sir Tristan?" Edward asked.

Tristan shrugged. "The descriptions were rather vague… Then again the cave seems to go in much deeper--" He pointed towards a tunnel at the other end of the cave.

"I don't think that we need to linger here any longer. I should have assumed that the Lunarians would know better than to write down a teleport spell on a transitory piece of paper. This machine surely stands here for a reason. Now we just need to conclude how it functions." Golbez looked around the room.

"Maybe one just needs to stand on it?" Edward proposed.

"I'll try it."

Leah stepped in Golbez's way. "You don't know where it's gonna take you!"

"No matter where, the most important thing is that it takes me away from… you…" Golbez pushed the woman aside, carefully. Her concern was making him feel sick. Sick and guilty, because he had brought Leah as far as actually worrying about him.

_"You shouldn't waste your feelings on me…"_

The first of his black boots was short of reaching the circle when suddenly a bright flash blinded him, bathing everything in a radiant white. Golbez had to shield his eyes - a low humming suddenly seemed to fill the air.

_"I know this noise…"_

The hum got louder and louder, filling every fiber of his body, filling every space in the white around him, still getting stronger and stronger until it suddenly lessened again, becoming quieter, changing…

Changing into a voice…

_"Golbez… Finally."_

That voice… So old… So wise….

So reprimanding?

"FuSoYa?" Golbez fought against the brightness, not daring to open his eyes.

"Look at me, Golbez. Still afraid of the light, I see. It will not hurt you."

Suppressing a cynical response, Golbez blinked - indeed no light was blinding him. Instead, he beheld a vision of pure white, which seemed to fill the whole space around him.

"Good boy." The figure before him was as Golbez remembered - a short, rather portly old man, who nearly disappeared behind a mass of white hair and beard. His little green eyes were looking as full of knowledge as always -- and as always seemed to pierce through him. Frowning, Golbez noticed that he and FuSoYa were alone.

It was like the Lunarians had read Golbez's thoughts: "Right now I'd prefer to appear before you, only. Before you get impatient, and I know that you get impatient quickly, child, so let me tell you about this place. Have you never wondered how the Lunarians came to the Blue Planet?"

"It is widely known that they traveled in the Big Wha-"

"This was a rhetorical question, boy, let me talk."

Golbez had to admit that FuSoYa did not fail to instill a certain… respect in him. The old man possessed something Cecil had as well - some kind of calm, inner power and in Golbez's eyes strength in any form was a force to respect, although he was always careful not to carry his awe too openly around. Thus, Golbez's forehead laid itself in indignant frowns - as surprising as FuSoYa's sudden appearance was, the development of this dialogue, which had already turned into a _monologue,_ wasn't…

_"The old man hasn't changed at all…"_

"Of course we used the Big Whale, but in times when the moon and the Blue Planet existed side by side, also this device was built to enable Lunarians to teleport between the two worlds. It functions similar to the Serpent Way, only that it covers a much greater teleporting distance. In time, this location became forgotten, since it was handled by the Lunarians as a great secret: People on the Blue Planet should never find a way to reach the moon, unless they were chosen to raise the Whale."

"Like my brother…" Golbez threw in.

"And like you. This is why I am here. You must go to Mysidia, help me to raise the Great Whale once more and then--"

He was disrupted by Golbez's bitter laugh. "But _of_ _course_. Uncle, this is starting to sound like a mission. Are you sure that this teleportation device functions correctly? Maybe the one you _really_ wanted to appear before is my brother. You know, the one who has saved the Planet before -- _from me_. The only place I should go back to is the moon."

FuSoYa frowned. "You have not lost your humour, I see… One human trait more about you, as is your before mentioned impatience. After you have raised the Whale you can return to the moon if you wish so, but don't you know --" he shook his head. "Forgive me, child, of course you do not know why we want to raise the Whale. Sometimes I forget that you are just a Half Lunarian and thus have not the insight of the Lunarian Elders."

"Believe me, when I behold the destructive power I'm able to wield, _I _sometimes forget that I'm just a Half Lunarian, too…" Golbez remarked darkly.

"You are as bitter as ever. I had hoped that you would use your unwanted stay here on the Blue Planet to learn something from your brother or the people around you," FuSoYa uttered, accompanied by a long, sad sigh.

"When I'm back on the moon you will have all eternity to lecture me. Right now, it would be nice if you would let me into some of your _elderly insight,_ " Golbez snapped. "Can you tell me why the moon has returned? That wasn't the doing of any humans, I suppose?"

"No, it wasn't," the old Lunarian cleared his throat, studying Golbez with a sharp glance. "You see, the Lunarians, the crystals and the moon with its crystal core - they're all connected. That is why only people with Lunarian blood can raise the Whale... And now someone "called" the moon here… The call had an immense strength and--" he suddenly trailed off.

"So it must have been someone originally from the moon - a powerful Lunarian… You don't want to say--" Anger was rising within Golbez. "_His_ soul is still alive and wants to return, right?"

"Listen Golbez, we can only assume that it is Klu Ya's doing--"

"It's my damn father's fault that I'm stuck on this planet, once again?" There it was again - this other flame, this biting, burning, consuming red eating at his soul…

"Child, calm yourself! Or do you want to give the dark power control over you again!"

"I am no child! My nature is not innocent! The dark power has never left me - and the longer I stay here, the more difficult it gets for me to contain it. Let us bring this to an end -- I'm returning with you to the moon right now!"

_"Cecil… Sorry for lying… Leah… Now I'll never know the truth…"_

In this moment, however, Golbez's fear was stronger than these regrets, stronger than what he felt for anybody. It was the fear of the rage FuSoYa's words had invoked in him, a rage that was unbearable in its intensity… He wanted to get away, get somewhere, _anywhere_ to escape what was filling his soul right now…

"You cannot return to the moon this way. Nor can I." FuSoYa said calmly.

"Why?" Golbez thundered.

"Our recent uses of the teleportation device have used it up."

"What?" Slowly, the grey returned to Golbez's soul, and with it the ability of observation. "What do you mean 'our'?"

"Golbez, I fear that you are in danger the longer I use this spell. Someone next to me followed you - a Lunarian named Ko Min, probably inclined on killing you. Be careful, as we do not know if he hasn't already won others for his cause." FuSoYa regarded him thoughtfully. "More explanations have to wait for later. My spell is already weakening. I feel tired and my powers are not what they used to be… "

_"Hasn't he slept enough on the moon?"_

Golbez's mouth turned into a mocking smile despite the fact that something about FuSoYa's explanation had filled his soul with unrest.

_"Others…"_

"I know what you think, but I'd like to see _you_ after a decade of sleeping on a hard crystal bunk," FuSoYa went on. "But this is not the place for such considerations, either. More important is that we get to a safer location, quickly. This cave does not only contain this teleport system, but also another one which leads to Mysidia, the point where Lunarians and humans first met. I pray that this device still has enough power to bring you and me to the town. I will await you there at the local drinking establishment."

"Await you at the tavern? Why don't we go together and put this behind us as soon as possible?"

FuSoYa took a deep breath and began to wave a warning finger in front of Golbez's nose. "Don't tell me that you want to leave your companions behind? Have you really learned nothing?"

"I--"

"I'm too old to travel with you all - I have my own pace. It might be good for you to continue your journey with Edward, the young witty man and… what was the name of the girl?"

"Leah…"

"Yes. Very pretty…" FuSoYa smiled. "Reminds me of a young Lunarian I--"

The white light around him turned cold as a cruel thought went through Golbez's head; feeding the former unrest with icy corroboration.

"Didn't you say that I was in danger? There is no time now for romantic memories…" he cut FuSoYa short.

"I presumed that you wouldn't have any sympathy for this kind of subject. But you are right - we should make haste." Frowning, FuSoYa turned to go and slowly the white dispersed. It seemed to Golbez as if the old man spoke some last words to him, before the colours returned to the surroundings, something which sounded full of grief, but he was too deep in thoughts to listen even to his companions, whose voices now reached his ear once more.

"Golbez? Golbez? What's the matter? Why don't you answer? What was this flash just now?" Finally, some words came through clearly to him -- they were Leah's.

_"Can it be possible? It all fits together. She knows this island - and the cave. She's confusing you… to kill you?"_

_/Maybe you are an evil that needs to get eradicated from the face of the planet…/ _

Any suspicion he had ever held regarding her was no longer sweet pain, but burning, piercing and bitter.

It truly hurt.


	14. Chapter 13: Violet violence

**Chapter 13**

**Violet violence**

Golbez was leading the way with lengthy, fast steps.

"Why the sudden hurry? What exactly did FuSoYa tell you? Is there a new danger threatening the Blue Planet? Has Zemus returned?" Edward panted, trying to keep up with the group.

"If he returns, I'll be sure to let you know first. But I can reassure you that _I _am still the only threat here," Golbez snapped. He had told his companions about the meeting with FuSoYa, but had not let slip one word about Ko Min.

_"Could she really be in league with him?" _The longer he thought about it, the more doubts surged up in him. What if Ko Min has chosen Leah because she resembled Dawn? Could this Lunarian even know about her? He had to ask FuSoYa a lot of questions…

"So this tunnel system leads to Mysidia after all! I told you that you could trust me!" Tristan triumphed. Golbez would have expected that the swindler would sound more annoyed, seeing that until now they hadn't found any treasure, but then again, he was probably looking forward to--

"You will give me the money when we have reached Mysidia, right?" grinned the thief.

"You know that I don't need you any longer to reach it, right?" Golbez retorted.

"Since you are going to the moon anyway, you won't need the money anymore - so why don't you do something useful with it?"

"And the _something_ _useful_ is you, you little--"

"Golbez…." Leah's voice interrupted him gently. "Will you really leave the Blue Planet? Isn't it a bit early to decide such a thing?"

"I will go - it is not a decision to do so, but a necessity," the dark haired wizard replied.

"Why?"

Golbez stopped to look at her. "Isn't this obvious?"

"If the past is too painful, you can only run away from it…" Edward murmured, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I am not running away! What do you know of the grief I--" As he beheld the bard's gaze, Golbez quieted his voice. "My mistake. Of course you know enough of grief… But then you also know that you get weary of life… that at some point you don't feel anymore… be it through grief or guilt."

Edward gave no reply, but bowed his head, ashamed.

"Your talk -- the talk of all of you is really making me sick." Leah shook her silvery locks vehemently. "You constantly feel sorry for what happened in the past, for what you failed to do and for what you did!"

"I'm not!" Tristan announced with raised finger.

She whirled around. "You don't care about anything much except money, Tristan. The point is that I have nothing to grieve about, no guilt to carry and still _I wish I had_! I--ah, it's no use right now… Let's get out of here, okay? Maybe someone in Mysidia will be able to help me…" She stomped forward, lost in her thoughts.

Tristan rolled his eyes. "Women…They are always so unpredictable!"

In that moment, Golbez wished that Leah was just that.

Just an unpredictable woman.

xOx

"Leah, do you really mean what you said? That you'd rather carry the grief of the past than having no past at all?" Edward asked softly, out of the hearing range of Golbez and Tristan.

"I--" Leah bit her bottom lip. "No, I would not want to carry such a grief as you do, though your grief is certainly also connected with fond memories, right? I heard your lyre play on the beach. Was the song about her?"

"You heard it?" Edward looked at her, surprised. "Well, I guess every song I do is about her and for her…"

"I thought so. But you should play for yourself, not for her."

"For myself?" Edward exclaimed, upset. "You sound like Tristan who is always only thinking about his own well being--"

"No, I didn't mean it that way," Leah placated him. "You should play it for yourself to remember what wonderful times you had with Anna - that such great love as the one between you two could exist. And drawing strength out of it, you could play the song for someone else, someday. Your music is beautiful - it should be used for the living…"

Her words were confusing Edward and he decided on a light approach. "Golbez thought that the song was trashy."

Leah sighed. "What do you expect? Golbez is so afraid of feelings that of course he would hate music."

"Afraid? I thought that was my role…"

The silver haired woman regarded him friendly. "I don't know much about you, but you don't seem afraid… To live out one's grief so much, not to forget like Tristan would do and find easy comfort in life - you are taking the hard road in life and are just standing in the middle of it. But you are afraid to walk down the line--"

"Or going back. I abandoned my Kingdom…"

"Yes, but to go against the exceptions of others is something I would call courage, too." She suddenly averted her gaze. "Just as Golbez is still thinking that I'm Dawn and I don't know if--" She looked at him with wide, seriouseyes. "You knew her, too, right? Am I really like her?"

"I--I cannot really tell. But you speak… interesting things…" For some reason the talk with Leah was making Edward feel buoyant - an emotion he had not experienced for what seemed ages to him. "I… I really hope that you will find out who you are…" he said, a small smile crossing his face.

"Maybe I already know…" Leah murmured, then pointed forward: "Look, Tristan and Golbez have found another teleportation device. Finally… I'm really sick of these caves - they are giving me a headache!" She fastened her steps.

"_Going down the hard road_… _Maybe I should do just that - continue walking… and see what awaits me at the end."_ Still, a soft voice in Edward's soul was holding him back:

_/Play another song for me, Edward./_

xOx

To everyone's relief the teleportation machine was still usable and functioned similar to the Serpent Way. The device spat them out in a small cave, where they were greeted by crisp, fresh winter air, which had had forced its way through the cave entrance; a harbinger of the cold snow falling outside.

"Ugh… I'm not used to traveling in such a way. Somewhere along the lines I thought that I would puke…" Tristan stumbled forward and fell on all fours into the white flakes on the ground. "Just one word: Camp."

"That will have to wait for later. I want to speak with FuSoYa, first. See - the town is not far away." Golbez crushed Tristan's one hope - and wakened another one in Edward.

"Does this mean that we get to spend the night in a room in the inn?"

"For you, this certainly will be the case. I should not dwell longer than necessary in Mysidia, as I'm certainly not welcome there. After the meeting with FuSoYa I will immediately set out for Mt. Ordeals. Alone."

"But--" Leah wanted to protest, but was cut short by Tristan.

"Hey, we all know that our Master Wizard here can be fickle. At least right now, he still needs our help - or better, _my_ help."

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "And why would that be?"

"Well, someone needs to get hold of some discreet clothing for you and King Edward. Or were you thinking about walking into town without any disguise?" Tristan inquired, grinning.

Sighing, Golbez had to admit once again that his nerve-shattering companion had a point…

xOx

Pulling the hood further over his face, Golbez entered the tavern. He didn't know how the swindler had gotten hold of the wide dark magician cloaks for him and Edward and just hoped that theft hadn't been involved in Tristan's methods of obtaining. After all, he wanted to bring as little attention to the group as possible.

_"Although I wonder why a disguise like this one is supposed to be discreet…"_

However, whereas in any other town a hooded group of people would have certainly stirred up mistrust, the local dress code in Mysidia consisted of long, wide and covering clothes. The only ones who sometimes attracted attention were Leah and Tristan, since they were still clothed in their usual attire.

Tristan didn't seem to mind the interest of the wizards much, though, and calmly surveyed the smoky room. "I bet all these wizards here have magical treasures they are just burning to loose!" Businesslike, he started rubbing his hands together.

"The only thing burning will be you if you decide to mess with them," Golbez grumbled. "No gaming or other mischief while I'm away."

"Geez, aren't we protective again…" his flaxen haired companion grimaced.

"You are going to speak to FuSoYa alone? Do you like keeping secrets before us?" Although Edward still tried to act careful in Golbez's presence, he couldn't hide his discontent.

The dark wizard shot the other an annoyed glance. "Let's say that I'd… like to keep you safe and sometimes it is safer not to know some things. No offence meant to you, Miss Coven." He turned around, interested in her reaction -- only to find out that she was gone.

"Where has she disappeared to all of a sudden? I could swear that she was next to me when we entered the tavern…" Edward looked around.

Golbez's eyes narrowed darkly. "She probably has gone to find out something about her past… I'm sure that she will return when her… _research _has ended. I will look for FuSoYa now. Keep an eye on our friend here, will you, King Edward? He is already trying to work his mundane charms on the local magic users…"

He motioned towards Tristan, who was already deeply involved in a conversation with the red clothed wizard behind the bar.

Edward nodded. "I think he just wants to order a drink, but I'll still try to take care of-- Golbez?" His travel companion had disappeared...

xxx

Swiflty, Golbez made his way towards the darkest corners of the establishment, his thoughts not on the meeting with his uncle, but on Leah...

Had she gone to meet up with Ko Min? To plan her next attack? Of course, he shouldn't jump to conclusions, but…

_"I will ask FuSoYa about it."_

"Ask me about what?" It was _his_ voice and Golbez expected the white to blind him again, but the inside of the tavern was as dull, smoky and dark as before.

"Come over here, child," the order sounded from a table in the corner.

"So you are using the local clothing trend to your advantage as well, I see…" Golbez grinned as he sat down next to the hooded figure.

"The Mysidians believe that appearances only confuse - it is the inside, the mind and the heart of a person that tells the truth about them," FuSoYa explained. "It is something you should think about sometimes."

"Uncle, I can assure you that my outer appearance completely fits my inner world. But you surely haven't come to teach me lessons about style, have you? So, would you be so kind as to explain to me why the Lunarians want me to raise the Great Whale? And who is this Ko Min who followed me?"

_"Maybe she has nothing to do with all this…"_

FuSoYa lay back in his chair like an old man who was about to tell his grandchildren a story.

"Golbez, the Lunarians have long accompanied the humans and have aided them with their knowledge. However, it were inhabitants of the Blue Planet and not Lunarians that beat Zeromus… We, the Lunarian Elders, have begun to realize that times are changing and that humans may be more independent than we believed." The old man ignored the frown building on Golbez's face. "More so, that an evil as Zeromus appeared from our very midst was a sign that maybe our people had neglected the Lunarian development for too long, that we, the superior race, were too sureof ourselves, too sure that evil could never grow in the minds and hearts of us "wise" people. But it did and as a consequence we decided to continue our endless sleep after the defeat of Zeromus and to leave the orbit of the Blue Planet. Thus, we hoped to protect the humans from any more evil coming out from the moon."

"But still, the moon returned once again - driven by Klu Ya's force…" Golbez accentuated the name sharply. "And I should have slept endlessly, but now--"

Out of the black depths of the hood, FuSoYa's green eyes flashed him a look of annoyance. "Child, this is not about you, nor about your father. No matter who brought the moon back, the point is that we Lunarians, despite our great powers of the mind, are once more dependent on the help of people like you or your brother. Golbez - the time of the glorious Lunarian race is long gone and the Blue Planet does not need us any longer… Especially we, the Elders, are tired of protecting something we cannot protect. So, we should leave now. That is at least my opinion. However, there are others who think that the Lunarians are indeed an advanced race and that the fault for the problems the Lunarians caused the Blue Planet lies solely with characters like Zeromus or--"

"Me." Golbez concluded hoarsely.

FuSoYa nodded. "That is correct. This is why Ko Min has followed you - he is a traditionally oriented Lunarian who does not want to accept that our time here on the Blue Planet draws near, once more. By killing you, he wants to prove that we Lunarians can very well take responsibility for our… creations and in you, he sees a threat that is too dangerous to be left on any of the two worlds."

"I understand his motivation." Golbez's eyes were unreadable. "And you are here to--"

"My real mission is to find out why the moon has returned and send it back on its real orbit. Also, I am here to ensure that all Lunarians, including Ko Min and your father, if he is still alive, return to the moon to embark on the final voyage."

_"Forever sleeping…"_

"For this we need to raise the Great Whale once again - not only to take us back to the moon, but also to destroy the last bridge between the Blue Planet and our home, now, that the teleport in Damcyan's cave is of no use anymore."

_"The cave… Tell him about Leah…"_

"Speaking of that: How did you know that you would find me there?" Golbez asked instead.

"We didn't." Fu So Ya explained. "Only through Ko Min's escape we remembered the location of the transportation device. You cannot believe how many things you forget when sleeping too much... It is a nearly impossible coincidence that you were looking for the device, too. Originally, we were just hoping that your brother would raise the Great Whale once more, knowing that you wished to return to the moon." A strange sadness was filling the old man's voice. "Speaking of that, I can inform you that the Lunarian council has officially given me permission to take you back with me, if you want. You stressed often enough that you wanted to continue your endless sleep and this time it _will_ be endless if you wish. After the moon loosens itself out of the Blue Planet's orbit, we will make sure that it will never return again. The time has come for the human race to exist without us - we have left our heritage in people like your brother."

"I understand…" Golbez murmured, lost in the sound of the word "endless".

_"Endless sleep… The end of endless suffering…" _

"So, one last time we need your help in finding the reason why the moon has returned. I might be a magic user but I'm not used to living here - Ko Min is cunning and I would probably be no match for him…" Indeed, Fu SoYa looked weary. "You should not underestimate him, as well. He wields powerful white magic and we cannot say if he travels alone. He is skilled in the powers of the mind and the tongue as most of us - it shouldn't be difficult for him to find helpers for his cause - especially as many people on the Blue Planet are probably… not _content _with your existence here," he explained with unusual carefulness.

However, Golbez was not interested in the things he knew anyway, but in the things he didn't…

_"Ask him about Leah…"_

"Child? Do you still have questions? If not, you should go and help your companions. Your friend, the young King, is just about to get tricked by one of these transformation mages…" FuSoYa informed Golbez.

"No… no. No questions. I will leave then and clear things with Klu Ya once and for all." The dark haired wizard rose.

"Wait!" FuSoYa tried to hold him back. "One last thing: Remember that the truth may not be what you think it to be…"

"That's nothing new…" Golbez grumbled darkly and, without looking back, made his way towards Edward.

The young King of Damcyan was currently getting worked on by a blue haired dancer clothed in a revealing leotard.

"If you just close your eyes, all your worries will disappear!" she purred.

"Uh… Really?" It wasn't clear if Edward was confused or fascinated.

"You'd better come with me, unless you want to spend your life rolling in the mud and eating potato peels…" Under the angry muttering of the dancer, Golbez sighed and pulled Edward with him towards the exit of the tavern.

"What?" The bard looked at him with big eyes. "She was one of these mages in disguise? Cecil told me about them, but this one was so friendly..." A heavy blush coloured his face.

"Well, I guess that it is only natural for humans to react to a pretty lady like her…" Golbez noted dryly.

"What? No, I would never… I mean I-- I'm not like--" Edward got so worked up that he could only talk in fragments. "If there's anyone who is reacting to pretty women it's-" Biting down on his lip, the bard fell silent without ending the sentence.

Golbez hadn't listened to him, anyway, being busy with finding Tristan. "You might be interested to know that my business here is finished!" he called over to the young man, who grabbed a little bag from the bar before joining Golbez and Edward.

"What has the old Lunarian told you? Are we under attack by a foreign race?"

"Even if we were, I'm sure that you would only see the lucrative possibilities in it… I hope that this isn't some money you cheated out of the barkeep." Golbez pointed towards the little pouch.

Tristan gave him a hurt look. "Although _I am_ in need of some money, since _you still haven't given me my share_, these are just herbs. I bought them in case somebody gets bitten again by something so that I can--"

"Sell them to the person?" A female voice asked cheerfully.

"Leah… where were you?" Golbez asked and to his surprise his voice sounded hoarse.

"I went to the Mysidian archives to look up some names in the name registers stored there… Sadly, I found no record of a person named Leah in the last thirty years…" the young woman explained surprisingly calm. "I hope you had more success. Have you talked with your uncle, Golbez? Is he still here?"

The dark wizard turned around - the table in the corner was empty. "No, he has already left…"

_"Left like the opportunity for me to ask him about Leah."_

Golbez turned to look at her, at her encouragingly smiling face, at her silverly, snowflake-covered locks which were partly hiding her eyes, but couldn't conceal the brilliant, bottomless blue of her gaze.

_"No." _He didn't want to know.

Still, he could clearly feel how the uncertainty was feeding on him, feeding on his patience, feeding on his control...

"Why are you looking at me like that? Are you feeling unwell? Since you met your uncle in the cave you behave...strange... " Leah regarded him, frowning.

"It is nothing. All the… revelations FuSoYa explained to me are just a bit… surprising," Golbez replied without showing any emotion. "I now have another reason to go to Mt. Ordeals. I have to find out if KluYa is responsible for the return of the moon and, if so, to reverse the process so that all remaining Lunarians can continue their sleep - this time forever."

"So the Lunarians will leave the Planet for good... Cecil will be interested - and sad to hear this," Edward remarked quietly.

"I do hope that he will understand the necessity of this step. And I fear that you will have the honour of explaining all of this to him, King Edward, as I won't be around anymore when the moon has left the orbit… with me." Golbez said.

The bard shook his head bitterly. "But I - I'm not sure if I will return to Baron, soon. I don't know where I should go - I feel out of place in Mysidia, too… "

"King Edward, a Kingdom is waiting for you. It would be better to take the transport to the cave in Damcyan and take the hovercraft back to the coast. As you all should do." Golbez's eyes were only on Leah, but he couldn't say whether the look she gave him was sad or angry or meant something else altogether…

"Can't we talk about our future plans tomorrow?" Tristan yawned. "I am tired and no matter if you really want us to go or not, no amount of money in the world will make me travel today with this stomach turning device once more." For a moment, he looked awake, again. "And then there's still the matter of the payment."

"I agree with Tristan - at least when it comes to teleporting once more, today." Leah now joined into the discussion.

This wasn't like Golbez had planned it. "Well, then why don't you take a room at the inn and I--"

"Your concern, if it is concern, is considerate, but for once I will prefer a cold, hard bed in some cave over staying the night in a town," Edward said. "The Mysidians are too creepy for my taste - they are either trying to cast a spell on you or trying to poison you, like they did with Cecil."

"So it's decided - let's set up camp near the teleport cave in the woods." Leah smiled, though it looked slightly pained.

Golbez wanted to protest before it was too late, but his companions had left the tavern before he could say anything… Or had wanted to say.

_"Maybe it is better to live with the suspicion for some time longer… than to live without anything at all…"_

xOx

"While you try to get things a bit cozy here, I'll collect some wood - we will need every bit of warmth we can get in this cold..." Not long after they had reached the cave side in the snowy woods, Leah disappeared into the bushes.

_"Why the hurry?"_ Golbez raised an eyebrow while looking after her, although he had not much time to brood about this, as Tristan had decided that it was now payment time.

One hour of annoying negotiations and several fits of rage on Golbez's side later, Leah still hadn't returned, although neither Tristan, who was busily counting the money, nor Edward, who was lost in his own world and was watching dreamily how some icicles hanging from a branch were melting, were obviously concerned about that. They didn't even seem to notice when Golbez left the camp site, following Leah's trail through the soft snow.

It didn't take long until he spotted her from afar, her back turned to him, a clear view of her surroundings partly blocked by the white laden trees of the forest.

_"What is she doing? It doesn't look like collecting wood…"_

Then his ears caught Leah's voice.

"I haven't told him yet…"

_"In this wilderness with whom could she talk with, except--"_ Now there was clearly a male voice talking.

"I see… Maybe it is better that way. Oh -- it seems that we have company..." Then there was a rustle - and a piece of blue disappeared in the bushes. Golbez lost no time, storming forward wordlessly, nearly running over Leah.

"Golbez, what are you doing here?" she cried out, startled.

_"I was right…"_ Disappointment rose within him, mixed with rage; dead, cold rage.

"Where did he go?" Golbez grabbed Leah's wrist and whirled her around.

"That hurts! I told you not to do that again!" she protested. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me! I know that you were hired to kill me -- because you resemble Dawn, he chose you as a bait to confuse me!"

"Chose me? Are you mad? Let me go!" Leah tried to get out of Golbez's grasp, but it was like iron. Something seemed to have snapped in the black haired wizard, he could no longer think clearly and as he looked at her, her blue gaze seemed treacherous and false to him.

_"I need to know, now!"_

"Who was this man? Answer! It's Ko Min, isn't it?"

"I don't know his name! He… he said that he knew me... He told me… I can't... I don't want to talk about it... I'm confused..." Suddenly, tears were standing in Leah's eyes.

Golbez was too enraged to see them, still lost in the betrayal which seemed to be hidden in her eyes and his hand closed tighter around Leah's wrist, drawing the woman nearer to him with force. "He told you to kill me, right?"

Leah's tears did not flow, yet, as they were held back by the pain and the bitterness which was now filling her gaze. "Kill you? No… but… but maybe someone should. I… I thought that you were about to change… That you couldn't hurt me…"

Just then Golbez noticed for the first time that her hand felt slightly limp in his grip, how fragile her wrist was, how he could feel every single bone. Other details of perception returned to his consciousness and he suddenly got aware of the shining liquid standing in her shock widened eyes -- he let go of her immediately, seeing the look on her face change not to one of relief… but hate.

"Coward! Why don't you bring it to an end if you feel so intimidated by me? Even Tristan is better than you - he's at least not just talk, but also action! And Edward is at least not afraid about his own feelings! You mistrusted me all the way and were only a waiting for a moment like this, right? You don't even understand what-- Ah, it's no use - I wish I'd never met you!" The strength was leaving Leah, her tears now flowing; she turned around abruptly and, holding her hurting wrist, ran away. On her way, she crashed into Edward.

"Leah… and Golbez. Here you are. What's the matter?" the bard asked, worried. Leah only shook her head and stormed past him.

"Golbez, what has happened here?" Edward's voice was not as soft as it used to be. "Did you hurt her?"

The black haired wizard looked down at his hand. "Yes… I--" It sounded unbelieving.

"You… you damn--" Something seemed to have been triggered in Edward and with a furious expression, he approached the still rigid Golbez -

_Whack._

A fist which had been aimed for Golbez's nose hitthe wizardin the mouth - although it wasn't astrong blow, it still was enough to knock him from his feet and make his lip bleed.

"Edward?" Even forgetting to raise an eyebrow, Golbez touched his swollen upper lip, before looking up at the bard. The young man was panting heavily, his fists still balled, his expression half afraid, and half in rage.

"Leave her alone! It's enough that you destroyed my life, that you killed Anna and many others, that you fought against your brother!"

Golbez wiped away the blood on his lip with the back of his hand, trying to regain part of his façade in raising his eyebrow... "I know that my guilt is--"

"Don't talk about this damn guilt! _Your_ guilt, _your_ pain, _your _suffering - but you made _us_ suffer… So make it better!" There was no more fear now in Edward's voice - only anger.

"I cannot return the dead. Nothing I do will make things better for you--"

"But you could try to make yourself better! We are all here to help you; even I forced myself to trust you! And you treat us so badly in return… Why couldn't you leave Leah alone instead of trying to seduce her?" Edward spat out.

The façade fell, the eyebrow as well, leaving behind only confusion in Golbez's face. "Seduce? What are you talking about?"

Edward uttered a sad, bitter laugh. "Everyone can see that you're in love with her..." In a sudden fit of strong emotion, he turned his face away, no longer wishing to see the dark wizard.

Golbez's used the moment for a last attempt to hide his bewilderment and shock: "Aren't you afraid that it might be dangerous to treat me and talk to me in such a way?" he asked, though it came out not threatening, but weakly.

Edward looked at him, coldly, his hot breath steaming angrily in the frosty air. "You know what? Maybe I even went into those caves in Kaipo to die… Most emotions have long left me, fear was the one that stayed and lately I feel even too tired to be afraid… even when it comes to you! Leah is the first person since Anna's death who helped me to feel something again and I will not give you the triumph of taking away her, too." With that, he turned around, leaving behind Golbez, who was still sitting in the snow.

_"Is he in love with her, too?_ _Too?_ _I'm not in love, am I?" _

When had he ever felt so miserable? It had felt like his fingers had crushed the bones of her wrist…

"_Have I really hurt her? But she tried to kill me… Or…" _

Golbez still didn't know what Leah was up to, couldn't judge her, couldn't think rationally when it came to her. But why did he care anyway? What difference was between sleeping endlessly on the moon or dying here? The grey inside of him was so strong - he felt so weary…

"_Why don't I know what to do?"_

He should get to his feet, go to the mountain and then…

"_I can't even find the strength to stand up…"_

Even Edward was standing up for the things he believed, to fight _for _something, _against_ something.

"_I believe in nothing… And the only thing I fight is myself…"_

And even this fight, he was loosing -- it seemed to Golbez that his innermost being was fading into nothingness.

Just as the snow around him was slowly melting.


	15. Chapter 14: Lilac kiss

**Chapter 14**

**Lilac kiss**

As Golbez returned to the camp, he had set up his usual haughty and indifferent expression, although his swollen upper lip slightly interfered with the impression he wanted to give. Edward was watching him with hostility from the campfire and started to play some notes on his lyre, only to hurl away the instrument into the snow just a moment later. Tristan's gaze fell inquiringly on Golbez and he indicated with a nod of his head towards Leah, who was curled up near the entrance of their sleeping cave.

Bitterness and regret were still clouding Golbez's thoughts. _"What shall I do? I have hurt her, once again. No excuse will suffice…"_

To his surprise, Leah looked up as he came closer, and she got to her feet. "Golbez - can you come over here for a while?" Her voice was earnest and composed.

"But--" Edward rose, but was stopped by the hand Leah held up.

"It is alright." Facing Golbez with an emotionless expression, she beckoned him towards a group of trees away from the camp site.

Golbez followed her slowly, not knowing what to expect, maybe not even caring about it. His emotions seemed to have been drained, his mind felt empty; it was a heavy emptiness which seemed to weigh down his bones and each step he took was costing him incredible effort. After what seemed like an eternity to him, he had finally reached Leah. The young woman leaned with her back against a tree, head turned aside, so that her silvery locks were hiding her eyes from his gaze.

_"So cold…" _The icy grip of the chilly winter air seemed to Golbez more real than ever before.

"You wanted to speak to me?" he asked, just now noticing that a piece of cloth was wrapped around Leah's wrist. "_Does it still hurt_?"

She still did not look at him and her lips moved only barely as she spoke: "What would you do, if I really had been hired to kill you?"

_"What did she just ask?"_ Golbez stared at Leah and forced himself to listen - the sight of her arm was taking all his attention.

"Why aren't you saying anything? I asked you what you would do if I wanted to kill you!" Leah repeated.

"Nothing," his answer echoed wearily through the woods.

"Nothing? Are you so tired of your existence? Is there nothing in this world which makes you want to live?" She raised her gaze slightly and Golbez noticed a tiny, slightly uncanny sparkle in her eyes, something… deadly. It was something that filled her voice, as well, as she spoke on: "So you really wouldn't care if I would end your life?" She had turned her head away, again.

Of course Golbez cared - but not about his life. But he had neither the words, nor the right to explain it to her, had he?

"Do what you think would be right… endless sleep, death… it's all the same to me..." There was no fear in him, only blankness.

"I thought you wanted to see your father?" Leah confronted him.

"He wouldn't tell me anything that would differ from what you said: I'm an evil which needs to be disposed off." The weariness seemed to overcome Golbez and he was about to leave, as he heard a small cracking sound, like nails digging in the bark of a tree.

"You want to go? Without saying anything? Asking me anything?"

Golbez shook his head. "I'm tired. You know where my sword is if you should need it. There is nothing more to say, except--"

He stopped for a moment as he felt her gaze on his back.

"I'm sorry about your arm." Getting no response and not bearing to turn around once more, Golbez made his way towards camp, his head filled with the image that he probably wouldn't see the morning light… It all fit together now - the hit on the head in the sea, the sword attack on the beach... She probably had just been playing safe until now, but if she really wanted to kill him, tonight was her last chance.

Still, he wasn't afraid, as he already felt as dead as one could feel.

xOx

_The great oak door creaked distinctly as Golbez and Kainazzo entered the barely lit, wood furnished study. The dark magician's armour clanged with very step, while the Water Fiend's slimy form slithered silently along the polished floor tiles, leaving behind a brackish smell. _

_/Disgusting…/ Golbez believed that the reason for the rotten stench lay in Kainazzos's ability of shape changing, since every form the other took on, even his momentary one, was just built out of dead flesh, held together by the power the fiend's malice produced. He asked himself why evil was so often paired with ugliness… Wasn't it lovely to wield power, wasn't it a beautiful, sublime feeling to take out an existence life had created? Sadly, he could experience such sensations far too seldom and he normally spent his hours in dull contemplation in the bleak and empty tower of Zot, awaiting Zemus' orders. Maybe today's task at hand would awaken his soul from the indifferent slumber it had. _

_"Who let you in?" Just now, the bearded man, who, despite the late hour was still working on some papers by the light of a candle, had noticed them. He seemed to feel the darkness emanating from the two visitors and standing up, he called for the guards. _

_Golbez smiled cruelly behind his heavy helmet. "It is no use, Your Majesty. They have already accepted the truth."_

_"The truth? What truth?"_

_Golbez bowed, though not as deep as it would have been appropriate when standing in front of Baron's ruler. "Don't you know? I'm the one who will be commanding the airship fleet from now on."_

_"I've never employed you. Sergeant Harvey is the one who--"_

_"…will follow my orders from now on. As the other people in the castle will…" Kainazzo snarled and under the disbelieving look of the King, the greenish blue form changed, fins becoming hands and feet, monstrous face melting into a human form, into..._

_The shape of Baron's ruler._

_The King slowly rose from his seat, his eyes widened in shock and alarm. _

_"You… that isn't possible… Kain! Cecil!" He called for his highest ranking officers._

_"Oh, your would-be sons... I gave them off this evening. They are probably amusing themselves in town with the white mage apprentice," a cold voice uttered from the direction of the door._

_"Baigan! What is all this about?" the king boomed, his face now a deadly white as he faced his eye-patch wearing counselor. _

_"Isn't this obvious, Your Majesty? It is about power. The power of this Kingdom, a power you wouldn't use, couldn't use because you are too weak," Baigan replied, voice hissing in a peculiar way, which made a cold shudder run down the King's back._

_"I should have known that you would try to stab me in the back someday, Baigan," Baron's ruler said, grabbing the hilt of his sword. "Have you never wondered why I never gave you a position in Baron's military? I always wanted to have an eye on you."_

_Baigan's healthy green eye sparkled with rage. "You never gave me any chance, focusing all your attention on these weak, parentless children! I will teach you to acknowledge me and my new power!" He slid forth with lightening speed - and was stopped by a dark, cold gauntlet._

_"Stop this. Don't get cocky." Golbez's voice ordered. Baigan was such a fool -- did he really believe that he wielded any true power? That his new leathery, slippery skin, twisted body proportions and some pair of fangs would make him less pitiable than before?_

_He suddenly felt the gaze of the King weighting on him. "Were you so afraid of facing me alone, stranger, that you felt the need to turn also my own men against me?" _

_/Afraid/ In view of the impertinence of the man before him, rage began to blossom inside of Golbez._

_"Even if I had appeared here, alone, the result of this evening wouldn't change. It is time that you meet your successor, Your Majesty," Golbez motioned towards Kainazzo. "If you bow before him, I might consider giving you a relatively painless death."_

_"Never. Do you really think that I will give up my Kingdom and my life without a fight? Who wants to face me first?" The King straightened up, rising his sword into a duel position like he had so often taught new recruits. "For the honour of Baron."_

_"Yes, for the honour of Baron!" Baigan stormed forward with a hiss, but before he could reach his ruler, he was thrown back by a burning red explosion. _

_"Master…" Kainazzo's voice now fitted to his new appearance, sounded nearly human… and filled with confusion._

_Golbez slowly lowered his hand and approached the red-cloaked body on the floor, whom the Nuke spell had nearly torn apart in the middle._

_"The times of honour are over," it sounded deep and dead behind the helmet. Another heavy step and he had reached the King, noticing to his surprise that the man was still breathing - and was now looking at him with nearly sad, but fearless eyes._

_"You are pitiable." Blood was trickling down the man's beard. "When the times of honour are over, the time of weakness will begin." _

_"Who are you calling weak!" Golbez hissed, enraged. / Zemus has given me power beyond mortal understanding - what have honour and holding back to do with strength/ _

_The King still was staring at him, a look between triumph and pity. "My words," he rasped, "scare you. You will fail." His bloodied lips curved into a scornful smile._

_"I am not scared of anyone - especially not of a dying man!" Golbez thundered, feeling now the fury in him and with it the might grew. /Don't look at me like that/ _

_How he wanted to erase that look from the other's face, squeeze out his grin and the bloody lies coming from his mouth, feel the strings of life snapping between his fingers until --_

_Extinguished eyes were looking at him._

_"Master, why didn't you allow me the honour-- I mean why wasn't I allowed to kill him?" Baigan hissed from behind._

_Golbez let go of the throat of the man, the dead, mangled body of the former King of Baron landing on the ground like a piece of disposed trash. The hand, with which the Dark Wizard had strangled his victim felt empty; **he** felt empty. For a moment Golbez regretted that he hadn't killed the man more slowly - how could this mere human have dared to call him pitiable and weak when his hand had so easily been able to snuff the life out of him? This black gloved hand which was now full of blood, thick blood, heavy like his breathing had suddenly become. _

_/Why is it so hard to inhale some air? Zemus gave me the ability of infinite power…/ It seemed like iron was filling his lungs, pressing him down. Had the words of the dying King been the truth, after all? The realization hit him bitter. _

_/Despite all this power, I'm too weak to breathe…/ _

_Too weak to live. Once more, nothingness embraced him._

xOx

Golbez awoke from a soft shuffle and a metallic sound. Next, something cold was pressed to his throat. _"So it was true after all.._." He was so tired.

"Not the sword?" he whispered hoarsely. He closed his eyes again, giving in to the grey in his soul and mind.

"No…" Leah whispered back. "Tristan's knife is better and doesn't make so much noise… Surprised, aren't you? Thought I was lying?"

"No. Maybe I was even hoping that someone would finally bring it to an end."

Still grey… And why was it so hard to breathe? Was it because of her? No, he couldn't even feel her weight.

"You know you really hurt me earlier. And I told you not to do it again…" Leah murmured into his ear.

A little red flame stirred in his soul... was it rage? No…

_"It is shame."_

"I'm sorry…" How hollow these words sounded, how meaningless, and still they were the plain truth and with that more than what he usually was admitting to people.

There was a short pause, before Leah spoke again. "What life have you lead that you seem to yearn for death?"

_"Black heavy despair… pressing guilt…Making it so hard to live…"_

"A life in which you never really felt anything, never felt alive unless you were killing…" he answered truthfully.

"Are you feeling nothing now, as well?" Suddenly Leah's voice was trembling a little and Golbez opened his eyes, beholding two widened, sea blue orbs regarding him intently in the dark.

"Are you afraid?" He tried to smile. "Don't. I will not fight back."

The press against his throat got stronger and a red wave of pain crashed over him, making him wince involuntarily.

"The one afraid is you. You are a coward and a liar." Leah stated.

"I didn't lie."

"You did. You said that you wouldn't feel and still right now, you are afraid…" Her hand was resting on his chest now, her weight pressing on the cut there, but her touch wasn't hurting like the knife at his throat, but was warm, light and nearly calming.

"Does it matter whether I feel afraid or not?"

The ocean blue of her eyes froze to ice. "Yes. You know, I'd really like to see you in fear when you die."

_"What does it matter now…"_

"You can." Not letting his gaze from hers, he raised his arm and carefully pulled Leah down, the weight bringing the knife with it, as well. He could feel how it buried itself into his skin, how the cut opened with a burning sensation --

"Are you mad?" The knife landed on the blanket with a light thud, but Leah's voice seemed to have taken on the sharpness of the blade. "Do you really want to get killed that much?" The ice in her gaze had melted to water as she was looking at him, shocked.

"It's bleeding! I didn't want this -- how are you feeling? Golbez--" she trailed off, as she noticed that the man under her was convulsing with spasms, hand on his forehead, making strange noises.

"What is the matter?" she asked in panic -- it took her a moment to realize what was happening.

"Are you… laughing?" Leah's eyes widened in disbelief and she looked around to check if this insane ruckus hadn't woken up Tristan or Edward.

"What does it look like to you?" Golbez brought forth grinning. "You're killing me---"

"No!" she protested. "Do you still mistrust me? It is just a little cut which---"

She fell silent as Golbez grabbed for her hand, the hurt one, careful not to move the wrist too much. He had stopped laughing.

"No," he whispered, his voice even deeper than usual, like it came from a hidden source inside the depth of his being. He guided Leah's hand towards his heart. "I'm talking about _here_."

His fingers wandered upwards over her arm, to her shoulder - for a moment he hesitated, but the smile he could suspect in the darkness of the cave chased away any doubts and he pulled her down for a kiss.

"Your lips feel like ice…" Leah whispered against his mouth, "Are you really feeling alright?"

Golbez raised an eyebrow, looking into the bright blue of her eyes. "I told you that I was afraid, right? Besides your lips are cold, too."

He could feel her grin mischievously against his mouth. "Well, I never said that _I_ wasn't afraid…" Their lips met again, this time with more passion, changing the grey in Golbez's soul to white, to red, to colours that didn't have a name, but could just be felt and were painting a layer over everything dull and heavy his being harboured.

_"Light..."_

"Leah?" A voice sounded from another part of the cave.

Leah's lips left Golbez's, leaving emptiness behind. "I think we woke Edward up..." she sighed. "I better return to my sleeping place."

Golbez helped her by moving her carefully from his body. "Don't forget the knife."

"What are you two doing there?" Edward asked suspiciously somewhere in the dark.

"I… I just was shortly outside and on my way back I accidentally stumbled over Golbez…" Leah couldn't suppress a chuckle and tiptoed through the cave to her place of sleeping.

Feeling the bard's eyes on him, Golbez turned around towards the wall, pretending to be already asleep again. The colours swirling through him made it much too hard to even close his eyes - everything was so unreal.

_"Maybe this is just another dream…"_ However, as the wound at his throat began to burn, he knew that it wasn't.

_"What were you just doing?"_

He didn't know if the question was addressed to him or to Leah…


	16. Chapter 15: Sandy cliffs

**Chapter 15**

**Sandy cliffs**

As soon as Golbez had opened his eyes, his mind confronted him with the one question he asked himself every morning:

_"Why are you still here?" _

However, whereas normally this thought had solely to do with his wish to return to the moon, it had a very literal sense to it on this day. Why was he still alive? The answer filled him with confusion.

_"Leah…" _He touched his lips, as if he was searching for traces of the kisses they had shared. His eyebrow slowly arched as he beheld the emotions the memory of last night invoked in him - excitement, but also confusion.

_"Why did you let it happen?"_ Of course, he knew the answer to this, as well - when he thought of Leah, he felt warm, his soul became lighter, and when she was near, when they had been touching, there had been no discomfort, no regret -- there had only been the strong certainty that this _was how it was supposed to be_.

_"Everyone can see that you're in love with her…"_ Edward had said and he started to believe that the other was right. Still, he had no idea what this meant, if it would change something and what this _something _could be.

With a little discontented groan, Golbez closed his eyes again, as if trying to make fade the problems arising with this realization. For the dark wizard, uncertainty was a danger to his very soul - only as long as he knew exactly what was happening, only as long as everything went like planned, he could control his actions - and the ones of others if necessary. Thus, uncertainty meant loss of control, meant weakness. And hadn't he been weak the day before? He had no longer cared whether to live or die, although he had a mission to accomplish. Hadn't he lost control as he had hurt Leah? And as he had kissed her? Then again, it seemed that his strength and control were already diminishing since he had started to travel with Tristan… There was only one word for the situation he was in: A mess.

_"And especially if one person is constantly bringing you into this mess, only to get you out of it, before she plunges you in, again..."_ He couldn't help but smile, as the pictures of last night lightened his soul with colours once more and were filling him with a strange anticipation.

He pushed the blanket aside and left the cave rather hurriedly, not even bothering to put on his cloak, though it was frosty outside, despite the morning sun. Edward gave him an unfriendly look from the place at the boiling kettle, while Tristan was making the strangest of physical exercises to get warm.

"Oh, our Master Wizard has finally woken up, as well. Already practicing for your time of sleeping on the moon, are we?" the swindler brought forth, puffing between two contortions of his limbs.

Golbez just started at him blankly. "Where's Leah?" he asked.

"She went for a walk…" Edward told him. "I guess she wanted to be alone for a while." Hidden hostility vibrated in his voice.

"Listen, I'm sorry for what has happened yesterday. I was confused and I made a great mistake." Golbez turned around, facing Edward with a regretful expression. "I will not loose control like that again, especially not in front of Leah. You do not have to fear for her."

Both Edward and Tristan, who had stopped in the middle of his exercises and was now balancing on one leg like a lame bird, were so completely taken by surprise by Golbez's apology that they did not know what to say in return.

Giving his two companions a little smile that changed their confusion to utter bewilderment, Golbez followed the footsteps Leah's slim boots had left in the soft snow.

After a while, he reached the coastline and with it the main road to Mysidia. The day before they had taken another route, a little back road Tristan knew of, which was faster and had hidden them from the curious looks of other travelers. Secretly, Golbez had been glad about Tristan's knowledge - the merchant road to Mysidia held bitter memories for him and everyone else he had traveled with in the past, especially his brother. It was the place where Dawn had died, where she had plunged down into the sea… Where--

The thought and his blood froze, as he spotted someone standing near the edge of the cliff. Despite the heavy gusts coming from the ocean, which were tearing at its clothes and hair, the slender figure was standing completely still, like a statue.

As Golbez came nearer, the roar of the crushing waves got louder, mingling with the high-pitched sound of some sea gulls and turning the nearly acidic smell of salt into a sense-deafening crescendo he was oblivious off -- the roaring inside his soul was so loud that it drowned out everything else the outer world was hurling at him:

It all seemed to come back in that moment, the tears Dawn had shed, not for him, but for his brother; his own inability to show emotions, keeping a cool façade while the others were mourning; shouting at Cecil instead of giving words of comfort - all this just because he had felt so helpless at the sight of her death… He, who had never felt helpless when it came to the end of a living being, as he so often had been the one who had given death to others.

A dark wave of guilt was ready to swallow him and he stood there waiting, unmoving like he had done on the day Dawn had died. This time, however, the sound of a bright voice swept him away, before the darkness could engulf him:

"Good morning!" Leah had noticed him by now and gave him a broad smile, beckoning to come closer to the edge of the cliff. He hesitated, only slowly adapting to the present time, again.

"Still afraid?" She stretched out her hand, patiently waiting for him to take it, like giving a shy animal food.

Taking a deep breath, like the following was posing an effort to him, Golbez took her hand. Her fingers were surprisingly warm... and calming.

"What are you doing here?" He said, regarding the churned up sea below them.

Leah grew earnest. "Wondering…" she said very quietly, squeezing his hand - Golbez knew that she wanted to encourage him to ask her a question, but before that, he had to let out the one thing on his mind:

"Leah, it was here that… that Dawn died…"

"Yes? Is that so?" It sounded far away.

He turned towards her, letting go of her hand. "Aren't you listening?"

"I _am_ listening Golbez…" Leah dropped her gaze. "But I have things on my mind, too. You know about yesterday…"

"I know that you lied and didn't want to kill me--"

"It was so hard to get through to you, and I had to show you once and for all that you are not the murdering monster you believe yourself to be. Although I have to admit that maybe for a moment I lost control… I was so angry about your behaviour earlier on. If the knife had cut deeper--"

Golbez shrugged and motioned towards Leah's wrist. "We would have been, even then. I lost control in the woods and the situation went out of hand, as you weren't giving me any of the answers I wished," he explained, noticing to his discontent, that his words sounded like an accusation, once more.

"I know…" She took his hand, again, drawing him a bit closer to her. "And that's why there's something I have to tell you. The man, the man I met in the woods -- Golbez, he said that he is a Lunarian like you."

"What?" During the past hours, Golbez had nearly forgotten about the distrust he had held against Leah, but her words reminded him quite roughly about the threat a man named Ko Min posed and crushed any light feeling he had felt since last night. "And this Lunarian said that he knew you?" He tried to sound calm.

"Yes, but before he could tell me more, you appeared…" Leah said, slightly regretful. "Golbez, I'm so confused... I don't know what to think anymore."

"Leah, now listen good," Golbez took hold of both her shoulders and turned her towards him. "This man, Ko Min, is after me. According to my uncle he has set foot on the blue planet through the teleportation gate in order to kill me and he probably will not try to accomplish it alone. Have you really never met him, before?"

He could feel how Leah began to shiver - in fact he was beginning to shiver inside, too.

"What are you hinting at? I met him only once before - in Mysidia, when I was trying to find the library. He made a lot of strange indications and said that he could better help me more than any town records could… Since I didn't know that time that he was a Lunarian, too, I suspected that your presence would only make him nervous and it was clear words I wanted to hear from him. So I wanted to meet him alone…" This time, _she_ let go of his hold. "Don't look at me, frowning like that! This is the truth! You said before that you knew that I didn't want to harm you…"

"I know you didn't want to kill me last night. But," Golbez hated to speak out the words and her shocked gaze was already suspecting what he was going to say, anyway, "there seems to be some connection between Ko Min and you, unless he lied and in truth doesn't know you. But after all, you remembered the caves on the island, right? I have no other explanation for it, other than that he tried to use you before, showed you the teleportation device for some reason and then something went wrong and he lost the power over you… And now he wants it back."

"Excuse me?" Leah got into a fury. "Just because I seem to remember some damn hole in rock, which could be on any other island as well, you conclude that I have been some kind of slave to this man? And from where did he "get me" in the beginning? Bought me in a market?"

_"Maybe he found you somewhere half dead near the coast and…_" No, he shouldn't even think about such a possibility, but right now every information he had collected about Ko Min, Leah and Dawn in the past, were swirling around in his head, forming the strangest of conclusions.

"I don't know if there's a connection between you two…" Golbez admitted quietly.

This reluctance was not calming down Leah. "Nor do I. But I know one thing, Golbez. I want this to stop! It's too tempting to see in a person with no memories who you want to see, as this person has no way to tell you otherwise. First it's Dawn, then it's the accomplice of some Lunarian. What will it be tomorrow? The Queen of Baron? I won't let other people tell me anymore who I remind them off or not - not even you, although you are the reason that I have found out that it doesn't matter whoI am--"

"Leah, you must be joking." Golbez interrupted her curtly. "It's important to find out who you are… To find out if--" He stopped too late.

"To find out if I'm Dawn? Was this the reason for what happened last night? Because you still see her in me?"

Golbez knew that the conversation was short of going out of control. "No, although you do sort of look like her, but--"

"Answer my question!" The knife from last night had appeared again in her voice. "Why did you get involved with me?"

"Because… well, it didn't matter anymore… and because I wanted to and--" He saw how Leah backed away, coming dangerously close to the edge of the cliff.

"You know, Golbez, I really hope that you're just having trouble finding words again…" she fumed.

She didn't watch her step and--

"Dawn! No!" It escaped his lips involuntarily, as he caught her in his arms, pulling her away from the abyss. For a moment she didn't move and just leaned against his shoulder, before she slowly raised her head.

"Golbez, _I am not Dawn_."

"How do you know? Can't you understand that I'd like to know who you are?"

A look of absolute bitterness on her face, Leah backed away from him. "No. It is not important. Important is what you think about me in your heart, in your soul. And there it's not the name that is important, but the way I am - right now. And that's a person who… who cares for you even now when you… When you disown my true identity, my true self!"

"Leah, please wait and let me explain--"

She shook her head. "No, I'm sick of your explanation. I need to get away from all of you… From Tristan, who's constantly trying to seduce me, but in reality doesn't give a damn; from Edward, who's starting to see a replacement for Anna in me that I can never be; and away from… from you." She swallowed, fighting back tears and it seemed to Golbez that he had never seen her, never seen _anyone _so frail, sad and angry at the same time before: For the fracture of a second he thought that he had finally understood what the expression "heartbreaking" meant. "You know, I really wished that the first really important memories of my "new" life weren't sad ones. But they already are… Maybe I should have been more patient, also with you, but I really don't know what to wait for…" She turned and went - and Golbez let her go.

There had been so much truth in her words, so much hard truth - even now he couldn't bring himself to answer why he felt so drawn to her... Love… That was just a string of letters for something words couldn't explain.

_"They say it's the heart that speaks…"_ He, however, had never learned to listen to his heart - logic and reason had been the things he had relied on and he was not sure if Leah's judgment on him wasn't anymore reliable than his own was. Did he really not care about her but only for a memory? The thought filled him with sickness and as he watched Leah go, her arms crossed before her to protect her lithe form from the hard icy wind of the coast, some tiny voice in him told him to run after her, embrace her, warm her; but he knew that he could not listen to it. How could someone like him warm anyone? He was cold - and the only place for him was on the cold and barren moon.

The time with Leah had only been a short, colourful dream before the endless years of colourlessness were awaiting him.

xOx

"Where's Leah?" Edward asked as Golbez returned to the camp, packing his few things together wordlessly.

"She has returned to Mysidia. Maybe you want to follow her."

"Mysidia?" Edward gasped, roused. "This is your doing, isn't it? Also last night," he spat the words out with disgust. "I thought I told you to get away--"

Golbez whirled around sharply. "Yes, I know what you told me and you had all right to do so. It _is_ my fault that she has left - I was seeing Dawn in her the whole time… and then I even suspected her of wanting to murder me."

"To kill you?" Edward exclaimed in disbelief.

Tristan was less moved. "Well, now as I remember the scene on the beach _looked_ scary…"

"There's a Lunarian named Ko Min after me and I thought that Leah was working for him." Golbez explained for what seemed liked the hundredth time to him. "And it seems that indeed he tried to get her on his side. So, whatever you two do, be careful since he is around here somewhere. I'm leaving for Mt. Ordeals immediately - alone, like I said. There's also no need for you, Tristan, to accompany me further since you already got your money and--"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Tristan grinned mischievously. "How about a little extra bonus if I accompany you to the Mountain? If this Lunarian guy is after you, you might want someone to watch your back…"

"And that would be you? No thanks." Golbez belted up his sword.

"Do you even know the way? The woods are thick and there's no road."

"I presume _you_ know the way, of course?" It was true that Golbez had only a vague impression of how to reach the mountain.

Tristan clicked his tongue. "Good ol' Tristan knows much - for a price…"

Golbez uttered his usual "defeated by Tristan" sigh. "Two hundred more?" he offered.

"Three hundred and the ring."

"I understand." _"Forgive me Cecil, but where I go, I will not need it, anyway."_

Edward had watched the negotiations with growing incomprehension. "You two make me feel sick. Leah was well off leaving the group. Since it is your wish, anyway, Golbez, I'll follow her example. Here's your payment, Tristan. You'll get the ring when we've arrived at the mountain." He flung a little bag towards the flaxen haired man, the cold ringing of the coins well fitting to the atmosphere of the moment.

"You demanded money from him, too?" Golbez raised an eyebrow.

Tristan smiled innocently. "Hey - I do everything for money… Nearly."

xOx

Alone, again. Though hadn't he been alone since Anna had left him? No, this was not exactly true and Edward felt a slight twinge of regret that the traveling time with his companions had found such a sudden end. The whole trip had changed him, _was _still changing him - it had brought back part of what had wandered into the grave with his fiancée, setting free powers in him the King of Damcyan thought he could never possess.

Edward looked at his hand, at the slender back of it, at the long, thin fingers; he turned it around to see examine the palm, which was like his fingertips, smooth and unmarred by any signs real hard work would have left. The hand looked weak, everything it ever had done was playing the lute or holding a quill - even in battle, it had not been able to wield a sword. And yet, the day before, as he had hit Golbez, his hand had been strong - strong because _he_ had been strong, because just for once there had been no fear inside him. But now, as he was sitting alone on a log near the extinguished fireplace, the fear was there, again, making him tremble more than the cold winter air did, making him feel restless although he no longer had to bear Golbez's presence and slowly, Edward realized what it was that was making him afraid:

Forgetting his fear, fear that he would forget…

Fear that he would forget _her_.

Since he had left Damcyan, there had been moments when he had cared for the living and not for the dead; when he had not mourned the past, but had tried just to live through the moment, when his thoughts had been also with his companions and not solely with his lost love. No matter how seldom and how short those moments had been, he had always felt ashamed after he had experienced them and had asked himself if he was too egoistic, if it was a betrayal of the love they had had if he kept forgetting Anna's memory even for a second.

Edward had been sure that he would mourn her a lifetime, that way sacrificing his life without dying, because she had sacrificed for him _her_ _life_. But slowly, he was no longer sure if he had the strength to do this - lately it seemed as if he had to fight against life itself, which wanted to drag him back with all its might into the world of wishes, strong emotions, new songs to sing and new purposes to find. But at what price did this new world offer itself to him? The cost was to let go of everything old, his Kingdom, maybe his old friends and ultimately even the memory of Anna. To forget all these things would bring a guilt with it which seemed even heavier to the King of Damcyan than the sadness he was bearing.

"Anna, tell me what to do…"

"Why is everyone around me talking either _about_ or _with_ the dead?" A desperate sigh startled Edward.

"Leah… You are still here?" he asked, surprised. "I thought you had gone to Mysidia…"

"I could ask the same of you…" The silver-haired woman settled down next to him on the log and Edward could see that her eyes were slightly red - she probably had cried.

_"All this for him? He's just not worth it…"_

"I turned around half-way on the road to the town, because I figured out that I don't really know _where _to go…" Leah bent forward and started to draw figures in the sandy earth of the extinguished fireplace before her with the tip of her finger.

"Well, anywhere is good to find out more about yourself, right?" Edward tried to help.

"But that's the point. _I think I know enough about myself_… I don't need to know anymore. Does this sound crazy to you?" she tried to smile.

"I… I don't know. It sounds strange. There could be people waiting for you."

"And chances are that I would probably not even recognize them… Or even if I did - who knows if the feelings I once had for them would return, or if I would feel differently now because I have changed?"

"Your memories may have changed, but haven't you said yourself that your feelings probably haven't? And if they did - would it really matter? Isn't the most important thing for you not to be alone anymore?" Edward asked quietly, following with his eyes the lines Leah's finger left in the sand.

"But I am not alone; I mean I _was_ not alone… I felt alone before I joined you, but then he…" She stopped, a mixture of anger and sadness overcoming her.

"I see… But it was a foolish thing to fall for him and I cannot understand what it is that drove you to him." Edward's eyes widened in shock as he noticed how cruel and cold he sounded, how filled with bitterness, so unlike his normal self. _"I'm starting to sound like that Dark wizard does…"_

"Is it true that you really can't understand? You have cared about someone, too, right?" Leah had posed the question calmly, before he even could apologize for his words before. Edward's pale features reddened considerably since she was right.

"And I still am in love… There - what you just drew--" He pointed to the circles in the fine sand. "It looks like a flower…like a yellow rose. That was Anna's favourite flower."

"Edward… Not again." Her shoulders drooped down.

"No, don't worry. I won't compare you with Anna any longer - there is no replacement for her. I have to admit that I sometimes thought that I had found her in you, that if I pretended that she had never died, there also wouldn't exist a memory of her I could forget. It was a mistake." He didn't dare to look her in her eyes.

"I… I guess I can be glad that you no longer see her in me… You would have been disappointed by my person sooner or later I guess," she reflected. "You know, I can be quite… unpredictable. And that's a nice word to describe it."

She chuckled and it occurred to Edward how she, with nothing to hold on to except the present moment (which probably wasn't even a happy one for her), could smile or laugh, whereas he, with thousands of sad but also beautiful memories, could not. Maybe forgetting meant not giving up everything, after all…

"You know, Leah, many things you said during the last days helped me a lot. Sometimes you nearly sound wise… Like a Lunarian, maybe…"

She gave him a reproachful look. "Don't say such things! It's enough that this Ko Min told me that I remind him of someone…"

Edward pricked up his ears. "Ko Min? That's the guy who is after Golbez, right? He told us about him before he and Tristan left for Mt. Ordeals."

"Strange that Tristan would accompany him further… They were constantly quarrelling," Leah wondered pensively.

"Well, Tristan said that for money he'd do nearly everything…" Edward shrugged his shoulders.

"Cleaning isn't one of those things, it seems. What's that stuff in the kettle? I've been smelling it since I got here."

"Oh, that's Tristan's breakfast, though I have no idea what he put in it…" Edward reached forward to take the kettle from the fireplace and to take a skeptical look at the leftovers in it.

"It doesn't smell like anything edible to me…Have you seen him eating it?" Leah had gotten pale for some reason.

"No…"

For a moment there was anxious silence between the two.

"Edward…" Leah said after a while. "I think I'm going to Mt. Ordeals, too - I have a bad feeling about this. Ko Min is still out there and--"

In that moment, the truth hit Edward, as well and he jumped to his feet. "Whatever you were thinking right now, you are right. We have to hurry, I'll explain it on the way to the mountain."

Leah was watching him with big eyes. "Alright. My map will help us find the way, but before we go, tell me one thing: Why are you coming with me?"

Edward felt himself smile without having to force himself to do so. "You once told me that I was afraid to walk down the road. Well, I decided that I want to see the end of it."

xOx

The way through the thick woods was confusing and Golbez actually wondered if he would have been able to find the right way without Tristan's guidance. He also was cursing the imperturbable talkativeness of his companion as usual:

"About Leah - do you love her?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Golbez murmured, trying not to think too much about Tristan's question.

"You can tell me! I would be-- Hey, why are you stopping?" Tristan turned towards his companion, who was looking into the air with narrowed eyes.

"Don't you hear it?" Golbez hissed.

"I hear nothing. Wait, when you hear nothing in the woods, it's a clue that something is wrong, right?" Tristan mused aloud. "Oh, but I can hear the sounds of a bird, so everything is alright and--" his jaw fell down as the flapping of wings got louder, accompanied by a sudden wind. Then, suddenly, silence dominated the dark trees around them, again.

"Eh?" the swindler commented as with a loud shrieking cry, something huge dove through the tree tops, sharp claws aimed at Golbez.

"A Roc!" Golbez threw himself to the floor, at the same time preparing a spell. "Bolt!"

With a loud cry of pain the creature tottered down, whirling up a cloud of white as it hit the ground. Golbez got to his knees - it felt like he had gotten into a little snowstorm, the gust blowing his hair into his eyes. He waited for the wind to stop, but it didn't.

He turned his head, his sight limited to the black strands before his eyes and the white of the snow shining through them. Then, the white changed to brown, the dirty brown of the second Roc which had directly landed behind him, its giant beak with sharp teeth already lowering onto his prey, filling the air with the smell of blood and decay before--

The bird fell to the side. Surprise filled Golbez's expression for just a moment - then he saw the knife sticking between the eyes of the creature.

"One of my girlfriends once worked as a knife thrower in the circus. Now if I could just remember her name…"

Golbez pushed the hair out of his eyes and stared at Tristan. "You… You saved my life."

The swindler shrugged. "Well, I told you that you could use my help. Besides, we're one of a kind!"

"Stop the cheesy talk," Golbez got to his feet and brushed the snow from his clothes. "How much money will this rescue cost me?"

"Nothing, if…" Tristan made a little dramatic pause. "If you tell me about you and Leah."

"You're disgusting."

"You, too. That's why she left, right? You said yourself often enough that you are a danger to everyone."

Although he knew that he should be outraged by this statement, Golbez had to grin. "Using my own words against me, are we? You're all not making it easy for me, you know…"

Tristan returned the grin. "You're not making it easy for anyone else, as well. It's a deal, then, but you better tell me about her, later. We should hurry and reach the mountain base. Who knows what else lurks in these woods and I might not save you again next time. Unless you had more love affairs you could tell me about as a payment." Not sure if Golbez's reaction would be as mild as the one before, he sprinted forwards to put some distance between him and the Black Wizard.

xxx

They were able to reach the base of Mt. Ordeals without getting attacked once more, since the appearance of the Rocs seemed to have scared away animals and monsters alike.

"So that's where I will meet Klu Ya…" Golbez looked up at the grey stone, massive before him, which towered nearly threateningly amidst the snow. But hadn't Cecil told him about the beauty of the mountain? He wondered if his dark soul felt repelled by the holy power that was somewhere slumbering amidst the mountain…

"Time to pay your debt," Tristan settled down on a rock. He took a flask out of his pocket and handed it to Golbez. "Care for a little drink now, Gobs, to wet your tongue before you start to tell me about Leah?"

"Gobs?" Golbez frowned, but took the flask nonetheless. The mountain made him feel nervous for some reason and having to talk about Leah did not help to regain his composure. Maybe a little drink would help -

_"Another human habit of thinking…"_ Not caring to sniff, he took a sip - the liquid tasted pleasantly spicy and warmed him up immediately.

"So, why did you break up with the pretty bird--"

"Are you talking about the Roc?" Golbez asked pertly.

"Uh, oh -- sensible, aren't we? Okay, so why did you two have a quarrel after having had such a romantic night?" Tristan regarded him curiously.

_"Romantic?"_ The exact meaning of the word was not completely clear to Golbez, but he believed that for most people it probably hadn't anything to do with a knife pressed against one's throat. It seemed that Tristan had witnessed only part of the night before, which was a certain relief to him.

"She went away because I am an idiot…" he said darkly, his mouth feeling dry all of a sudden. He took another sip out of the flask.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Tristan tried to sound sympathetic, although it was clear that Golbez's admittance was filling him with satisfaction. "I mean, Leah might seem pretty friendly and intelligent, but she's sly as well, if you know what I mean…"

Golbez frowned - was the little thief referring to the scene on the beach or to Leah's temper? "She's unusual, unafraid and unpredictable… That's why--"

"You like her?" Tristan helped out.

"Hmm…" Golbez murmured something incomprehensible -- he didn't want to talk about the subject, especially not with Tristan and he also felt too tired to think out an intelligent answer.

_"Must have been the night…Me, of all persons, kissing…"_

He took another sip out of the flask. "You know, this tastes really well for a human brew," he said, just to change the subject, "I wonder why Edward was coughing…"

"That is because he wasn't drinking the same thing you are drinking right now."

"No? What was it he drank?" Golbez asked slowly, since his tongue felt heavy - it seemed that he really wasn't holding his liquor well.

His companion laughed. "Chocobo piss!"

Golbez chuckled, although the laugh left him slightly dizzy. "Just what I expected. And what is it I'm drinking?"

Tristan smiled cheerfully. "Poison."


	17. Chapter 16: Chartreuse knife

_Author's notes: I'd like to use this moment to thank everyone who posted a review lately. It really means much to me that people are reading this! __Maybe I should also apologize for the cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter, but to tell the truth: I'm not sorry for it. It was fun. ;) Yep, I'm evil…And now to:_

**Chapter 16**

**Chartreuse knife**

Golbez's vision was blurred, his jaw stiff and his mouth moved as slowly as the blood seemed to flow in his veins - he was not even sure if the words he uttered were audible at all:

"So I was right about the fact that you would kill for a cent."

"Oh, Ko Min is giving me more than a cent…" Tristan remarked calmly.

"Ko Min? So you were trying to kill me from the beginning…"

"No - had it been so, you would not have survived the brawl in the tavern, you know. When I first met Ko Min, he only handed me the map and told me to use it as a lure to get you to journey with me. He probably wanted to see first if I was capable of gaining your trust. The order to kill didn't come until we came to Kaipo." Tristan explained the details of the plan in a casual tone.

"But Leah and Edward-" Golbez had to stop speaking as a wave of burning pain was flooding through him.

"You mean why I hired Leah and why I tolerated Edward?" Tristan ended the other's thought. "Well, I did not know the way through the desert and, also, I could never resist a pretty face. And the King of Damcyan - he simply meant even more money. Of course it made planning on how to kill you harder, but when they ever find your body, I am at least not the only one they could suspect of having murdered you…"

"But what about the Rocs… You saved me…"

"My, my - your logic won't even let you _die _in peace, will it?" Tristan sighed sympathetically. "I like to play safe - a Roc attack is hardly killing a person instantly and I believe that even in a wounded state you would have been able to roast me with a spell rather fast. I needed to find a safe way to kill you, without witnesses and without bringing myself into danger… And look - the wait was worth it! Due to the poison you can't even raise a finger and we can even have a cozy talk before you die," he concluded proudly.

It was true - Golbez was completely helpless and although it wasn't the first time he was in a life threatening situation, it was the first time that he could actually see death _coming_; the poison slowly spreading through his veins until it would have conquered his very essence, his very life. Just one day before, he would have welcomed such an end or at least accepted it as fate, but now his mind wouldn't stop asking questions and his body desperately tried to move its limbs, although it was an impossibility to do so. For the first time he understood what it was that drove humans on, what let them ignore the inevitable even when doomed.

"I don't… want to die…" he brought forth. His breathing had become labored now and made it even harder to speak.

"Is that so?" Tristan wondered. "Never looked that way to me… I thought that you wanted to do this endless sleep thing on the moon which sounds pretty much like death, I think. Why the sudden change of mind? Ah, now I understand - it's because of Leah!" He clicked his tongue. "Don't worry - she'll find another. She was too good for you, anyway."

"Greedy… murdering... bastard…"

"No, I'm not." Suddenly, Tristan sounded very serious. "There's one thing I want to let you know, Golbez. I'm not doing this here because it's fun. As you accused me in the caves of Kaipo that I would even kill for money, you hurt me - it hurt because it was true and because I never had wanted to fall that low. Swindling, thieving, betraying - _that's_ my world. If you're cleverer and faster than others - well, that's just too bad for them! Everyone lives for himself and only the strongest and smartest win the game. Still, that does not mean that only the strongest is allowed to _survive_. You know, I was once weak, too… I got cheated, lost my money when gaming and, hey, as unbelievable as it may sound, there were even some women who left _me_!" His voice took on an instructive tone. "But I didn't want to be the loser and I endured only to learn, until one day I was able to turn the stakes and I could compete with my former "masters" and then I was the one who won the game. And all this without killing a single person."

"Then… why now? Just… money?"

"No. Of course killing you will change "Tristan, the swindler" into "Tristan, the rich" and maybe even in some circles to "Tristan, the hero"…" the flaxen haired man said and became even more earnest, "but the real point is that I know when someone is stronger than I am. And Ko Min is such a person, probably even stronger than you. I never had the impression that I even had the option to reject the mission. Maybe in the beginning, but I couldn't-wouldn't say no to the wealth and fame he offered me… But from the moment on where he told me to kill you, I knew that there was no turning back. It was my life or yours… You might understand who I chose… I'm truly sorry about all that. To take the life of someone is… cheating."

"Then don't do it, Tristan."

_"Edward?"_ Golbez noticed dimly and felt a slight twinge of regret that of all people the bard had come to his "rescue". _"He'll never make it…"_

Slowly, it became an impossibility to ignore the inevitable. Death was near.

xxx

"What are you doing here?" Tristan jumped up with a raised knife.

Edward took a hesitant step forward, trying to keep at least his voice stable: "Leah and I were wondering why you had been so insistent on going with Golbez... When we accidentally stumbled over your "breakfast", it all came together: your strange acquisition of the map, your lie that you couldn't swim, your remark that you regretted only one decision you had made and of course the poisonous herbs you bought in the tavern of Mysidia. I remembered just in time the stories Cecil told me about the establishment."

"Well, with that many hints it still took you a long time to figure it out… But why do you care if Golbez dies or not?" Tristan asked innocently. "He killed your girl… Here's your chance to watch him die."

"It is true that part of me wants revenge and Golbez may even welcome death, but it's like you said: Death is cheating. We're all on our roads and we need to walk down them - no matter how hard they are. So, if I'll have to walk the road of my grief, I don't want that the man who is partly responsible for it has it any easier. He should have to walk his road, too, a path stony with his guilt."

"Nice. You forget two things, though: First, I'd never break a contract I made and second…" Tristan pointed at the writhing form of Golbez. "I believe that it's too late. There's nothing that can save him now."

"Is that so?" Leah had suddenly appeared next to Golbez - while Tristan and Edward had talked, she had used the opportunity to creep to the body of the black haired wizard.

"You, too? Why are you all trying to help a man who brought you nothing but trouble?" Tristan whirled around and with a determined expression approached her with the raised knife.

Leah's features paled. "Tristan - don't come any closer!"

Tristan's gaze had already spotted the little flask in her hand. "Trying to save him, are you? I'm not sure if it will even help, but just in case you should give the stuff to me. I don't want to hurt you." As if he wanted to make it clear what he was capable of, he twirled the knife deftly with his fingers.

Leah gave Edward a desperate look - there was no time to waste if she wanted to give Golbez the antidote and still Edward wished that he had just a second more to gather his strength, to gather his courage, to wait for the right moment-

"Don't move!" Tristan's voice commanded stridently.

"Edward!" The bard heard Leah's shout, and he knew that he could not let his weak body ruin everything, again; he would, _could_ not fail to protect someone once more-

With a cry he hurled himself onto Tristan, who whirled around to meet him.

"Surprised?" Edward greeted the other as they tumbled together onto the icy earth.

Tristan's eyes were fixating on him coldly. "Only a bit."

The bard became aware of a sharp pain and his arms lost their strength - Tristan slipped out of his hold like an eel and rolled to the side, while Edward landed on his stomach on the snow, the meeting of the hard ground knocking his breath away. As soon as the air returned to his lungs, he tried to propel himself up, but his wrist bended under his weight only shortly after he had seen the blood.

xxx

Golbez had only been vaguely aware of anything around him and it seemed nearly unreal as his head was raised out of the cold snow. Some kind of sticky liquid was forced in his mouth and he had the reflex to gag, if his body would just have allowed it or the hand that was firmly closing his lips to keep the antidote from flooding out.

_"Leah…"_

The liquid inside his mouth seemed to choke him-

"Don't fight it or you will become too tense to swallow it." His head was raised even more and a soft hand brushed over his hair. "You know, I really didn't know what to wait for in Mysidia, so I decided to find out…"

As strange as it seemed to him that she was telling him all this, as calming as her voice was, he could no longer feel the pain in his bones, but only the rhythmic strokes of her hand against his head.

Suddenly, he noticed that the liquid was no longer in his mouth and that the weariness was seeping away, the burning in his veins subsiding and getting replaced by pleasant warmth…

Only a second later, Golbez's head landed in the cold snow again, once more bringing back the pain.

"Edward!" he heard Leah cry, but his sight had not returned fully yet.

_"Need to gather a bit more strength…" _

"Tristan… He… he hit me…" Edward's voice hovered between horror and surprise.

"I… Look, I told you to let me do my job! And what am I to do now? I have no choice but to end what I have done, I guess…"

_"Hesitation in Tristan's voice?"_ A small chuckle escaped Golbez.

_"Can move again…"_

"Stay away from Edward! Haven't you caused enough damage?"

_"Can feel the magic again…"_

"You don't understand! My life is at stake! If I don't-"

"QUAKE!" A shout echoed through the air. With a deep rumble, the earth began to vibrate, throwing the unaware Tristan on the ground.

"That's enough." Golbez's dark voice thundered and to stress this point, a heavy black boot was pressed on the back of Tristan's neck, squeezing out a grunt from the young man.

"Golbez! Are you alright?" Leah had not even seen Golbez standing up - it had all happened so fast.

"It… My state of health should suffice…" Golbez was still feeling a little shaky and his sight seemed to be shifting. He tried to focus his gaze and looked around. "What's with Edward?" He spotted the young man kneeling on the ground, holding his shoulder.

"It's… only a little wound..." Edward panted, though looked like he was about to faint any minute.

"Let me see…" Leah sat down next to him. "It bleeds, but the cut doesn't seem to go deep. Tristan is as bad in close combat as he is a cheap poison brewer. Otherwise I cannot explain why the remains of the antidote from the Kaipo cave were able to help Golbez…"

"Hey - after all, this "cheap" poison brought the mighty Golbez to his knees," Tristan had somehow managed to turn his head to the side so that he could at least croak. "Normally you need at least a woman to render him helpless…"

Despite what Tristan had put them through, Leah had to laugh. Golbez wasn't amused, though and the boot pressed harder into the swindler's back.

"You're still joking?" The black wizard snapped. "You don't seem to realize that you are in a very unfortunate situation, do you?"

"Is that so? Although my plan failed and Ko Min will probably be after me, I'm right now in a very _good_ situation, I think…" Tristan ached, spitting out some snow. "After all I'm still alive and since none of you will kill me-"

"Are you so sure about that, boy?" Golbez growled.

"Stop with these games, Golbez. He's right." Leah said. "No one here would kill for revenge. Not I, not you and surely not Edward."

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "If you say so."

Against the ground, the swindler grinned. "See! And you probably will not let me go, either."

"That is correct."

"Thus, you will have to take me with you which means that I will have protection against Ko Min if he finds me! Isn't that great? And could you now please let me get up? You're breaking my spine!" Tristan asked with as much amiability as the pain in his throat would allow.

"No one will protect you here. Didn't you say that Ko Min was stronger than me, anyway?" Golbez stepped aside, releasing Tristan. "I changed my mind. You are free."

The other gave him an insulted look while scrambling to his feet. "Don't take my words that seriously. I'll not be leaving you." He smiled mischievously, his old self once more. "If you leave me I'll just follow you. Of course you could beat me up or to tie me to some tree to stop me from doing this, but in this cold climate that would mean certain death for me and you wouldn't risk that. Killing is cheating, you know?"

"He has some point…" Edward admitted quietly. "But still he tried to kill me and-"

"Hey, I told you that I'm sorry!" Tristan tried to placate him, "besides if I had wanted to kill you, I would… err… I would have aimed the knife better." He pointed towards Edward's shoulder nearly accusingly. "It doesn't even bleed anymore!"

Edward's blue eyes grew wide with indignation. "What! Truth is that you didn't aim at all and-"

"Hey, Your Majesty." Tristan interrupted him with a charming grin. "Don't forget that thanks to me you got to play the hero!" He winked towards Leah who was just now trying to bandage the wound scantily and was not paying much interest to anything else besides her task.

Edward's face first paled, then reddened and his mouth opened only to close again rather quickly.

"See Gobs!" Tristan triumphed with exaggerated joy. "No one seems to have any objections against my further company."

Golbez raised a hand towards his forehead where a headache seemed to be building.

"You… you had all this planned, right?"

"Well, I had to think of the possibility that I wouldn't be able to kill you, so this here is plan B." Tristan said slightly sheepishly.

"I just hope that there isn't a plan C in which you stab us in the back, again," Leah had finished taking care of Edward and was now watching Tristan with a look of distrust, but also slight amusement.

"No, I'd never do that!"The flaxen haired swindler put all his powers of persuasion into the words. "I also never intended to harm Edward or you, but you know - things happen…And now let's go, shall we? Hey!" He gasped in shock as Golbez gripped him at the collar, raising him upwards.

_"Things happen? _This means that you'll probably try to betray me once more. Don't try to kill me again, I warn you, or you could be the one to who _things happen_!"

"A… alright…" For moment, Tristan's nervousness became apparent, but it disappeared as soon as Golbez had set him on the ground, again: "But you know Golbez - I thought that you liked people trying to kill you! The number with the knife last night was extraordinary!" He grinned nastily.

For a moment; Edward forgot completely the pain of his wound, as he had the blue-planet shattering pleasure of seeing Golbez blush.

xOx

The higher the group climbed Mt. Ordeals, the icier the wind became. The mountain was in the merciless grip of winter, a frozen, stony desert in which a snowstorm was raging, making it hard for Golbez and his companions to see even their hands before their eyes. To the dark wizard, the inhospitable conditions were well fitting to the inner frost that filled him when he thought of his nearing meeting with KluYa …

_"I wonder how Cecil felt when he climbed the mountain, his soul tainted with evil deeds, as well. And Dawn…" _

A cold hand slipped into Golbez's like it was the most natural thing in the world. Slightly startled, he held onto it and watched Leah's shivering figure out of the corner of his eye. "I still haven't thanked you for saving my life. It-"

"-it is something you didn't deserve…" Leah ended his sentence through clattering teeth. "And I won't even disagree with it! Still, I came back." Despite the cold, she offered Golbez a warm smile. "That's human illogic, eh?"

"Yes, probably…" Golbez grumbled, feeling slightly stupid that the so often derided habit of humans to act without thinking was the one thing that had helped save his life.

"Say Leah-did you have any new memories?"

Leah stopped abruptly and it was visible that she was trying to stay calm. "Now are you starting again? I bet this Dawn was here on the mountain, right? Or is it still about Ko Min? No, I don't remember anything and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you! Why do you still care?"

"Call it thirst for knowledge!" Golbez snapped.

"Thirst for knowledge? Thirst for love, I'd call it. But you know - I bet she wouldn't love you! She wouldn't love you like… Ah, you're so... so…"

"Can't you two stop quarrelling for just one minute?" Edward stomped through the snow towards them, Tristan following behind. The bard looked tired, but still managed to give Golbez, or better, his hand that was still holding Leah's, an annoyed glance before addressing the young woman.

"Did you really think that he would start to act differently in front of you just because you saved him? What do you expect from him?"

"More than she can expect from you, bard. If it comes to a fight here, you'll be the first to need protection!" Golbez hissed, feeling strangely insulted.

Edward bowed his head, red shame shooting into his face. "It's right that I can't fight well, but at least I'm not taking advantage of other people like you or Tristan!"

"Excuse me?" Outraged, Tristan began to run from one person to another like an upset weasel. "Don't you set me even with Golbez! It's not my fault if he is stupid enough to trust me! It's because of Leah that he was stumbling about like a love sick idiot!"

"What!" Both Golbez and Leah exclaimed in disbelief.

"I should have given you a beating when the time was right, but it's never too late for these things!" For the first time it seemed that the dark haired wizard was not only making threats and Tristan backed fearfully away.

"A quarrel… Hate… Lies… Violence…" A deep voice sounded amidst the raging storm. "It is not difficult to find you, Master Golbez. But you never were one of the subtle sort, Destroyer of Nations…" Out of the wall of swirling flakes, a tall, white robed figure broke through; short white hair and a short beard framed ageless features, intelligent green eyes and a grave expression.

"Ko Min..." Golbez murmured, so lost in the appearance of the Lunarian that he didn't notice what Leah was doing when she had taken his sword out of the scabbard, raising it against the stranger.

"So you are Ko Min after all. What do you want of us?" Her voice was shaking slightly.

"Don't-" Golbez held Leah back at the hand. "A sword is not needed. This is about magic…"

She followed his wish with hesitation, but let go of the weapon and took a step back.

"I see that you have failed, Tristan…" Ko Min glanced sternly at the flaxen haired man, who had paled considerably. "I told you that failure is not acceptable, didn't I?"

"Uh... that…" Tristan began to stutter nervously. "I-"

"Silence." Ko Min ordered calmly. "I did not expect any better of you. The foul and the evil always kill the good ones, but never their own kind…"

"Are… are you saying that Golbez and I are-"

"Don't worry, Tristan," Golbez's deep voice sounded sarcastically. "Ko Min is not talking about you, but about me. He surely wanted to remind me that it wasn't me who killed Zemus but my brother, that I, the one who had killed so many innocent people before, was not strong enough to raise his powers against him, against one of my kind."

_"When the times of honor are over, the time of weakness will begin…"_ Why was he thinking of this sentence just now?

Ko Min shook his head. "Your failure had nothing to do with power, but with the evil inside you. It is in all the children of Klu Ya… Your brother might have become a Paladin, but his past as a Black Knight has left his soul stained. He is only slightly better than you."

"How dare you!" Edward, who had watched the whole scene frozen until now, could no longer bear to stay silent.

Ko Min was not even looking at him. "I'm only saying the truth. However, I might decide to spare your friend since he is so popular among the Lunarian elders. Master Golbez's death, though, will delight everyone - except maybe for this weak fool FuSoYa."

"I have no doubt about the fact that many will welcome my death." Golbez admitted coldly. "But tell me: Why have you waited so long to meet me in person?"

"Because I wanted to watch you and to collect proof that your execution is justified. I'm no murderer and I don't want that the Lunarian council condemns that I _killed_ one of our ranks, when all I'm trying to do is to carry the heavy burden of eradicating what we are at fault for. We Lunarians are a peaceful race that wants to coexist with the humans in harmony like we did before our misguided brother Klu Ya cursed the lands with his violent offspring."

"I think that the thing you're interested in is not peace, but power and influence… And since a final separation of the moon and the Blue Planet would mean a lack of just that, you have to convince the elders that there is no need to "abandon" the humans," Golbez replied dryly, although a fit of shame made it hard for him to keep up the cool facade.

_"Abandoning… I lied to Cecil… I abandoned him, too… " _He tried to fight down the sudden thought - this was not the time to ponder about such things.

Ko Min was unmoved by Golbez's words. "The power I'm interested in is a "good" power," he patiently explained in a nearly gentle tone. "It's a power used for the benefit of all people, a power of order and peace: Not a power like yours which is only used to destroy and kill." He gave Golbez a thoughtful stare out of the bright green eyes that seemed to wander into the dark depths of his soul-

"I…" Whatever Golbez had wanted to say to his defense, the thought was swallowed by yet another memory which came unwelcomed into his mind - it was like he was living through all these horrible dreams once again!

"Why aren't you saying anything, Golbez?" Leah asked nearly angrily. "Tell him that you have changed! That you have learned to use your powers for the benefit of others…"

_"She fights for me… But does she know how you once watched her kind? How you desired absolute control over others?"_

"Besides you _tried_ to fight against Zemus…" it escaped Edward's lips - for some reason Ko Min was scaring him more than Golbez had ever done.

_"Why does he defend me? He is the one who is weak, yet he has the strength to stand up for others when I can't… Does he know that you felt no regret when you killed his men and family? Do you even now feel true regret?"_

"Why don't you answer, Master Golbez?" Ko Min asked. "Tell me that you have bettered yourself."

_"To better yourself…"_ The words were familiar to him… Had he bettered himself?

Hadn't he opened up to Leah?

_"No. Lies. You are only using her, hurting her to compensate for the guilt you feel upon letting Dawn die."_

Hadn't he spared Tristan?

_"No. Cowardice. Cowardice because he is your own kind."_

Hadn't he saved Edward from death?

"_No. You did it only to mock him, to be able to see how much power you still had over life and ruin of your victims. Yours to give, yours to take…"_

"Golbez? What's the matter?" Leah's voice asked anxiously next to him.

"He remembers…" Ko Min said nearly reverential. "Golbez, do you remember? Remember the dreams I sent you… Remember the reality of your deeds and then answer me: Have you changed?"

"I… No…" The memories overcoming him seemed to burn themselves into his inner eye, marking him forever; every evil deed he'd ever committed, small and big alike plunged itself like sharp needles in his conscience and every time he tried to hurl the flaming pain away, tried to fade out the pictures before his mind, more memories crashed upon him like an avalanche; another wave of bitter guilt hit him, buried him, filled his being with nothing but black despair. It felt like his brain would explode from the pain in it and holding his hands to his head, lost in the middle of a giant dark vortex of suffering, he broke down into the snow.

Cold embraced him and suddenly the pain stopped and it was silent, silent like he had reached the eye of the storm. It was empty here; he was alone in a dull, dead vacuum, surrounded by nothing but walls of ice.

"Golbez!" The silence was dispersed.

"What have you done to him? Is this what you call justice? To torture him in such a cruel way?" The voice was now brighter; the wall was touched, getting melted by warmth. "Can't you see that he is already suffering enough under what he has done?"

"Then death will be a relief to him." Golbez raised his head and beheld Ko Min stepping towards him while slowly raising his hands; his eyes were still fixed on Leah, however. "Who is cruel, girl? Do you want to let him live with such pain?"

"After the pain stops, there always comes the healing!"

Her voice was warm like her touch and filled the emptiness with meaning.

Ko Min sighed. "You poor girl... Your lack of memory must have made you vulnerable to his "charms" or whatever it is that your misguided soul could find in such a monster… The teleportation from the moon must have destroyed more in you than expected… "

"Teleportation from the moon? You said that you knew me - who am I?" Her voice was no longer calm, but afraid now and Golbez felt that his strength was wavering, as well, as if it was connected with Leah's inner state.

_"He should stop telling her lies…"_

"I have no idea who you are or why you interrupted your sleep and fled to the Blue Planet, but I know _what_ you are: a Lunarian. I know one when I see one."

"What?" Leah's voice faltered.

Golbez had never before witnessed Leah as insecure as now and it filled his soul with rage that Ko Min's words made her weak - her, who had always been so strong.

_"Need your strength…"_

"Seeing that you are of my own kind, it is disappointing that you were not much of a help in dealing with Golbez," For the first time, Ko Min sounded menacing. "I'll decide what to do with you when I'm finished with him."

"Keep your hands off her!" Golbez growled between clenched teeth and raised himself on staggering legs. "I will not let you confuse her anymore!"

Ko Min watched him, surprised. "Oh… So you want to fight? I thought you'd accept your sentence more willingly."

"I deserve punishment, but not by death…" Golbez tried to shake his head free of the thoughts - and of the anger that was filling him. "I hurt a lot of people and I owe it to them to make it up to them as best as I can. I will not run away from responsibility any more. You are a danger to all beings on the moon and the Blue Plant with your self-righteous justice, which knows neither forgiveness nor sympathy!"

"How do you dare!" Ko Min's figure stiffened and his tall figure straightened imposingly. "I will teach you that the likes of you should not speak such words from their foul mouths! ICE!"

Amidst the whirling snow flakes, giant icicles rose like stalagmites out of the trembling earth, ready to skewer everything in their way.

"FIRE!"

The columns were melted by a rain of blazing fireballs before they had even risen fully.

"Don't mess with me!" Golbez let out a low chuckle. For some reason, it never had been easier for him to summon the magic energies and to counter a spell - it was like the most powerful magic was only waiting for him to unleash it with a snap of his finger. Was it because some hidden might of the mountain was strengthening him?

Ko Min regarded him attentively. "You wield a lot of power. And I can see in your eyes how much you enjoy wielding it. Wielding a power which cost the lives of so many people... You act like you curse it, but you still use it... And you want to tell me that you have changed?"

The banter from the man became unbearable for Golbez - not only because the Lunarian had tortured him with his mind manipulating abilities during the whole voyage, but because he had also confused Leah with his mysterious assertions. The rage in Golbez as well as the magic power in him grew stronger and stronger until it felt like he would burst - the magic beckoned to be left out.

And he let it.

Red fire filled him with a burning desire, his soul was set ablaze, mirroring in his eyes and Golbez's expression changed. It was a hungry look, inclined to-

_"Kill you!"_

"NUKE!"

"Psyche!" Ko Min countered, the green mist immediately draining Golbez's magic energy, so that his spell fizzled before even reaching the Lunarian.

The dark wizard laughed disdainfully. "Think you'll get me by draining my magic? It's so huge that I could cast Nuke thousands of times!" In fact, he felt more powerful than ever before, now, in this moment-

"Golbez, stop it…" Leah begged quietly next to him. "You're making me afraid! Don't lose control!"

Golbez wasn't listening. _"No one can stop me… "_

"METEO!"

The burning rain from the sky came immediately, not distinguishing between friend and foe -

"Hey - be careful! You'll get us all killed!" Tristan tried together with Edward to find some cover in the barren surroundings of the mountain.

Golbez did not care - after his soul had nearly succumbed to nothingness, his mind was now filled with joy by the feelings the magic invoked in him.

_"Hot red rain... So better than the cold, colourless one... Makes me feel... so alive..."_

Despite the flaming missile which had hit him, Ko Min was still standing.

"You forget that although you are able to wield stronger black magic than I, I have an ability you have not…" the white haired man panted.

"Golbez - he's planning something! Don't attack!" Leah grabbed Golbez arm, but the wizard shook her off.

"Don't fear - don't you see that I'm trying to use my power for good like you said?"

_"Helpless before my power…"_

The feeling of victory surged though him

_"I may have to carry the guilt of the world on my shoulders, but at least I'm not weak… Not weak…" _

The slightest of smiles spread across Ko Min's lips as Golbez raised his arms once more:

"BOLT!"

"Golbez, no!" Leah pounded against his chest, but it was too late.

Ko Min had already raised his arms: "WALL!"

Golbez was thrown back by the impact - but it hadn't been the bolt spell, but Leah's form that now slacked in his arms. Slowly he realized that she accidentally had been in the line of the reflected attack spell.

"I... told... you…" he could hear her whisper and the smell of burning flesh filled his nostrils.

_"The sweet smell of destruction… No-"_ His eyes widened in utter horror as he realized that _this_ smell wasn't sweet like it once used to be... It was sickening, acidic… It seemed to him as if time had stopped just for him to come to his senses again - a moment ago he had felt so alive and now…

_"Leah…"_

This power, _his_ power… It brought only…

_"Death…"_

He slumped with her in his arms into the snow, her body heavy, so heavy all of a sudden…

"In contrast to you, I can use White magic…" Ko Min looked down on him with more reproach than pity. "I told you not to mess with me - now you see what has happened! Had you listened to her, she would have lived."

Edward shook his head, hot tears gathering into his eyes. "You did this and then boast that you are able to use white magic? White magic is used to heal and protect, not for killing!"

"It was her fault to stand on his side!" Ko Min replied calmly and slowly opened his arms. "And now I'll finish this… Golbez, prepare yourself. WHITE!"

Golbez looked up into the glaring ball of light that was floating towards him, a serene light, so peaceful, so much better than the hard reality in which he was sitting in the cold snow, a passing life in his embrace-

_"Still, I cannot die before-"_ But it was too late - the light was coming nearer, and he closed his eyes, waiting.

"WALL!"

Everything was black once more.

"Ko Min - you have no right to judge others…"

Golbez opened his eyes to see Fu SoYa standing before him; a groaning Ko Min curled at his feet.

"I feared that you would be no match for him, so I decided to help you a bit, child…" Fu So Ya smiled slightly.

"Help… me?" Golbez brought forth - then he became aware once more of the weight in his arms.

"Leah? Leah?" It was as if everything else around him became invisible in this moment - as if her face was the only sight that existed, the blue of her eyes the only existent colour - and the blue was paling.

"Golbez…" Her voice was barely audible and he bent down to hear her better. "You never told me... how it really felt… your first kiss…"

_"What?"_ How could she ask him such a question in this moment? She was dying! How could this be important for her?

"It… it… was… warm… and secure…" He could barely speak out the words - a lump of sadness was choking him and for the first time, it was not only sadness about himself…

Leah tried to smile, but she failed. "Now... it's so cold… I don't want to die…"

"You... you don't have to…" he said, although every fiber of Golbez's logic screamed: _"No - that is not true! It was your spell that hit her - it would be too strong for anyone."_

Edward was saying something, but Golbez didn't hear it - he only heard her fading breath.

"Liar…" she coaxed. "Hold me… feels more warm…"

"No. Leah... Hold on!" Golbez pulled her more into his embrace; but the cold rigidity of her body would not lessen, more it was spreading over him, too. Her breathing was so shallow now that there was hardly any sound... He looked up to FuSoYa, pleadingly.

"Can't you…"

FuSoYa regarded him sorrowfully. "No…"

A sudden burst of rage went through Golbez. "Uncle! She has nothing to do with my deeds! Help her! She's dying!" he snapped, his voice dark and torn.

"You don't understand! It cost me enough powers to get here! I'm old... too old and it took all my energy to generate a wall which could reflect something as powerful as Ko Min's White spell," the Lunarian explained, huffing.

"No! It cannot end that way - I cannot let her die… Let a person die once more…" Disbelief spoke out through Golbez, mixed with anger.

_/Anger will lead you nowhere…/_

"Who said that?" Golbez thundered.

"Said what?" Tristan was the only one who was rather composed, despite Leah's lifeless form in Golbez's arms.

"Brother…" FuSoYa whispered softly, wise green eyes no longer directed on Golbez but gazing towards the misty mountaintop, which shone through only barely in the storm around them.

_/You must let go…/_


	18. Chapter 17: Between ebony and ivory

**Chapter 17**

**Between ebony and ivory**

"I must let go?" Golbez was past wondering who was speaking to him. "I should just let her die?"

_/No. Heal her./_

Golbez let out a desperate laugh that floated on the verge of madness. "I cannot use white magic! I can't!"

_/You can…_/ The voice was like a whisper in the wind, but rang clearly to make its stand against the roar of the reigning storm.

"How? How?" Golbez was shouting on the top of his lungs.

_/It is a gift, but you must abandon your-/ _

A gust of wind seemed to swallow the last words.

"What must I abandon? What?"

"Only Lunarians or specially chosen people can use black as well as white magic…" Fu So Ya said softly. "And you're only a half-Lunarian… So if you want to use healing magic..."

Golbez looked up towards him. "You're telling me to give up my black powers?" His eyes darkened with bitterness. "That is not possible."

"Child… Will you really admit defeat before you have even tried it?" FuSoYa's voice was sharp now and nearly impatient.

"Do you think that the shrine on top of the mountain can help, Master FuSoYa?" Edward asked quietly. "It was destroyed, though, and Golbez would never reach it in time anyway…"

"I know that myself! And still I will try!" Golbez did not care how he sounded, how he was acting beyond all logic-

_"Like some stupid human would…"_ Nearly stubbornly, he gathered Leah's lifeless form in his arms, ready to carry her to the end of the world if necessary.

"Wait! Since when is rashness one of your weaknesses, as well?" FuSoYa's wrinkled hand pressed on his shoulder, urging him to stay down. "There is no need to go anywhere. The top of Mt. Ordeals is the place where the soul of your father was enshrined, but it is the whole mountain that gives - and takes. You won't have to fight like your brother did - all you have to do is to give."

"Sounds easy enough to me." Tristan shrugged with his shoulders. "Go for it, Gobs!"

FuSoYa shook his head. "I fear that the task is not anywhere near easy. Giving is much harder than taking. The question is, child, can you get rid of such a power as you posses?"

Golbez looked down to the woman in his arms. _"But of course -"_ he wanted to say, but knew that it was a lie. Even in this moment where part of his mind was numbed by despair, he still could feel the energies running through him; feel them _even stronger_ than ever before. His ability of black magic was an inseparable part of him, the power _was him_.

_/Not true…Look inside yourself…/_

Golbez didn't know if it was the voice or FuSoYa who had said it, but he tried to calm down his breathing and concentrate. He closed his eyes, but after just a second, they fluttered open involuntarily to check if the person in his arms was still breathing.

_"You have to pretend - just pretend that she's not dying…"_

There he was again - pushing logic aside for human ignorance and still there was no other way -

His eyes closed for the second time and, slowly, he let his mind drift into the grey reaches of his soul. Muddy waters of past memories floated by; vague impressions of cruel deeds; of scraps of conversation in which he had given meaningless words of apology for what he'd done; of moments of regret that he couldn't lead a normal life, couldn't be a guiltless person…

His thoughts dove deeper with no effort, as if the heavy load of guilt itself was taking them down to the dark depths of the grey, and he still felt strangely calm. The bleak state of his soul was no surprise to him and its colourlessness - except for the ever same grey -was something he had expected.

He hadn't expected what came next, though, and his heart began to beat faster. There, below him, it was - an unshapely black lump; interlaced with crimson veins which pounded angrily and steadily. Golbez instinctively knew that this was the source of the grey, the source of the darkness in him:

It was his magic, the powerful black magic Zemus had instilled in him that had been poisoning his soul all along.

_"But how can it be? It cannot be that easy... " _There was no guilt to overcome then, just this power - by letting go of his magic, his soul would become brighter, clearer - his deeds, his_ life_ would become clearer to him…

Panic filled Golbez as he realized the consequence of it, the consequence of having to see everything clearly...

_"I can see in your eyes how much you enjoy wielding your power. You act like you curse it, but you still use it... " _Ko Min's words echoed through his head. It was right - though he had tried to better himself by trying to remain controlled, by fighting against the rage in him, he had never hesitated to cast a fire or bolt spell, although his magic had been the one thing that had brought death to people.

_"Many people are able to wield black magic. Is it wrong for one to have power as long as you try to use it for a good purpose?"_

_/You're not simply using it.../ _

_"Not simply using it, but -" _Golbez confronted himself with these words, tried to understand them by letting them painfully enter his heart, his mind, until suddenly, reality unveiled before his eyes and he finally saw it:

He saw the lie he had been living by cowardly pretending that he was facing the hate the world brought against him.

The truth was that he had not simply used his power, but hid behind it. He had always said that he wanted to atone for his crimes, but had he ever really felt the wrath and grief of others? People never confronted him directly as they feared him because of the magic he wielded; they would regard him scowling, but only from afar; they would whisper, but only behind his back, because they knew that he was stronger than they were.

But without his strength, his magic, he would no longer be protected…

_"You'd have to pay for real then…"_

Could he endure it? He was afraid. He noticed something wet on his face, running down his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut even more, until the lids felt like they were trembling. He didn't want to see his tears, these signs of weakness and self-pity in a moment where the life of an important person was at stake...

_"Without power… How should I feel alive…? How should I feel anything? How?"_

_/It is a lie to say that you are not feeling anything…Remember…/ _

Yes, it was true - he had felt and _was _feeling. He felt alive when being with _her._

The power made him feel alive, too, but it also destroyed everything, the deceptive joy it brought was never lasting... Even now it was pulling him back into the comfortable greyness of his soul, where only a pretended guilt and fatalism existed, no truth…

"You need me," it seemed to murmur, "I'm the memory of your deeds. I'm there to punish you…"

_"No, I don't need such a memory to remember what I have done… You are the means by which I was able to do what I did - I killed by your usage. You were the thing ruling me. You cannot help me to atone…"_

With a violent mental motion he let go, watching terrified how the black lump sank deeper, painfully dragging the water around him with it - Golbez felt like he would suffocate, as if it had been the dark muddy liquid he had been breathing all along. Panicked, he felt the urge to grab for the lump, to keep it from disappearing as if his very life depended on it and it was like he was living through one of the dreams again, these dreams where it had been his inability to see the truth which had brought him death -

_"No! I'm not dependent on you. I'm only hiding behind you… Such a power as yours is... cheating." _

Bringing up all control he could manage, he forced himself to watch how the powerful black object floated out of his reach and, just like the grey liquid around him, was getting sucked away by something, some kind of hidden vortex at the very core of his being. A sharp pang went through his lungs as they drew in the first air, cold air, mercilessly filling his body and a dazzling white that blinded his eyes. As his vision returned again, he could no longer feel the presence of the dark power.

Golbez felt alone all of a sudden, like a very tiny and lost particle in the white nothingness around him. But no - he suddenly noticed that not everything was white, but that there still were bubbles out of grey and black water floating around him, as if the light had not been able to shine on everything dark his soul harbored. The comfort the familiar feeling of gloom gave him was shaken by the fear that he still hadn't conquered his black magic. But he knew that it had been enough as he heard, or more accurately _felt,_ the words…

He opened his eyes and spoke them aloud. It were words he did not know, words that did not belong to any known magic language and he had forgotten them just shortly after having them uttered, the glimmer surrounding Leah's body the only remains of having spoken them out at all.

"Warm…" Her lips moved softly, before she weakly opened her eyes.

At the sound of her voice, Golbez forgot for a second the nagging emptiness that pained him, now that neither black nor white magic were filling him anymore.

"Leah, how do you feel?"

"Not... very good…" she whispered hoarsely.

Unasked, FuSoYa knelt down next to her. "Cure." Once more, white surrounded Leah's body.

"You said you couldn't -"

Golbez was interrupted by the patient voice of the old man: "She'll make it…"

"You have cried…"

"I… was afraid…" Golbez looked down at Leah and tried to grin, but failed completely.

Leah was looking at him earnestly. "I was afraid, too. I guess that makes us both to cowards."

"No, only me. It also is my fault that -" Golbez stopped as FuSoYa sharply drew in breath.

"Don't you hear?"

_/Come… to me… please…/_

"Klu Ya…" Golbez murmured. "I cannot -"

"No, you must go." Leah urged him, her voice still weak. "I'll be all right."

"I'll be accompanying you," FuSoYa said.

Golbez frowned. "What about Ko Min? He -"

"While you were helping Leah, I put a strong sleep spell on him." FuSoYo explained quickly. "I doubt that he'll awake before the next twenty-four hours…"

"No!" Leah exclaimed and immediately bit her lip, as if she had said something wrong. "Never mind…" She closed her eyes, exhausted by her sudden outburst.

_"Is it because of what Ko Min told her about her origin?"_ There was no sense in thinking about this subject right now - Leah was alive and that was all that mattered to Golbez.

"Seems that you still had more magic power than you thought, uncle…" he grumbled and then instructed Edward to take his place at Leah's side. "Still, if Ko Min should awake, you -" with surprise Golbez saw how Tristan landed with a thump on Ko Min's back like on a shot animal, his knife pointed at the other's neck.

"Don't worry! Hey - I'm interested in staying alive, too!" the swindler winked mischievously; though there seemed to be more behind his cheerful attitude, this time.

"All right…" Golbez stood up. "Let us end this story." As relieved he felt only moments ago, he now was uncomfortable with the thought of finally being able to talk with his father.

xOx

Golbez felt weak and confused - his thoughts were swirling as incoherently as the white flakes around him and the walk to the mountain top seemed to be endless. He was empty, drained - the former joy about having saved Leah's life had only shortly brought back the colours before reality had caught up with him again, and with it the familiar feel of suppressed rage - and loneliness. Although he had yet to realize to full extent what losing his powers truly meant, he had already taken a glimpse of what lay buried in his soul: It was the horrible feeling of being alone and unprotected and his recurring sense of logic had pretty fast concluded the reason for this - or better the _culprit_ of it.

_"Klu Ya…" _The bridge before the shrine came into view now and the storm around them lessened miraculously like wanting to make sure that the mountain's visitors were safely able to cross it. Already from the middle of the wooden planks, the mess became visible.

Like Cecil had said, the shrine was broken due to a fight he'd fought here shortly after the Crystal War and a heap of pebbles was all that remained.

With a cry of regret, FuSoYa hurried towards the pile and knelt down before it, offering a silent Lunarian prayer. Golbez followed him slowly and looked down at the pile with a raised eyebrow, his face cold.

"So that's the place where KluYa spoke to Cecil before… And now all that's left are some stones... Fitting for a grave." He knew that it was a horrible thing to say, but he did not want to suppress his thoughts. His power was no longer there to hide behind, but there was still his sarcasm and he would be damned if he would let his true feeling in this moment show: Pure anxiousness.

FuSoYa's sudden gasp startled him - the stones had started to glow softly in a strange kind of light.

_/Golbez… knew it…/ _

The voice from before sounded again, a bit louder now, although some words were hardly audible at all. It was a warm voice and could have been called young if it hadn't been filled with the grief of the old.

"Klu Ya?" Golbez's voice was harder than he had wanted it to sound. "Are you the reason why the moon is here?

"Golbez!" FuSoYa reprimanded him sternly. "This is no way to speak to your father!"

_/Let him talk, brother… Yes… I was the one who brought… But... That was not the real… question… why you came…/_

Golbez's face was still a white mask of stone and he spoke out the words nearly mechanically. "I'm glad that you are as direct as I am. Why did you separate Cecil and me?"

_/Still not the real question…/_

"Don't tell me what to ask!" the dark-haired wizard snapped, feeling every trace the black had left in his body growing.

_/So much impatience... But still.. You understand now, right/_

"Understand what? That my black magic, the very black magic you allowed Zemus to instill in me, is a curse you now helped me to get rid off?"

_/No... Did not do much to help you… I thought you had understood... But there's still so much hate left... My fault.../_

"Yes - yes, _it is _your fault! Did you help me to save Leah to atone for your doing?" In this moment, everything he had longed to say just gushed out of Golbez's mouth in an angry torrent. "You gave me away! You abandoned me! Cecil was at least given the chance to see the light! But I was just… left _alone_!"

For a moment there reigned a silence, which brought a disdainful smile on Golbez's lips.

_"He does not know what to say… He knows about his guilt. **His** guilt, not mine." _

The stones shone a bit brighter before Klu Ya spoke once more:

_/I was weak… Zemus… He did know of your power… your's and your brother's… Children of a human and a Lunarian… a new race… We had no chance… We split you… your mother took your brother... before she was killed by Zemus, she was able to bring him to Baron…/_

The false smile left Golbez's face. "You just left me to Zemus because you knew that my soul was lost to the darkness, anyway…" he hissed, ignoring FuSoYa indignant stare in his direction.

_/No…/ _Klu Ya's voice stayed calm, though._ /Your soul was the same as your brother's. Soul of a child. I took you with me… knew I had to hide you… but I wasn't as strong... as your mother… couldn't give you away…./_

_/Couldn't give you away…/_

_/Couldn't give you away…/_

The sentence echoed through the icy air and although Golbez knew what the words meant, the warmth of them did not reach his heart.

"Selfish weakling…" he spat out.

"Golbez!" FuSoYa thundered.

_/But he is right… Zemus found me… Too strong… Couldn't protect you… I was too weak… even now I'm… and selfish, too… for bringing back the moon…/_

"Klu Ya… You don't mean -" Fu SoYa was staring at the pile with widened eyes, which were slowly getting filled with a bitter and sad look of realization that the enraged Golbez failed to notice completely.

"Yes - it is selfish to bring back the moon just so you could return!"

The stones burned brighter, as if the force inhabiting them was undergoing strong emotions.

/_No… not the reason… No return for me to the moon… I'm weak… dying…/_

"What? But then why did you bring it back? Thanks to you I'm here agai-" Golbez trailed off, a terrible truth revealing in this moment.

_"But it couldn't be…"_ The thought was too improbable, too _crazy_ to be true.

_/Brother… Forgive me… but my guilt... I couldn't…/_

_"It can't be…"_ Everything Golbez had put ready inside his mind, everything he had wanted to confront the other with, dissolved in this moment.

"I understand… It… I understand…. I should have never listened to him as he said that he wanted to go to the moon with me…" Fu So Ya said lowly, still kneeling before the pile.

"Now stop this!" Golbez could no longer hold back his despair. "Don't tell me that all this has anything to do with me! That he brought the moon back because of me! That… that isn't _possible_…!"

_/Endless sleep is not for you… wanted you…to decide… It cost much power to draw the moon… but the mountain helped… but even if not… my wish… would have... been strong enough… even that now… strength is fading…/ _

Wordlessly, but clearly grief-stricken, FuSoYa turned his gaze away from the glowing pile.

_/Don't grief… have done enough to deserve this…My son… take care… of Cecil… too/_

Golbez still hadn't really understood his father's words. "Take care? Take care of Cecil? You're asking that of me? I'm the one who killed! I'm the one who needs to get taken care of!"

_/That… was… reason... why I brought… moon back… To take care of… of my child…of my beloved son…/_

Golbez did not know what to say - his father had done all this just to get _him_ back? To preserve his son from endless sleep?

_"His beloved son…"_ He stared at the stones, his dark eyes unbelieving and full of shock.

_/Have a better life… than I did… just sorrow… until your brother came... and now you… I just wish you would realize.../_ The voice trailed off and the light died away.

"Klu Ya!" FuSoYa shouted, but no answer came. The Lunarian bowed his white head.

"Is… is he dead?" Golbez asked dimly into the silence.

His uncle could do nothing more than nod, the grief overwhelming him.

"He died… because he used up his power… because of… of me! _Someone as worthless as me_ and I -" Golbez fell down to his knees and slammed a fist on the cold ground.

"Golbez! Keep control!" FuSoYa whirled around, but his eyes softened as he saw that Golbez's expression was not angry:

It was sad.

The black haired wizard closed his eyes, feeling lonelier than ever before in this moment, so lost and little against the sacrifice his father had made.

"I used to wish that Klu Ya… that my father loved me… But I couldn't believe that he did - you do not abandon someone you love, although I have never been better in my life…" he stammered hoarsely. "Now I finally see...But it is too late..."His dark eyes opened, filled with painful regret - and realization. "It seems like I was the one who abandoned _you_, father. Forgive me for doubting you. I think I understood what you wanted me to show." He bent his head, but raised it, as a slight shimmer blinded his gaze: The stones were showing the faintest of glows once again.

_/My wish... came... true... I'm proud… and happy… /_ it echoed softly, nearly cheerfully through the air.

"Father! Father?" There came no answer and as the stones before him dissolved into soft, glittering dust and were blown away by the wind, Golbez finally understood that the light had faded forever...

He felt tears running down his cheeks, but this time he did not close his eyes before them, but let them flow strongly, washing away the dark stains in his soul. With them, they were taking away the grief of ages in a wave of shame: Shame for not having seen right away what it had been that his father had wanted him to understand.

Shame for not having realized sooner that his road had never been a lonely one.

**

* * *

**

_Author's notes: The final curtain draws near (not many chapters left now) and my author's notes get longer for unknown reasons... Concerning this chapter: See – you were nearly right with your presumptions, PhiloWorm. ;) __Many of you were also wondering in the reviews about Leah and her real identity. The answer to this might be a bit... difficult since this is not her story, but Gob's and Edward's one and— __Well, I guess __you'll have to see for yourself what I mean in the next chapter... _

_As always, I'd also like to thank you all for your comments – I'll be sure to give some of you "honourable mentions" in the final notes at the end of the story! _

_-T_


	19. Chapter 18: Magenta moon

_Author's notes: Thank you very much for the latest reviews! Although I usually don't like to tell my readers how to "understand" my story, I'd like to point out one thing concerning the question of Golbez's white magic ability. The answer is: he no longer is able to use any magic – no white magic for Gobs, like some sentences in Chapter 17 also hint at. The spell he helped Leah with was some kind of healing magic, but I quote: "__…and he had forgotten them (the words) just shortly after having them uttered__". It seems that there was too much black in Golbez for the white magic to stay behind. This may disappoint some of you (that was why I said "nearly right", PhiloWorm ;) but maybe also reassure others (the image of Golbez in the outfit of a white mage is indeed horrid, seventhe…:) And now to (maybe) more confusing developments and to:_

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Magenta moon**

Golbez and FuSoYa found their waiting companions in the same fashion they had left them in, with the exception that Leah had recovered enough to stand. She was watching Golbez earnestly and somehow sadly and did not offer more words than a short greeting.

"How are you feeling?" the wizard asked and was surprised to hear that his voice was still hoarse and torn with grief.

"My state of health should… suffice." She quoted his former words without smiling. "You do not look well, either." It was a simple statement, no concern visible in her voice and Golbez suddenly felt as if they had become strangers, again.

"Klu Ya… My father… is gone," he told her.

"I'm not sure if you want to hear it, but I'm sorry for your loss…" Edward said quietly.

Golbez nodded, his gaze blank.

"We can talk later about what happened on the mountain top, children…" FuSoYa gave a worried look towards his nephew. "Let's hurry back to Mysidia - now, that the power of the Mt. Ordeals has vanished, there is no telling how long the moon will stay in orbit around the Blue Planet. Also, I want to take Ko Min back before he awakes. He will have to explain his actions before a Lunarian court."

"Master FuSoYa…" Leah said softly, "Can't you break the spell on Ko Min? He said that I was Lunarian…"

"No," it involuntarily escaped Golbez's lips. "It is too dangerous to wake him up again." Quickly, he added an explanation: "We have no means to stop Ko Min from using his mind manipulating abilities or his magic, now that I'm no longer able to use any magic. And FuSoYa is too exhausted to cast a spell." Golbez awaited an angry outburst from Leah, but the young woman ignored him completely and was still looking expectantly at FuSoYa.

"I fear that Golbez is right. I cannot allow Ko Min to regain consciousness while here on the Blue Planet. No restraints will be able to keep him from trying to get into someone's mind again. Only on the moon do we have the special means to seal his mental powers to enable an interrogation," the old Lunarian told her, his green eyes regarding her sympathetically.

"Good!" Tristan made no attempt to hide his relief. "I really didn't want to listen to the rambling of this guy, once more. Sorry about that, Leah…"

"Maybe he lied to you anyway and only wanted to confuse you…" Edward carefully joined into the discussion.

"And what if not?" Leah confronted him. "Ko Min said that he would always recognize a Lunarian…"

The white-bearded Lunarian regarded her long before answering: "If he really can do that, he is more gifted than I am. To tell an "average" Lunarian and an "average" human apart is not as easy as most people believe, neither by appearance, nor by the skills they possess…"

"Really?" Tristan studied FuSoYa, as well as Golbez, skeptically. "So the weird… er, I mean _distinctive_ appearance of you two is only a matter of style? Then again… you're probably not average…"

"It is true what Master FuSoYa said… No one suspected that Cecil was half-Lunarian, too, until his heritage was revealed on the moon," Edward said.

"What about the Lunarian who fled the moon, master FuSoYa?" Leah paid no attention to the objections of her travel companions.

"Child, it is true that now and then Lunarians awake, though not because they were woken up like Golbez, but because their will to rise is so strong. While the sleep will only lengthen the existence of old Lunarians like me, sometimes the young people of our race cannot endure the prospect of having to lead an existence in slumber without knowing when the moon will reach a new world to live… A Lunarian legend tells that the people of the Blue Planet and the people of the moon only met because some young Lunarians visited the new world against the wishes of their Elders. Young people in my world are not less rebellious than human youths." FuSoYa smiled at Leah. "Thus, although I know nothing about such a case, it is of course possible that one or several persons used the opportunity the current orbit of the moon presents and escaped the dull life on the moon. It would certainly explain why the teleport device was nearly used up."

"And my memories?" she asked.

"Teleporting over such a great distance demands a considerable mental effort from the person undertaking the journey. If someone is not capable of it, or if something during the teleport went wrong…"

"Maybe you _wanted_ to forget that you had been sleeping all this time in a room with snoring, old-" Tristan stopped his sentence with an amiable smile as he caught FuSoYa's stern gaze. "I was just trying to help! So, how are we going to find out if Ko Min told the truth?"

"The only means would mean to interrogate him or to consult other Lunarian Elders in the matter of Leah's identity. As old as I may seem, there are others who are older and wiser than I am. However, both options require that-"

"I had to go with you to the moon and that would mean to never return…." Leah bowed her head.

"You can decide about what you want to do when we've raised the whale…" FuSoYa was regarding the young woman, as well as Golbez, attentively. "As much as I understand your worries, we need to return to Mysidia now."

"Great idea. You moon people might be used to the cold, but I'm freezing." To emphasize his complaint, Tristan's teeth started to chatter.

"Don't worry, child. You'll get warm again during the descent. After all, you and Golbez will have to carry Ko Min all the way down. I feel too weary to cast float." FuSoYa ordered.

Tristan pulled a long face. "You people fly with your moon here and there, invented the airships and are able to summon a meteor rain, but when it comes to moving something from A to B, it's us weak humans who have to do the job! Lunatic Lunarians..."

xxx

In contrast to Tristan, Golbez didn't mind their load much - after all, his mind was too occupied with other things to take care of something profane like some stiff muscles.

He still felt numb and strangely hollow. During the last hours, it seemed that he had done nothing but lose things - first his control, then his magic and with it the inner walls that had been protecting him; and finally, his father. He had gotten Leah's life in return, but also obviously lost her trust and affection in exchange. Although the young woman was walking next to him, she was still ignoring him and had her calm gaze focused on the snowy path before her.

Golbez wondered what Leah was thinking about - she couldn't really think about returning to the moon, could she? This would mean his company and she certainly was not laying great stress on that…

_"She has seen my true self… And it has nearly killed her."_

"Le Ha…" She suddenly said pensively.

"Excuse me?" Golbez looked at her, surprised.

"My name - Leah… FuSoYa pronounces it differently. _Le Ha_… It sounds like a Lunarian name…"

_"It's only a name. It does not mean anything…"_

"Is that so? Well… Returning to the moon will be the only means to find out the truth about it…" He said and regretted doing so immediately - he didn't want her to go.

_"What an irony. All this time, you have been the one telling her that it is important to know the truth and now you wish that she would just forget everything…"_

"No matter how I decide, chances that I am Dawn have lessened considerably, haven't they?" Leah said emotionlessly.

_"I don't care!"_ it screamed inside Golbez's head. _"This is about you - not about her!"_

He desperately wanted to tell her his true opinion straight away or at least hide it in a witty answer, but he felt so weak, so lost, so empty since the happenings on Mt. Ordeals that he had not even strength for a rise of his eyebrow.

"Yes," he just stated plainly.

Leah nodded and fell silent for the rest of the journey.

Every step closer they came to Mysidia was painful to Golbez. Every step he asked himself if Leah, the woman who seemed to know so well who she was, would trade her free life for the possiblechance to learn about her origins. Did she even know how barren the moon was, how cold?

And did she know that if she would embark on the Great Whale, he would not?

xOx

Upon reaching Mysidia. FuSoYa immediately insisted on paying a visit to the Elder and hastily, he ushered the group, including their unconscious "load" Ko Min, through the crowd of staring and murmuring Mysidians. Golbez was not sure if it was only his imagination, but he had the feeling that the glares people gave him were less frightened; their whispering less quiet than before. It was as if the wizards could feel that there was no more power left in him to scare them away. It felt not as worse as he had expected, but still uncomfortable and he was nearly glad as the heavy white marble doors of the Crystal Tower closed behind him.

"Master FuSoYa - you have returned. Has your mission been a success?" the Elder of Mysidia greeted them, approaching them with fast steps. He stopped in his stride as he saw the unconscious man Tristan and Golbez were carrying and waved with his hands for some guards. "Imprison him in the Mysidian dungeon until the preparations for raising the Great Whale are complete."

"Thank you, Elder," FuSoYa bowed slightly. "I'm glad that you understand the urgency of the situation. Soon, the moon will leave the orbit of the Blue Planet since KluYa-"

"I know," The Elder said solemnly, "I have felt the magic disappearing. My deepest regrets…" He looked at Golbez and his companions. "You all seem tired. I have arranged some rooms in the inn for you. While I will discuss matters with Master FuSoYa, you should get some rest."

"I agree." FuSoYa faced Golbez. "We will meet in the tower later, then. Golbez, Miss Coven... You have time to decide until the sun has set. Reflect well."

"I understand." Leah said with an earnest expression.

Golbez did not reply, as he was lost in thought, and FuSoYa gave his nephew another concerned look before he followed the Elder deeper into the tower.

"It seems that your journey has ended at last, Golbez," Edward said with a questioning look in the other's direction.

"Hmm…" The black haired man was not really listening to him.

"That was a "yes", I think…" Tristan answered in Golbez's stead. "So it's time for a goodbye drink, right? Since it will be your last, you and Leah could pay, as well!"

"I'd rather like to rest. I… I am feeling tired and my body still feels strange… Just leave me alone." Nearly angrily, Leah exited the building.

Just a moment later, Golbez, loosing himself out of his rigidity, followed her wordlessly.

"What's the matter with those two? And where are you going?" Tristan wondered, looking at Edward, who was about to leave the tower, too.

"Seems like you'll have to drink alone. Our journey may have nearly ended, but this doesn't necessarily mean that it has a happy ending… After all, we are not living in a fairytale…" Edward told him without looking back.

Tristan's features twisted in half-earnest contemplation. "Well, I'm alive, Ko Min is no longer a danger, I have money and the world is just waiting for Tristan, the great adventurer. Sounds pretty much like happily ever after to me."

xxx

Edward leaned with his back against one of the white Mysidian houses and watched the beginning disappearance of the sun - it had been a long time since he had last done so and even longer since he had felt something while doing it. Today, though, the various shades of red invoked a conglomeration of different memories in him - there were the deep burgundy streaks that reminded him of Anna's hair, the brighter carmine ones that were nearly painful to watch in their blood-red intensity and the vermilion shimmering light over the horizon, which was as beautiful and strong as his lost love had been.

_"I wonder if Golbez has ever watched the spectacle of a sunset…"_

No, possibly not. Although something in and around Golbez had changed on the mountain, he was probably still living in his own world, and only Bahamut knew how it was looking in there right now… Edward assumed, though, that it was still a world filled with regret and guilt - he had seen this look in the other's face all the way back to Mysidia. It was no wonder to Edward - it was visible to anyone that Golbez held feelings for Leah. She had gotten hurt just because she had been at the wrong place at the wrong time, which meant that Golbez had no one to blame except himself and coincidence - and the latter one was a bad scapegoat, as Edward knew from own experience. How many times had he wondered what would have happened if the arrows had missed Anna, or if she hadn't been in the throne room on that fateful day at all, but playing the piano in the salon or visiting another town…

But then again, Golbez was better used in blaming himself than Edward, wasn't he?

And how did Leah feel? All the time as they had waited for Golbez to return from the mountain top, she had been silent. She had trusted Golbez, but the other's loss of control was probably so unforgivable in her eyes that not even the fact that her life had been saved by the wizard could make up for it. The bard wished that he could help Leah somehow - she had taught him so much about love and life and still, she obviously had not been prepared for what consequences her own emotions would have.

_"But no matter how heavy their problems weigh on Leah's and Golbez's shoulders, they know at least what to decide between…_ _Loving another or not…_ _Knowing the truth or not… Returning to the moon or not…"_

Tristan certainly hadn't any worries like that, but to Edward it seemed as if the seemingly aimless life of the swindler was more carefully planned than any other's one.

And he? On the journey he had undertaken, he had learned much, learned to feel again, learned to fight again. But did this also mean that he could fight for his Kingdom once again, care about it, go back to it: to go back to a building in which everything reminded him not only of Anna, but also of the dark moments in which he had no longer wished to see another day?

_"What am I wishing for now, anyway? To walk down one's road?"_ But where did this road start, where should _he_ start? Anna could no longer tell him what to do…

He looked into the sky, again, and noticed that the glow over the horizon had changed into a rose-coloured veil, reminding him of the colours of long past breathtaking dawns in early spring. It was like the sun wanted to give a foretaste of the beauties morning held in store, so that people would forget the dark winter nights and instead eagerly await the new day.

_"You have to let go…"_

Edward caught himself wishing to greet another beautiful sunrise, too.

xxx

_"Why doesn't she want to talk?"_ Golbez lay on his back on the bed, arms crossed under his head, his dark eyes tracing the bleak patterns on the ceiling above him. He had knocked on Leah's door several times, but she hadn't answered. Finally, he had noticed that the door was locked and since he know longer could just burn it with fire, he would have needed to break it open by force and he had refrained from doing so, since the Mysidian innkeeper was eyeing him already suspiciously enough.

During the last minutes, he had tried to logically weigh out the arguments for returning to the moon or not, but he didn't even know where to begin, since most of these arguments either started or ended with the factor "Leah". And he didn't even know what she had decided to do and could only speculate.

_"She has to go… But when she goes, I can't…"_ The prospect of having to fall into eternal sleep on the moon with Leah at his side was almost more horrible to him than the prospect of never seeing her again, at all.

How could he bear to watch to see these beautiful blue eyes closing again, to watch how these soft lips he had kissed, relaxed in probably endless slumber? He would never get surprised by her words again - _"or actions"_, he added with a little smile.

No, he would not be able to sleep with her at his side, would not be able to see her waste her life by falling into a slumber that was not hers to sleep. A slumber she possibly had already escaped, once.

On the other hand, he couldn't let her go alone if she decided to embark on the Great Whale, even more so as he felt guilty and responsible for the latest happenings.

_"If it hadn't been for you, she would have never met Ko Min or FuSoYa and would never have hadto make this decision…" _

Of course, he could try to change her mind and make her stay, but why should she listen to him? It was her past, her life - a life he had nearly destroyed…

And what about the wish of his father? KluYa had sacrificed his life to give him another chance and Cecil was waiting for him to return to Baron, too. Still, staying on the Blue Planet meant that he had to pay for real for his deeds, now that he had no magic to hide behind, to defend him with and he did not know if he had the strength to endure what this new life would mean for him, since-

_"Leah's lost to you… No matter if you stay with or without her, no matter if you return to the moon or not…" _

What should he do? Everyone seemed so senseless. He needed more time to plan his thoughts, to think through things more calmly-

There was a knock on the door.

"Master FuSoYa is asking for you." It was the grumpy voice of the innkeeper.

As Golbez rose and looked out of the window, he noticed to his horror that the sun had already almost gone down.

There was no time left now that would save him from having to decide.

xOx

In the sanctuary of the Crystal Tower, some of the Mydsidian priests had already begun to chant. Golbez's eyes searched for Leah - she was standing amongst the crowd of some spectators, talking with a Mysidia wizard. She turned around, meeting his gaze with - as it seemed to him - the most saddest of glances.

"Golbez, you are late. There's no time for a talk with her, now. We need you over here." FuSoYa commanded him to the top of a slight dais, where already the Elder and the highest ranking wizards had begun to mediate, humming lowly.

Like bidden, Golbez took his place next to his uncle and closed his eyes to concentrate. He fell into the strange chant of the wizards, making the humming swell on until it was filling the space around them. Slowly, the sounds changed into words, simple words of a simple wish whose fulfilment would not have simple consequences, though-

_Oh great whale, hear our plea._

_Rise from your grave in the sea_

_to unveil the still land_

_with the light of eternity_

_to give a new future_

_to the blue planet_

_with freedom and mercy._

Nothing happened.

An anxious restlessness laid itself over the people in the sanctuary.

"We just have to concentrate more. Shout louder!" FuSoYa had sweat breaking out on his forehead. The chanting started anew, more forcefully than before and some people in the crowd of spectators fell into the wishing song to help-

Golbez was the first to open his eyes again, as something bright shone through the crystalline window before him - with an ear-deafening roar, the coastline was ripped apart by a column of light, the waves parting to let a silvery metallic object rise. A reverent murmur went through the wizards and some were stepping closer to the window, their eyes dazzled with fascination as the Great Whale was showing them one last time its glorious spectacle of rising.

Golbez turned away from the view - the red light the last rays of the sun reflected on the steel hull of the ship hurt in his eyes.

"So, it's goodbye to the Blue Planet; isn't it?" he murmured.

FuSoYa laid his forehead in frowns, but didn't speak until the giant ship had settled on the ground of the outskirts of Mysidia. Then he sighed and faced Golbez with a reproachful expression.

"You know, child, I really thought that you would have been of more help…"

"What do you mean?" Golbez nearly snapped at him.

The old man smiled knowingly. "It is pretty hard to raise such a ship if someone is not wanting for it to appear."

"I-"

"Don't play dumb. I know that you only moved your lips. Your thoughts were far away and this is not surprising to me. You are still young; don't tell me you want to spend your life - like your young travel companion put it- with us old people snoring! My brother thought so, as well…"

"Despite what father wanted… I am supposed to return to the moon…" No matter how hard he tried, Golbez couldn't keep an undertone of guilt out of his voice. "I undertook the whole journey just for this purpose."

FuSoYa's features turned to stone. "Of course. The journey has to end like you planned it to at the beginning of it."

"Yes." Golbez tried to ignore the unusual cold tone of his uncle. He couldn't ignore the sight that followed next, though:

FuSoYa took a breath that was so deep that his face turned red and for a moment it seemed, as if the little green eyes of the Lunarian were about to pop out - the view would have been funny if it hadn't been for the fury in the old man's gaze... A fury that was proof of a temperament Golbez would not have believed his uncle to posses.

Just now, FuSoYa let out his breath together with a stream of angrily exclaimed words:

"You with your logical planned life! Life is not something to plan, but to live! You should know this by now! Had you _planned_ to make friends? Had you _planned_ to loose your magic abilities?"

"There's no need to shout!" Golbez tried to quiet the other as some wizards had already craned their heads in their direction, but FuSoYa was not about to end his lecture.

"Had you _planned_ to cry before the grave of your father? Had you _planned _to fall in lo-"

"I understand your point!" Golbez hissed, feeling how an angry flush coloured his features.

"Do you?" FuSoYa asked in a lower voice, looking at him with an expression of doubt.

"I know all this…" Golbez admitted, grateful that FuSoYa had stopped shouting. "But try to understand… Why should I stay here if she-"

FuSoYa interrupted him, his voice no longer sharp, but weary now - his former outburst had cost him more strength than the old man could handle. "Child, has the mountain not only taken your magic, but your intellect as well?" He motioned behind Golbez. "Wherever she is, Miss Coven is not going to the moon… I already presumed this. No matter where her past lay, her future is here. And who knows - maybe someday, her memory will return and who knows what she will find out about herself then."

As Golbez turned around, Leah seemed indeed to have disappeared. He felt the urge to search for her, but-

"I-I might not be able to make it back in time, so…"

FuSoYa had already grabbed his hand warmly. "I know. It's goodbye and not even a sad one. I know that we have left the Blue Planet much behind. My kind wishes to your brother, too."

Golbez wanted to reply with something cynical, but his face broke into a thankful smile all by his own. "I will deliver them."

A content look on his face, FuSoYa turned for the back exit of the tower which led to the Great Whale.

"Uncle, wait!" Golbez called after him.

"Yes, child?"

"Why did you say that you couldn't help Leah on the mountain? You could cast cure - you had enough power left…"

The old man's eyes blinked nearly mischievously. "How would you call it? Had I helped it would have been… cheating." He bowed. "Farewell, nephew. May you find your own way like the rest of the people on the blue planet; now, that the age of the Lunarians has ended. And now run. And for once not away from something, but after."

"I understand." Golbez turned around and quickly made his way towards the exit, passing Edward and Tristan on the way.

"Golbez, where are you going?" Tristan wondered. "You will be late for-"

Golbez grabbed the other's shoulder, shaking him. "Where's Leah?"

"Ouch! The inn, I-"

"Thanks!" Golbez patted Tristan's arm in a friendly manner and was gone before anyone could ask more.

xxx

Golbez stormed down the street and burst into Leah's room, which, to his relief was not locked this time. The look of hope on his face vanished as he saw that she was packing her things in the dim light of a candle.

"What are you doing?"

Leah did not look up, her silvery bangs hiding her eyes. "I'll be leaving tomorrow," she informed him calmly.

Golbez struggled with words. "But-"

Obviously, she was not inclined to listen to him. "Shouldn't you go? The Whale will not wait forever…"

"I… I'm not going." Golbez said, nervously awaiting her reaction.

"No? Why not?" Finally, Leah looked at him with her beautiful blue eyes, but they seemed uninterested - there was no delight in her face, no relief. Had he really become that unimportant to her? If so, he couldn't blame her…

Still, he did not want to turn away now - it was probably the last time that he would see her and he needed to tell her some things - not only to lessen the guilt on his shoulders, but because she had a right to know.

"Leah… I'm so sorry for all that - Believe me, I'm really trying to change but-" the words stayed stuck in his throat as he beheld how her mouth curved into a smile.

"I know. Even though your magic is gone, this "change" could take some time," she said. "What happened to you on Mt. Ordeals did not make you into a whole new person. Even now you cannot say the truth; you hide behind a wall. It could take ages until you are able to keep yourself under control, to keep your anger and sorrow under control…"

"Yes. That is true." Golbez realized that her smile had probably been pitiful. His shoulders sacked down and he had to close the door to lean against it. He felt so sick again. How could he have thought for a moment that he could just storm in her room and that everything would be like before-

"But at least now I know what I'll be waiting for," Leah's voice was friendly. "And even if it takes ages."

He looked up slowly, seeing that her smile had now also reached the blue of her eyes. "Waiting for what?"

She ignored his question. "You still haven't answered: Why are you still here?"

Golbez's throat was dry: "Because…" his voice failed him. Once more he tried. "Because…" He failed again. "I can't… tell you. I'm too afraid, I guess…"

Leah nodded. "Yes. I can see that." She returned to checking the contents of her bag.

"And why are _you _still here?" Golbez asked, trying a different approach now. "Are you afraid to learn about your real identity?"

"Well, what do you think?" The retort came back not pertly, but curiously.

"No, you are not afraid to learn about it..." Golbez chose the words with care. "I think you no longer care much. You cared for just a second on the mountain, but then probably realized that knowing the full truth would not change anything. You have already found yourself, found _the self you want to be_ - you always knew who you were even without any memories…"

Leah's smile was suddenly gone and she looked up, slowly, an expression of surprise on her face. "And who am I?"

It was now or never… Now or never to make things up to her… Now or never to show that he could do more than hide, to show that he could cope with life and with his deeds. He desperately hoped that he could make it; that the trust FuSoYa, his father and also Cecil were and had been setting in him was justified. He knew that he wouldn't be able to speak straight from the heart like some people could, but he could at least try, for one time in his life, to let his mind and heart _speak together_.

"You're Leah Coven and your home, whether by origin or by choice, is on the Blue Planet. You are unpredictable: Sometimes you fight, but then you are afraid. Sometimes you like to talk and laugh, but then you are very quiet. And you are impossible - so impossible that you were patient with a certain person, although…" Anxiousness gripped him once more - it was a feeling he had not known before, but during the last two days it seemed to be his constant companion and it cost him considerable effort to talk, "although this person doubted you, hurt you and in the end nearly killed you. There's one thing, though, that I don't know about you …"

Leah was watching him earnestly as she waited for him to continue and for a moment Golbez felt that her piercing gaze was ready to swallow him, ready to drown him in a deep ocean of blue, just like he had nearly drowned when he had tried to save her at the coast of the island…

He took a breath that was so deep that it hurt in his lungs. "Are…are you forgiving? Because despite everything I did… I still hope - foolishly - that you... can forgive me…" He let out a sheepish laugh, tinted with bitterness to hide his embarrassment. "Of course I know that you never will be able to forget what I did but-"

He stopped speaking as Leah started to laugh.

_"This is not possible! You are trying to explain things to her, stammering like an idiot and she- "_

Leah's unexpected reaction caused a hot wave of annoyance to rush through Golbez, bringing forth words from the depth of his heart:

"Damn! Why are you laughing? I love you!"

Leah stopped laughing, two mouths staying open at the same time. She was the first to regain her composure again and approached Golbez.

"Now… The last sentence was good, also the part with the 'unpredictable'. The rest in between, though, makes me really wonder if I can forgive-"

Golbez's eyes were about to darken, but were delayed by her smile once more:

"But I'm good at forgetting, you know. I might also forget in your case."

"Are you saying you want to forget about me?" Like so many times before, Leah's words were confusing Golbez.

"No!" She exclaimed nearly annoyed, her temperament showing just for a second before her voice became gentle once more. "How could I forget about you? _How could I want to?_ You are the reason that I know who I am and _who I am not_, that I know where I belong… That I know where my… home is… But the way you were… maybe still the way you _are_ makes it difficult to live in it…" She looked at him nearly fearfully, obviously awaiting a mocking reply now.

"I know…" Golbez admitted nearly helplessly - he knew that now was not the time to hide behind cynicism, although he couldn't suppress a little bitter smile, "but at least you'll be safe from my magic for all eternity. The mountain took care of that…"

Leah sighed. "Still blaming others, are we? Time will tell if you can get rid of that habit and even if not, I'll just try to forget about it, too. But aside from that, I never want to forget anything again… Not when it comes to you and not when it comes to the Blue Planet - no matter if I'm truly a rebellious woman from the moon or not, here, this place is where I want to be. This world is the place where I want to make memories -memories which are worth it that I chose to probably never know the whole truth about me… " A slight grin crossed her features, "Also, don't they say that you have to leave home to realize just how much it exactly means to you? And so, I will leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Golbez knew that he should feel disturbed by her plan, but how could he feel sad, when she was smiling at him? He took a step towards her, wishing that he could touch that smile…

"_Tomorrow_." She said it very slowly, stressing every syllable.

Golbez understood the message even without the use of his logic -

_"What is logic worth now, in this moment, anyway…"_

He knew that in this second, the Great Whale was embarking on its last voyage but this was not the time to worry about where one had to go to - or where one had _come_ from.

Golbez reached out for a strand of silky hair, hair that, though the colour of Dawn's, was Leah's. Once, he had thought that it was strange to touch the hair of someone else. Now, it was the most natural thing in the world for him to touch _her_ hair, and smiling, he tucked it behind her ear.

In this moment, there was no dark past to brood about and no unsure future he had to fear.

There was no guilt to remember and no sorrow he had to forget.

There was no truth to search for and no control he had to regain.

There was nothing to lose and nothing he had to find.

There was just a perfect here and now.

"Didn't you want to make some memories? Maybe we could start now." He drew closer until their lips met, slipping his arm around her and pulling her body towards him.

Leah confirmed him in his actions, her arms encircling him and as the kiss deepened, Golbez could feel how she relaxed in his embrace like he had never given her any reason to lose trust in him, at all.

Suddenly, though, she drew away, flushed. "Why were you craning your head right now to watch my hands?"

"Oh, I was just checking for safety reasons if you're in the possession of any sharp objects…" Golbez's eyebrow rose, but his mouth was smiling.

Leah laughed, bright and carefree - so much like Dawn, but even more so like 'Leah'…

"Afraid?" she asked while taking his hand and pulling him towards the bed.

Golbez caught her at the waist to lay her gently down on the blanket. "No."

And he wasn't afraid the whole night.


	20. Chapter 19: Turquoise melody

**Chapter 19**

**Turquoise melody**

_"The time slips away,  
__days unmercifully going astray_

_A heart, torn and broken  
__Left in the cold after it just had awoken…"_

At the sound of the soft sung words, Golbez's dark eyes opened slowly and began to pierce the ceiling with their stare as if it held the answer to where he was and why he was there.

Finally, realization filled as his gaze as well as a staid calmness - a calmness that wasn't wavering although Golbez knew that he did not have to search for Leah at his side. She was gone.

_"The empty silk left your soul full of chill  
__Trying to warm on the wish that she remembers you still…"_

As the song continued, Golbez stood up, brushed his slight ruffled, long dark hair behind his bare back and grabbed his black shirt from the floor. Pulling it over his head, he made his way towards the window, nearly tripping over his boots.

_"The salty tears fall on the earth-"_

As he opened the pane, a surprisingly mild breeze flooded the room. The sun was shining brightly outside - the snow was melting. Down, in the inner courtyard of the inn, Edward was engrossed in playing his lute, sitting with bended waist on a bench, his golden locks falling into his face.

"Up so early?" Golbez shouted down, wondering why he couldn't bring his voice to sound ironical if he already had to pose such a senseless question - after all it was visible that Edward _had awoken_ early. But humans were stating the obvious all the time, weren't they?

And if he thought about it-

_"No harm in that…"_

Upon hearing Golbez's words, Edward gave a start and with an apologizing expression, he peered up. "I'm sorry that I woke you up…"

"Don't worry - is that the song you played at the beach?"

"Yes… I suddenly knew how the melody continued," the bard replied warily, "But I'll stop since-"

"No," Golbez managed a smile that wasn't as friendly as the one of other people, but genuine at least. "Please go on. It's still tacky… but somehow… it seems to contain some kind… of truth."

A knowing smile was playing on Edward's lips. "I know…I saw Leah leaving just some time ago…"

Plucking the strings with his fingers, he started to sing anew once more:

_"The salty tears fall on the earth,  
__Not only for her  
__but for the fact that you're not worth…_

_But in the end,  
__though everything is in vain  
__You know that you'll always have one hope to claim_:"

While listening to the tune, Golbez walked slowly towards the small table in his room. On it, a piece of paper was attached - _"With a dagger,"_ as he noticed with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile on his lips.

_"That if she would see  
__What you're really trying to be_

_She would come back  
__So the time slipping away would not matter in your track."_

On the note something had been written with big letters:

_I'll be watching you._

And he knew that she would.

xOx

In contrast to Edward, Tristan seemed to be surprised to meet Golbez in the main hall of the inn, if not _appalled_…

"You are still here?" The swindler pretended to look happy, but the paleness in his face was conspicuous. "I thought you had gone either with Leah or were off to the moon, pal…" He tried to reach the door, but Golbez was faster and blocked his way.

"Do you want to leave without saying goodbye, _pal_? After all, we still have to talk about some things, I believe." Golbez crossed his arms before his chest.

"Are you threatening me again!" Tristan blurted out reproachfully, but suddenly, his mouth curved into a sly grin. "But wait - you're a good guy now, right? A good guy without magic he can extort others with!"

Golbez did not bat an eyelid. "I wouldn't be so sure about the "good" part, Tristan, and you are hardly in any position of speaking about "goodness", anyway. I believe that the Elder would be quite interested in your collaboration with Ko Min." He let a menacing smile follow, noticing to his contentment that there were still some means left to him to scare even an impossibly self-assured Tristan.

"You are joking, right? I thought we had already spoken about this! I know that I made some mistakes and I promised that I'll never take on a mission to kill someone, again." Tristan tried to set up the regretting look of a converted sinner, but changed it for his "I'm your best friend" expression a moment later. "And don't forget that we had some… nice times, too. I _did_ help you, you know…"

"Yes. Mainly in bringing my nerves to the tether." Golbez countered in his familiar dry tone. "And I even paid you for it… You know what I am getting at, right? You probably took it while I was fighting against the poison and-"

"Ohhh… _That_! How could I forget _that_?" Tristan said in exaggerated helpfulness. "Of course you can have back the ring if you wish…"

"I _do_ wish so. It might be the one thing that will keep me from beating you up. I have lost my magic, but my physical abilities are still -slightly- above average," Golbez explained calmly, trying his best not to grin. "It's the hard climate on the moon, you know."

"Okay, okay - it's right here!" Tristan had finally found the ring in the dark depths of his pocket and with a sullen expression and obvious aversion, he let the Baronian treasure fall into Golbez's outstretched hand. "Such a waste…"

"Well, Sir Tristan- it is like Master FuSoYa had said: Giving is harder than taking." A friendly, soft chuckle came from the direction of the table Edward was sitting at.

"Since when is he so… bold?" Tristan eyes became little insulted slits. "I liked him better when he was still the rich and gutless King…"

"You should hope that he does not regain more of his _guts_, or you might find yourself in the Damcyan prison for trying to kill their ruler," Golbez said coldly and left for Edward's place.

He had to admit, though that Tristan had been right in one aspect - Edward had definitely changed. He was of course still the slight built minstrel, who was better skilled with the lute than with the sword, but his bearing was no longer as fearful as before, his head no longer bent and in the eyes of other there seemed to sparkle a calm light - it were the eyes of someone who had found, or at least knew what to search for…

"So, what will you do now?" Golbez sat down opposite of Edward. "Will you return to your Kingdom?"

"My Kingdom?" Edward shook his head. "No, it was never my Kingdom… It was the Kingdom of my parents and now, it's the Kingdom of the chancellor who will surely take good care of it in my absence. _My_ Kingdom was my love to Anna and has been destroyed long ago…"

He did not avoid Golbez's gaze like he usually did when talking about this subject, but regarded him attentively.

_"So now it starts…" _Edward's gaze filled Golbez with uneasiness-he had always believed that only his guilt was a thing of the present, while his doings belonged to the past - now, he understood that _both_ were a very actual thing: For the young man opposite of him, Golbez's deeds were still present; the rage, the sorrow and these last traces of fear in the bard's pale blue gaze _were more present_ than anything else.

Golbez had been able to run away from the past, but to escape the present was impossible and thus, he could not escape the fact that Edward's gaze, this stare that seemed to ask 'why', hurt his very soul.

_"What are you supposed to do now? What are you supposed to say?"_

"I'm sorry," Golbez said quietly - he had uttered these words before, but never before had he felt how his pale skin coloured with the red of shame while doing it...

Edward had obviously never seen it before as well and was now regarding him with an expression between astonishment and contentment, but also, sympathy.

"I… know that you were sorry all along. And still, you do not make it easy for people to forgive you, especially me. I have to admit that during the journey, my hate towards you did not lessen, but often… grew instead," Edward's voice was composed, although he spoke low as if to hide his own courage in front of others. "I don't know why she left," he continued, "but I'm sure that it has to do with the road you chose - and with the road she chose for you. And that will be a hard one."

A little bitter, but also slightly amused smile crossed Golbez's face. _"Yes… She has chosen a fine punishment for me, indeed…" _

"But maybe it will help you to atone if it is redemption you wish for. And if you try to atone, I can also try to forgive you." Edward was showing a faint smile now.

"I fear that an insufficient "thank you" is the only thingI can give you in return," Golbez said earnestly, "But maybe you don't need more. I can see that you have become stronger, King Edward - it is good that way. Too many people have been broken by my actions." It was true appreciation that spoke out of his voice.

"I'm still not as strong as I wish to be, but it will be enough to begin traveling down my road, as well," the bard replied, "although I don't know yet where it will lead me. I will journey around the Blue Planet until I know where my destination lies - be it in the feeling that I can care for Damcyan after all, or something else. Where will you go?" It was clear that Edward wanted to change the subject and Golbez gladly respected his wish.

"I'll return to Baron as soon as I can…" he answered. "There's a promise I made to Cecil and I don't think he'd be glad if I were to break it…"

Like Golbez's words before, it was now Edward's smile that was filled with acknowledgement. "You are taking the hard road, indeed."

Golbez was glad for the bard's gesture - as much as Edward's gaze had hurt him before, he could now feel how the other's friendly smile smothered the flickering shame in him, making the red tint leave his face and soul.

The short moment of mutual, peaceful approval between the two was destroyed by Tristan, who had silently crept towards his companions in order to lean over the table and to now grin broadly into Golbez face.

"Did I hear something about Baron? How do you want to get there?"

_"Not again…"_

"You-" Golbez felt the familiar urge to erase the narcissistic expression on the other's face, but he knew that even physical abuse would not be able to achieve that.

Tristan used the hesitation of his companion to chatter on. "Since the snow is melting, the sea passage to Baron will soon be clear again. I might know a Mysidian who would be willing to give us a crossing. You know that you have no choice…"

Indeed, Golbez knew by now that it was no use to argue with the other.

"How much?" he asked.

"I just want back the ring."

Golbez's hand covered his forehead that had started to hurt, again. "Alright. It isn't for Mary by any chance?"

"For whom?" The swindler looked like he doubted the other's sanity. "Are you kidding?"

"Thought so… You'll never change…"

"Yes, some people do change, others not... It's all a matter of choice…"Edward remarked pensively.

"And of necessity!" Tristan was not going to be deprived of having the last word.  
"And I'm already perfect."

xOx

Just one week later, Golbez and Tristan arrived on a ship near Baron Harbour. On the way towards the town and the castle, Golbez had to experience once more that the people were regarding him differently than before although not in the fashion he had expected - instead of meeting him with open hostility, they seemed rather… disinterested, as if they knew, just as the Mysidian mages, that his powers were no longer a danger to anyone.

_"Could it be so easy?"_

Golbez presumed, though, that it was only a matter of time before he would get confronted by the hate of the people in another less harmless and less hurting manner, and he could only hope that more people would give him another chance like Edward had done.

_"At least Cecil will be truly happy to see me…"_

For the first time, he accepted how glad he was to meet his brother, although it pained him slightly to accept that Cecil had been right with so many things, including their father - the Paladin had always believed in Klu Ya and now Golbez was filled by a biting bad conscience about having always scolded the other for it.

_"But you don't have to admit this in front of Cecil right away, do you?" _

Finally, the gates of Baron castle came into view. Strangely enough, they were the most familiar thing - "_Next to Leah's face..."_ - that he had seen during the last weeks and their sight filled him with a sense of safety and contentment. The castle guards were obviously less pleased to see him and had taken on a defensive stance upon spotting him.

"What is that for a welcome?" As expected, Tristan, who had been agitatedly following him since the harbour, did not feel intimidated at all. "The mighty Golbez has returned to Baron. Behave respectfully towards him and me or he will fry - err, beat you to pieces!" He bit his lip as he obviously remembered that things had slightly changed.

"Please pay no attention to him," Golbez grumbled - he had stopped wasting his strength by getting excited over Tristan's behaviour. "I'm not here to make trouble. I just want to see my brother, his Highness, if it is possible."

"Of course," one guard stepped aside, eying only Tristan suspiciously. "We were just worried for a moment concerning your… travel companion. Please go on through, Master Golbez."

_"Cecil must have ordered to let me into the castle at any time…"_

Golbez realized once more how much his brother trusted him.

_"This time, I'll try to be worthy of it." _He wasn't sure, though, if bringing Tristan with him was a good step in that direction.

"Why are you so eager to accompany me, anyway? I'll not pay you more for this…" he asked frowning while crossing the courtyard of the castle.

Tristan was regarding the imposing stony building in awe. "Why should I miss the chance to meet the famous and probably very rich King of Baron whose brother-"

"-you tried to kill…"

Tristan shrugged, unmoved. "Don't be so petty-minded."

xxx

As they entered the Throne Room, the young King of Baron was currently absorbed in a discussion with his chancellor. Golbez mused that for most people, Cecil was probably the embodiment of everything that could get called "kingly" with his snowy white hair, which was held by the crown of the Paladin, the well-fitting red ornamented cloak, the calmness he radiated and his soft, but firm way of speaking. In fact, Golbez could agree with the people, but he also knew that Cecil was good at hiding his worries and probable uncertainties - and most of these always had to do either with his new responsibilities as a Paladin or… with Golbez. And one look at the other, who had by now gotten aware of the visitors and had turned his head towards them, proved his assumptions to be true. Cecil's blue eyes were as awake and earnest as always, but there was also pain in them, pain that now changed into utter surprise.

"Golbez…" Cecil looked at his brother with widened eyes, like he had seen a ghost. "You're still here? Our astronomers say that the moon is leaving the orbit of the Blue Planet and I thought-"

Golbez raised an eyebrow. "Didn't I promise you that I would return? If I'm not welcome, though-"

_"You still cannot stop mocking him…" _For some reason Golbez knew that no matter how hard he would try to work on it, this was some character trait he wouldn't be able to get rid of…

"But… but of course you're welcome!" Losing himself finally out of his rigidity, Cecil approached his brother, offering his hand nearly shyly, obviously unsure how to behave - Golbez realized how hostile he had always reacted on any sign of sympathy his brother had tried to show him. Like to undo the many times he had refused a brotherly embrace, Golbez took first Cecil's hand and then, after some hesitation pulled the other closer to hug him.

"I'm sorry if I made you worry," he said earnestly.

The look of confusion on Cecil's face grew and loosening himself out of the embrace, he took a step back, regarding the other skeptically. "Are... are you alright? I received your letter… It sounded so strange - not like you at all…"

Golbez cleared his throat and glanced at Tristan. "A… letter? Tristan - did you send it?"

His travel companion paled only slightly: "Well, the idea to finish it came to me in Kaipo. I wrote only nice things about you in it… and about me, of course. You see…" he grinned sheepishly. "It would have diverted suspicion from me if I had succeeded in killing you-"

"Killing you?" Just now Cecil noticed for the first time the presence of the other. "And you are-"

"Your loyal citizen Tristan!" The flaxen haired swindler made an expansive bow. "Always at your service, Your Majesty!"

"Don't trust him a minute," Golbez remarked dryly towards Cecil.

"Golbez, who is this man? He wanted to kill you? And why is he wearing the ring I gave you?" Cecil looked back and forth between Golbez, Tristan and the chancellor, who was urging him to continue their conference. Finally, he calmed down a bit and his face took on a weary expression. "I'm sorry for all the questions…" The Paladin ran a hand through his hair, a habit which as Golbez had remarked, the other only showed when confused or nervous. "This is of course not the welcome you should get, Golbez, but right now things are a bit in an uproar. Edward has disappeared from castle Damcyan and-"

"Cecil, Edward is well," Golbez interrupted him in a calm tone.

"Golbez?" A female voice uttered, surprised. Cecil's wife, Rosa, had just entered the Throne room and was looking at the ex-wizard with big, but friendly eyes. It had always been a mystery to Golbez how forgiving Rosa had acted towards him despite the abduction, but he was glad about one person less who felt intimidated by his presence.

"So you have returned, after all!" Golbez was not sure of it was really because of his return, but Rosa was smiling brilliantly. "It seems that this day brings only good news."

Golbez returned her welcome with a friendly nod, keeping Tristan with one hand at bay. As soon as the young Queen of Baron had entered the room, the swindler was behaving like a tom cat in heat.

"You didn't tell me that she was so beautiful…" he whispered. "Look at her hair - it shines like gold!"

"Neither her hair nor her gold should be of any interest to you!" Golbez replied, hissing. "She's married to my brother so - hands off!"

He decided to say something to distract from Tristan's hungry stares. "Only good news? Of what other news are you speaking of, Rosa?"

Rosa's cheeks coloured with an excited flush. "Oh that… I'd like to speak with Cecil in private about this…" She gave an expectant look towards her husband.

Cecil smiled at her apologizingly. "Please wait just one moment, darling…" He focused his attention on Golbez, again. "You were with Edward? Where is he?"

"I don't know, but I have the feeling that he might return to Damcyan one day when he has found his way."

"Cecil, I'm worried about Edward, too, but I really need to tell you something, now," Rosa urged.

Cecil wasn't listening to her. "_One day_? Excuse me, but there's a Kingdom he has to rule…"

"Not that I know much of politics, but aren't there enough chancellors for that?" Tristan wondered, not removing his gaze from Rosa.

"And what about the sudden movement of the moon?" Cecil was now inquiring.

Golbez decided to bring the news to his brother as short and sweet as he could. "The moon is leaving the Blue Planet together with the Lunarians and will never return. FuSoYa told me to give you his best wishes."

"FuSoYa left on the moon? Forever?" Cecil looked at him with unbelieving eyes.

"Cecil, it's really important!" It was not hard to see that Rosa was slowly losing her patience. The chancellor seemed to think so, too, but was watching the whole discussion with the proper reserve.

"Brother, I understand that you have a lot of questions and I will try to answer them as best as I can, but right now, your wife seems to have something more important to talk with you about." Golbez tried to help, earning Rosa's grateful look in return.

"That's right - do I need to shout to gain your attention, Cecil Harvey?" she asked and Golbez couldn't hide a grin - he had seldom seen Cecil's wife as agitated as now.

Cecil was still trying to digest everything he had just heard. "Err... Yes." He said absentmindedly before his attention was focused on Golbez once more: "About the moon… Why did Fu-"

"Cecil!" Rosa's voice echoed though the room. "I'm pregnant!"

Cecil's mouth stayed open as he looked at her with big eyes.

"Congratulations Rosa…" Golbez said, smiling, his eyebrow rising. "That's what one says in spite of such an occasion, I hope."

Rosa did not mind his uncertain question and laughed. "That's right."

Cecil was still staring.

"Damn! I came too late… Married _and _with child is no good…" Tristan hissed under his breath and smiled falsely. "What wonderful news for the Kingdom, Your Majesty."

Rosa beamed happily, though then a frown crossed her pretty face. "I'm not sure if everyone here thinks so… Cecil?"

Her husband was still not saying anything, fixed like someone had glued him to the floor.

"I'm not good in such matters, but shouldn't you say something?" Golbez regarded his brother frowning, though a faint amusement was playing on his features - Rosa had managed something that Golbez seldom had accomplished in long arguments with Cecil - the young King of Baron had seemingly lost his voice and was gaping like a stupefied Edge in his worst moments.

"The child _is _yours, isn't it?" Tristan asked, then held a hand before his mouth. "Oops... shouldn't have said that…" He didn't sound truly sorry.

Luckily, Cecil had not heard him, although his mouth finally was moving again. "Rosa… That… is... wonderful news!" Laughing, he embraced his wife and whirled her around, only to set her down gently the next second. "Oh, sorry - I shouldn't do this - it might not be good for the child and-" Despite the worry in his voice, it was obvious that the former shock had yielded to utter joy.

_"Seems that he isn't aware of the fact that soon, he will probably have more problems on his shoulders than just his Kingdom and me…" _it crossed Golbez's mind, but he did not speak out the thought. After all, there was no need to behave more teasing than necessary, no matter how uncomfortable this moment, which was a bit too emotional for Golbez's liking, made him feel.

To his surprise, Rosa had thought similar to him, though. "My dear Cecil - why don't you try to save up your worries for later, when the child has been born?" She smiled and kissed him, lost for a moment in a world where only the two of them existed. It was a world Golbez believed to understand slightly better now, although he was sure that the relationship of the two differed greatly from what he and Leah had experienced - be it in terms of harmony or in terms of-

_"Unpredictable temper…"_ An involuntary chuckle escaped Golbez and he was so lost in his memories that he nearly didn't notice that Cecil and Rosa had focused her attention back on him.

"We all know that Cecil cannot stop worrying, right Golbez?" The Queen of Baron smiled. "He was also, like me, worried about you…"

"Presumed so." Golbez nodded. "And maybe you were even right to worry about me… It was long journey and there's much I have to tell you. About Mt. Ordeals and about-"

"Dawn?" Cecil, his arms still around Rosa, suddenly grew very earnest again. "Any news?"

"I cannot understand that her body was never found…" For a second, Rosa's expression was no longer filled with joy, but with helpless sorrow - the death of their friend had hit her as hard as anyone else. "Not even her cape or the weapon she was killed with--"

Golbez wasn't paying attention to what she said next, as another thought struck him.

_"The dagger…"_

_/I'll be watching you…/_

No, not again…

_"Never again."_

"Well, Golbez has met a wo- Ouch!" Tristan was efficiently silenced by Golbez's fingers digging in his arm. The dark haired man shook his head.

"I'm sorry to tell you that I haven't found out anything, as well. However, if she was still alive, Dawn would have returned here by now. I fear that we will have to accept her death, but that will not keep us from always keeping her memory alive…" he said with a solemn face.

"That is right…" Cecil's voice was hovering between grief and confidence. "It is strange, though, to hear such kind words from you, brother. You have to tell us all about what happened to you on the voyage…" His face broke into a smile. "But for now I'm just glad that you are back - how long will you be staying?"

Golbez's eyebrow rose once more. "As long as you let me."

For the second time that day, Cecil lost his voice.


	21. Epilogue: Colourful path

**Epilogue**

**Colourful path**

_Several months later…_

The sound of the lute gently filled the street on this sunny morning, each note clear and lilting.

_"Let the memory of our love be  
__like a piece of polished glass…  
_

_But do not carry it with you openly all the time  
__You might loose your step and the glass_

_Will break and cut you with its pieces  
__But for the memory to be unbroken_

_Lock it away in your heart  
__As a remembrance of what is yet to come…"_

The music stopped.

"That was beautiful!" The pretty young girl clapped her hands. "For whom did you write it?"

The bard, a young man with golden locks and bright, aqua-blue eyes, smiled. "I wrote it for my love." He bowed before her. "But I sang it just for you…"

The girl giggled and blushed slightly. "That is sad - and sweet at the same time… But say, don't I know you from somewhere?"

The bard was still smiling, but was now taking his instrument and turned to go. "No, I doubt that you have met me before… in this life."

Leaving the still giggling woman behind, he crossed the market place of the little town he was currently staying in, enjoying the flowery scent of the summer air around, the pleasant crunching of the gravel beneath and the brilliant azure sky above him.

_"I wish you could see this… But I will see it for the both of us."_

He stopped, as he noticed a woman that was sitting on the edge of the town well, her head buried in her lap - she was crying. No one seemed to pay any attention to her and after a moment of hesitation, he approached her.

"Milady, what is the matter?" He asked, concerned.

The woman looked up - even with her tear stained face, she was beautiful with her long brown tresses and emerald eyes. "You… You're the wandering minstrel everyone talks about, right?" she asked shyly, trying to swallow her tears. "Do you know some merry tunes, as well?"

"Of course. Why don't you tell me about it and I'll find out what song would suit best to you?"

The blond man sat down next to her and started to listen to her story, a story in which dawn was lost and dusk the only perspective, a story in which the past was present and the future not existent, a story in which keeping something was feared, but giving it away even more so.

It was a story that was different from his own one and still the same and as he listened to it, it crossed Edward's mind that soon, he might not only be singing for another person, but also be writing for one…

xOx

_On Mt. Ordeals…_

"So father brought the moon back just to reunite us again?" Cecil bowed his head, kneeling before the simple memorial that was now the grave of his father. "I told you all along that he wouldn't abandon us… Still I wish that I would have been able to talk to him once more…"

"Cecil, I-"

The Paladin gazed up at Golbez and smiled. "Do not worry about me. I now have my big brother at my side, eh?" He looked the other up and down - although Golbez had still a fondness for black and was wearing dark trousers and boots, he also wore a white shirt and the red cape of Baron around his shoulders and looked no longer as frightening as he had once.

"I fear that I usually make more problems than I'm of help of…" Golbez raised an eyebrow, though the smile that followed was genuine.

His brother grinned. "That is true, but I had not expected otherwise… Especially your friend-"

Golbez shrugged. "I told you not to allow Tristan to stay at the castle. It was no surprise to me that he fled with the silverware and one of the chambermaids during the night…"

Cecil sighed and stood up, brushing the sand from his white garb. "Yes, obviously not all people change…"

"Have I changed that much?"

His brother reflected for a moment. "Well, there's still a lot of the "old" Golbez in you, but you also possess some… sociable sides now. Maybe you had these in you, all along. It often seems to me that you didn't really change, but just… found your true self. I still haven't understood, though, why you are no longer able to use black magic…"

"Sometimes you just need to let go of things." Golbez murmured with a look on Klu Ya's grave. "It is something I had to learn painfully…" His face darkened.

"Golbez. Are you alright? How are you feeling?" Worried, Cecil laid a hand on his brother's arm.

"I feel… white."

"White?"

The other nodded. "Yes… And sometimes I feel blue, because I miss… someone. And then I will feel red because your soldiers don't follow my orders, although I'm responsible for the safety of the castle. At other times I might feel black, because I remember that my past still is heavy on my shoulders… In short - I feel like every colour that exists. I feel alive."

Cecil frowned. "I... I'm not sure if I understand you…"

Golbez smiled - it was his old smile, a bit ironical and haughty. "Then don't worry too much about my words, Cecil. You worry too much already. Since you are about to become father in probably a few days, you should maybe learn to take things more… relaxed."

Cecil looked at the other with big eyes - these words seemed not like the brother he knew, at all. "Relax?"

"Just go for a walk," Golbez suggested friendly. He turned around and started to descend down the mountain path before him.

Cecil's confusion grew: "...Go for a walk?"

"Not 'a' walk, but 'the' walk…" he said over his shoulder. "The walk of life." Suddenly, he stopped and gasped for air.

"Golbez, what's the matter?" Cecil shouted, but his eyes widened in utter surprise, too, as he heard a female voice:

"Thought I'd had to wait forever for you to come down the mountain…"

"And - was the wait worth it?" Golbez asked and calmness and contentment were swinging in his dark voice.

"We'll see about that." There was a bright laugh echoing through the warm mountain air. "So - can I walk with you a while, Golbez?"

He smiled and opened his arms to embrace her.

"Yes, you can. All the way down the road if you wish."

**The end**

_

* * *

__Author's notes:_

_And thus, the journey ends and I feel sad and happy about it at the same time. Speaking of the end –I'd like to comment a bit on the Leah/Dawn mystery, in case that some readers still wonder about her identity: Golbez (it is his and Edward's story, after all) would reply: "It isn't important." For others, it might not be that unimportant, but still, there is no "true" answer to the question. During the course of the story one could find many little and not so little hints concerning Leah's identity and although many points seem to indicate that she is a Lunarian, there are other factors that speak against it – just as the "Dawn version" has its pros and cons. Or is the latter option not possible? Please decide for yourself – I have decided too, but as I said before, I don't want to tell anyone how to "read" my stories. ;) _

_Concerning future writing projects (in the blatant assumption that you are interested in them): The new semester has started and I don't think that I'll have much time to write, but I have plans for some shorter FF4 works (which are all completely independent from the TSOTM storyline).Check my bio for any news or drop me a line. _

_Now to my favourite section – the thanks section. Writing is a great adventure, especially if you can share it with others and without the help of several people, I probably wouldn't have brought this story to an end: _

_I always write while listening to music and although they won't read it, my thanks go to Aimee Mann, Dido, Franz Ferdinand and The Stranglers. _

_A BIG THANK YOU goes to my reviewers, as always. I'd especially like to thank "long term" reviewers like Eagle- Owl, PhiloWorm, Sarpedon and Sorceress Ash, as well as some great and gifted fellow FF4 authors like Reddo Meijisu and SpacemanSpiff for their constant support. I won't list all names here, but be assured that I really appreciate every single review I received and (hopefully) will receive in the future! Every review makes (and made) my day! Yes, also **your **review! ;) _

_Other important thanks go to Biggy for listening to my ideas and ramblings once more and for motivating me. _

_And most of all, once again, I have to thank my dear friend Doc aka C.R. Carter for her input, her support and the wonderful job she did with beta-reading my story. I'm sorry for always causing you so much work when you have your own stories to work on. Btw: For some** really** brilliant masterpieces check out her works! _

_Reading your stories, Doc, shows me how much I still have to learn! (asterisk)hugs(asterisk) :) (What has this site against asterisks, anyway...?)_

_This story is dedicated to everyone who is currently trying to find his/her way or has already found it. _

_Until we all meet again._

_-Titania, April 2005_


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